Help! Advice needed

Hi mums, warning venting ‼️ Not really a question about little one but it does involve her. Since she was born I’ve been desperate to move out of our small 2 bed rented place and get our own home, I dunno why, nesting or maybe just because now she’s here I wanted a family home, only problem is my husband. I earn more then him, I’ve also saved all my life, but I also hussle to make money in any way possible on the side and have a significant amount saved, where as he hasn’t, he has £20,000 savings that’s it! He spends money but on stupid stuff of no importance, eg buying take away food, he has nothing to show for his money and now I want to buy a house he can’t even contribute to half. I’m getting resentful that we are late 30s and I haven’t got the life I wanted, i feel like he’s sponging and being lazy, i also don’t find it attractive that he’s not ambitious like me. I love him and he’s a good dad but I’m finding the financial stress difficult to navigate. Is anyone else in the simular boat? What does everyone else do finically? If you are the higher earner/ have more saved? Why do I feel like this when I should be content with him and her? I would also appreciate anyone who has a legal/financial background commenting, if I was to buy a house because we are married if things went wrong would he be entitled to half? Sorry it’s a long read just needed to let of some steam x

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He has 20k in savings and you're moaning 🤣

£20,000 is a lot of money. Some people live week to week and don’t even have £20 in savings. Maybe you need to speak to him about looking for a family home and speak to a financial advisor about things and a mortgage as £20,000 is a good amount towards a mortgage.

When you get a mortgage, you can write it in how much you both contribute to your deposit. So him 20k and you whatever you want to contribute. That way, if you were to split, you both get back what you first put in, then split the profit. 20k is a lot of money. Maybe he will change his attitude when he has something that is his rather than just renting. I'm sure he would rather pay a mortgage and have something to leave your child than paying someone else's mortgage off.

To those who are comparing me to others, I think it’s unfair when I’ve said I worked extremely hard all my life to get what I have and when at my age most people I know are in a better situation. Yes 20K is nothing when I have saved enough to buy a house outright and most houses in my area are 800,000 plus and I do have ideals that the man should be a provider.

Does your husband want a family home and own it? I think it might be beneficial for you to really have a sit down with a mortgage/financial advisor - depending on who you bank with, they may offer this for free. It's hard to say to him, It would be good if you had xx savings compared to the amount I have saved as he may see that as quite overbearing. But if you come at it from the point of looking at some properties in an area you like, and have the finances broken up ie how much deposit is needed vs how much can you get on a mortgage and then how to fairly split it That could give him a fair figure (as long as it is genuinely realistic) for him to aim to. So you can achieve your goal within the near future, and you're both working towards the joint goal rather than feeling a level of resentment if one party is saving more than the other.

£800k isnt a small sum for a house so I do appreciate that in this circumstance £20k may be only a drop in the ocean compared to what you need But one way that could translate to him, in order to really agree on good financial practises, could be to have the finances for this really clear And then I'd also suggest making clear groceries, bills, nursery fees etc etc So you can see clearly the money coming in and out currently (and who is in charge of this) And then how much could potentially be saved to move into a house pot/nursery pot/kids activities/ monthly or weekly treats etc etc Maybe this might help you to manage, organise and understand the finances clearly and hopefully destress And also, make for a really clear discussion with your husband. Once money values align, it should hopefully be a bit easier to navigate

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