My sister you are not alone, God is with you. I am single mom with 20 months old baby, I have struggled. No support or emotional help, but in the midst of all this I started reading my bible and pray to God for help, I was in a place which I didn’t feel love or giving my child the love he needs, but after praying consistently, I feel free from all the negativity, emotions damage and anxiety, now I am able to share good moments with my child. Trust me pray and ask God for healing, my ex partner he cheated on me during my pregnancy and abused me, and I had so much anger inside me, but the Lord have separated me from him, ATM am let God work in my life and my Son life. I have been doing so much better. I don’t even care about being a single mother unmarried, all I know my son is safe and happy. We have to forget our past and start living for ourselves. The more you put in you, the more you will be able to put on other. I hope sharing my experience will help you.
Don’t worry about what is happening in his life. It’s nothing for you to be concerned about unless he’s harming the kids. Maybe stop planning his outings and activities with the kids because maybe that’s part of what’s making you feel resentful too. Also, you could try and find new ways to make new friends and speak to more people around you. Also try and think of all the things you do have in your life that you can be grateful for and what is going well and what you can be proud of, it will help you to be more positive.
You don’t think about him. It may seem like it’s better for him but as the kids get older they will see that it was you who did everything. Planned everything, made sure they had fun as were well taken care of. It’s a long war… don’t think about the battles