£20,000 is a lot of money. Some people live week to week and don’t even have £20 in savings. Maybe you need to speak to him about looking for a family home and speak to a financial advisor about things and a mortgage as £20,000 is a good amount towards a mortgage.
When you get a mortgage, you can write it in how much you both contribute to your deposit. So him 20k and you whatever you want to contribute. That way, if you were to split, you both get back what you first put in, then split the profit. 20k is a lot of money. Maybe he will change his attitude when he has something that is his rather than just renting. I'm sure he would rather pay a mortgage and have something to leave your child than paying someone else's mortgage off.
To those who are comparing me to others, I think it’s unfair when I’ve said I worked extremely hard all my life to get what I have and when at my age most people I know are in a better situation. Yes 20K is nothing when I have saved enough to buy a house outright and most houses in my area are 800,000 plus and I do have ideals that the man should be a provider.
Does your husband want a family home and own it? I think it might be beneficial for you to really have a sit down with a mortgage/financial advisor - depending on who you bank with, they may offer this for free. It's hard to say to him, It would be good if you had xx savings compared to the amount I have saved as he may see that as quite overbearing. But if you come at it from the point of looking at some properties in an area you like, and have the finances broken up ie how much deposit is needed vs how much can you get on a mortgage and then how to fairly split it That could give him a fair figure (as long as it is genuinely realistic) for him to aim to. So you can achieve your goal within the near future, and you're both working towards the joint goal rather than feeling a level of resentment if one party is saving more than the other.
£800k isnt a small sum for a house so I do appreciate that in this circumstance £20k may be only a drop in the ocean compared to what you need But one way that could translate to him, in order to really agree on good financial practises, could be to have the finances for this really clear And then I'd also suggest making clear groceries, bills, nursery fees etc etc So you can see clearly the money coming in and out currently (and who is in charge of this) And then how much could potentially be saved to move into a house pot/nursery pot/kids activities/ monthly or weekly treats etc etc Maybe this might help you to manage, organise and understand the finances clearly and hopefully destress And also, make for a really clear discussion with your husband. Once money values align, it should hopefully be a bit easier to navigate
He has 20k in savings and you're moaning 🤣