Happy Hour-- wasn't just the guys

has he given you any reason not to trust him? I think maybe you are being a little sensitive, honestly. I mean you can't really avoid women (I prefer women instead of females) being in hus vicinity so what difference does it make if it's a coworker vs other women being at the same bar? did you expect him to tell her not to join because you wanted it to be a guy's night? he's not intentionally leaving you at home to make it coed experience, it sounds like it was intended as a guys night at first but homegirl was invited to tag along. he's not hanging out with other women, he's going to the bar with coworkers. I think if you reframe your thinking here then you might feel a bit differently about it. so it brings back my original question, has he does anything that would cause you not to trust him?

@Sarah i see your point, but that’s also not the point. the point was it was a GUYS night, meaning no women should’ve been invited, yet a woman WAS invited, yet she got no invitation and had to stay home with the kids while he got to go out and have fun on a night out that turned into NOT a guys night, so it’s completely understandable and valid for her to feel this way

It was a work outing and you told him to go. Was he supposed to backtrack when she was invited and look like he needs his wife's permission to have a drink with another woman? The way you talk about this lady is disgusting. Not all women want to steal your man. Dude get a grip. Just because a woman joins a work drink doesn't mean they want the wives there. She's a colleague and they obviously have some sort of friendly relationship. Belittling this woman as "such females" is not cool. You probably don't even know her. You either trust your man or you don't.

@Ellen i see your point also, to an extent, but the way she's talking about the dynamic between the doctors and nurses gives off insecurity vibes, especially bringing up the part about having her guard up. that's why I was asking what I was asking. I'm not saying that her feelings aren't valid because all feelings are valid. but to be mad at him that a girl came along on their bar trip when it likely wasn't his idea, is where I'd say she's being a bit sensitive and am wondering if he has given her reason to doubt him.

I wouldn't care if a female coworker join last minute a guy meeting. I think there's nothing wrong with it. I would try to explore why do you feel bad about it ? Is there something in your own history that made you insecure about it ? Do you have trust issues with your husband ? Does he gave you reasons to doubt ? It's not easy and your feelings are valid. But I think this is something you should work about yourself because your husband didn't do anything wrong. It's just a coworker joining (doesn't matter if she is a female or not.)

When we chatted about it and I encouraged him to hangout after work with the other doctors he was volunteering with, he had said one of the guys wanted to grab dinner. I should have assumed others would be invited because a typical happy hour includes anyone from the office, and typically that dynamic doesn't bug me. My fault for assuming it would be a true guys night. What I dislike is three married doctors in their late 40s, went out for happy hour and a 23yro, single medical assistant joined. No one else. I was once her age and worked for doctors and I wouldn't have gone unless my girls from work joined. I don't like how comfortable she feels and find it weird. Yes, I've had experiences previously with similar age staff flirting/texting married doctors and behaving inappropriately at events, especially when alcohol is involved. My gaurd is up because it's not an equal work relationship; age gap, academic success and work status makes it an odd "friendship" for the guys and her/others like her

They didn't go to a bar. They went to a restaurant and grabbed a table. Obviously a bar is a more chill setting so even more annoying it wasn't a more private guys evening.

I understand your point of view but not all females are the same and act that low. It may have am been an innocent hangout, she may not be a doctor but she have needed the mental break as well. Unless your partner has given you reason to not trust him, I would go crazy and lose sleep over it.

@Jemima I agree. I'm over it now, I woke up annoyed but luckily my husband rarely does happy hour so I won't have to deal with this again for a while lol the other guys go out weekly. I'd lose my mind over that 😂

Corrections: I understand your point of view but not all females are the same and act that low. It may have been an innocent hangout, she may not be a doctor but she may have needed the mental break as well. Unless your partner has given you reason to not trust him, I would not go crazy and lose sleep over it. But yes girl, breathe, you already sound like you have a great husband for him even taking time to communicate with you. He could’ve intentionally hid that from you but he didn’t so give him credit and trust him.

I could see it being a problem if he made these plans and lied about it but you told him to go out and a female happened to join. It would be rude of him to say "sorry you can't come, my wife said I could only have 'guy time'." Unless he intentionally went out of his way to invite a woman, it's not really fair to be upset with him. A different coworker may have invited her or maybe she overheard and asked to join. If you trust him, then a female being there as part of a group shouldn't be a problem. If you wanted to be there to have time with him, you should have made those plans. Not just wanting to go because another woman is there

Yes, you are being too sensitive. So, it was a "colleagues drink" rather than a "drink with the guys". Did any of his other colleagues bring their partners? Who decided it was going to be a guys night? You, when you "gave him permission"? Or is that what he told you and you feel like he lied to you? I often go out with my colleagues without my husband being there (and I often don't even ask him tbh as I can't be bothered sorting out a babysitter for a small thing!) and it's not seen as weird at all and my husband hasn't ever been funny about it.

Sorry, I've just read further down. When I was in my 20s and single I would happily go to the pub with my married/older/more senior male colleagues with no other women going. Why? Because we had a good working relationship and I enjoyed talking to them. Plus I had nothing better to do after work! Absolutely nothing meant by it other than friendship and an excuse for a drink.

Also,I find it funny that you think a 23 year old would want anything with a man in his 40s 🤣

Yes you’re being too sensitive.

Same as Katie. The 23 year old me was going out all the time and with all type of people without wanting anything from them.

I can see where you all are coming from, unfortunately my eyes became wide open years ago when a few of the medical assistants came to me as clients and I heard too much. I heard them get excited over which doctor they thought would cheat on their wife, which one they wanted to sleep with, etc and didn't pay much attention until one day, one of them during her appt shared that a few of them found my husband hot and felt he would cheat on me because he was always nice 🥴 Sorry girls, but unfortunately I've never been in a world where young 20yros have an interest to hang out with older married men. I have a ton of friends, all different career fields and that wasn't a thing. Thankful I know better vs being dumb, but agree on this particular situation maybe I was too sensitive 👌

This sounds a little elitest and insecure. I work in law and we are ALL colleagues, from the receptionist to the managing partners we work together and we socialize together. I’m high up and never look down on my assistants or secretaries! I don’t know your personal experience so I can’t comment as to your trust of your husband, but most men don’t investigate. He was likely told “a group of us guys” and someone tagged along or invited her, if it wasn’t him personally, not his bad. I wouldn’t take this personal and I think the generalization here is a bit much.

@Nika I'm not an elitist, I just have experienced too many repeat situations within the work space with multiple people. His work environment used to be enmeshed and lines were blurred as too much time was spent outside of work with people that didn't need access into others personal lives. It has really improved as said women have since quit/been fired. As for the situation I mentioned of last night, yes, he didn't do anything wrong nor lie/withhold information. I just made the mistake of thinking he was only going out with his two other male colleagues. Typically when he has gone out before with a group from work, he asks me to join so we get a babysitter and enjoy together 😊 I do still stand by my feelings that he should enjoy dinner with his other fellow docs without a much younger, single woman joining. Me feelings aren't unique; other wives have actually given their husband's ultimatums or told them to stop hanging out with specific women, for valid reasons of their own.

This isn't just about some younger women joining happy hour. That alone isn't a problem. It's gone beyond in the past to late night texts, pictures, being too handsy when out having drinks, etc (this is not directed at my husband, but has been with a few of the medical assistants towards the doctors. So weird!) Anyway, he can enjoy group settings without me but a dinner/drinks with his guys should mean just that. No need for a woman 20 years younger to tag along ❤️

I think it's rather sad that some colleagues wouldn't be invited out just because they're female/ young/more junior. However, whatever may have happened in the past at your husband's workplace , if your husband is loyal, trustworthy and a good man then there is nothing to worry about. This is all your own insecurities

@Katie 😂 not at all. I was seeing a therapist a few years back for something unrelated to any of this but brought it up when things started happening and the key take away was BOUNDARIES and awareness. I'm not insecure, I just don't trust others. I do trust my man 👌

I think basically, this wasn't a boys night. It was drinks that happened to originally only be 3 guys. Then 1 lady joined. So it's not like he should have said "sorry you can't come, it's boys night" because it was never intended to be boys night, it's just drinks with colleagues.

“I don't like how comfortable she feels and find it weird” This is such a weird comment you’re uncomfortable with a female being near your husband, she doesn’t have to feel uncomfortable about going out with work friends. Her age and job title have nothing to do with it. You’re insecure that’s clear but shaming this girl isn’t necessary.

op, boundaries doesn't mean controlling what other people do. it's controlling how you respond to what other people do

@Sarah of course!

@Alana huh? Yeah, it IS weird. A young woman in her early twenties doesn't need to be grabbing dinner with married men twice her age. Clearly women like her are a larger problem 👌 no wonder so many marriages end in divorce; so many people don't respect boundaries, relationships and dynamics 🤦‍♀️Go grab your drinks and dinner with actual friends 🥴

dude no you're being sensitive fr. but there's clearly no changing your mind or providing perspective. if your husband hasn't given you reason not to trust him then don't stress out about it, plain and simple. freaking out like this definitely makes you look insecure and like you don't trust him.

Oh My God. Op, I'm so sorry you've been harassed on here. These responses are not it. I would feel exactly how you do. Multiple women at your husband's work were overly flirtatious???? Wtf. Not okay. No shit men can grab dinner or a damn drink without stupid little young ducklings straggling along. You have a great head on your shoulders. Ignore the stupid ass advice on here. Being married to a doctor isn't easy and having to deal with coworkers who don't value a marriage is even harder. Good luck babe

@Sarah how is she freaking out????? She has standards, probably why she is still married. She doesn't settle for less. She doesn't seem insecure. She seems like a woman who doesn't want to put up with ridiculous bullshit. Dude you are beyond off base 😬 you all are 😂😂

@Aly thank you 🥹 yeah some of the responses are cringe 🫣

@Sarah I'm not freaking out? I wasn't happy but I never freaked out.

Yeaaaahhh. Really not okay. I'm sorry this is the advice you got back 🎃

@Aly how is this woman a "stupid little young duckling" exactly?

Yeah, you are way over reacting, colleagues went out for drinks. Move on. If he invited her, it was just them, etc. Then yes, weird, but colleagues getting drinks or dinner is not weird. You mentioned boundaries. What are yours? Does your husband know them? Also, you have a lot of hate for the young women but seemingly none for the married men. Odd take.

Sooooo.... You gave him the green light to go out and let his hair down, then the moment you discovered a female colleague was joining that's it, you don't trust your husband anymore? Wow, that's very shitty behaviour on your part! It's really NOT OK to assume he will be up to no good just because you've heard a few stories. The poor bloke! I really hope you bloody apologised to him for ruining his night!