Should I relax?

My MIL and I have a “strained but polite” relationship,without going into details. They live local and my husband is upset we aren’t closer to them so we do try and see them for a few hours most weekends, usually he will go with LO and I’ll stay home but maybe every other time I’ll go too. She is always picking up my toddler, carrying him into another room away from us/whatever he’s doing which annoys me and makes me anxious or hold onto him on her knee when he wants to play, and tries to give him certain food etc after I’ve said no. She makes nasty comments sometimes veiled as friendly but generally I’m uncomfortable around her! We’re spending the weekend there and I was wondering if I should just suck it up, sit back and let her do what she wants for the three days and suffer through, or how can I reiterate boundaries when everything I say is ignored. For example in the restaurant yesterday there was a cat, he loves cats and I walked him over to see, the cat doesn’t like people and ran away and he was very upset for 10mins, she tries to take him to the cat 5 mins later and I said “no the cat runs away and it makes him upset, plus the food is here now and we’re trying to teach him to stay at the table and practice talking and playing here while we eat” she said “no he’s fine” picked him up from his chair and off she went

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Oh my goodness! I’d put my foot down, you can’t have her walking all over you or she’ll do it for the rest of your life. Your baby, what you say goes. Have you spoken to your husband about how you’re feeling? X

I would first speak to your husband and say she isn’t following the boundaries set and say that you both need to have a word with her about this. As clearly your husband doesn’t reaffirm them which is why she is so comfortable doing so whenever you are around. My MIL we thought was going to be a problem but very early on we shut down her requests and now she even goes as far to show us things she bought before sending and will take things back if we don’t like/ don’t need. We had to be quite harsh and say if boundaries aren’t followed access to said child will be cut until people prove they respect our parenting decisions and so far no one has pushed them

I wouldn't 'relax', I'd set actual boundaries and follow through on the consequences of them. It sounds like you're just ignoring her stepping all over your parenting so she's never seen any consequences. If the boundary is that she can't take the child when you've said no, you go and grab the kid back when she does it and warn her that next time you're leaving. Then if she does it again you have to actually follow through or it's meaningless.

I agree with Caroline. It may be awkward, but it is not OK to carry on as you are. This way, she will learn the consequences of her actions, much like a child who does not listen.

If she leaves the room with your kiddo, follow her. There is no reason for someone to be that hell-bent on taking a child away from his or her parents unless they intend to do or say something they know the parents would not approve of. If she's trying to hold him when he wants to play, firmly tell her, "Please put him down. He clearly does not want to be held, and you need to respect that." If she gives him food after you say no, "MIL, I very clearly asked you not to give him that. If you can't respect my wishes, you will not be seeing my child."

As far as the rude comments, just look at her with a dead expression and calmly say, "Wow...what a strange thing to say out loud."

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