I hate that my MIL hits me up to check on her grandbaby instead of calling her son (my husband) 🙄

Do you guys have bad blood or anything? If she’s been rude or disrespectful and you don’t wanna talk I get it but she may just want a relationship with you as well as her grandson? Just my thoughts but idk context of your situation

Ignoring her is just going to hurt your relationship long term. Did she do something that bothers you, or is it just that she always contacts you first? Are you possibly a SAHM? That could be part of the reason she is always contacting you first

From the limited info it seems she is making sure not to exclude you and just cares about her grandchild. I can't see anything wrong in her behaviour without more details.

This sounds like there is more to this than you've told us. My MIL calls me all the time to see how everyone is doing, and I APPRECIATE it. Heck, we'll have a super long conversation when she calls, like I do with my own mother. It tells me that she cares about me too. She's a great MIL. So, I'm feeling like I'm missing some context from your post. And the way that you mentioned that you're already having to "put up" with your hubby says a lot to me too.

My MIL contacts me all the time about kids too, my Hubby is at work or so busy mostly that he misses a lot of thing that happen, so I'm happy to talk to her, I don't know how it's putting something more on you, just answering to few messages 🙂

Make a group chat with her and your husband. “Hi MIL, I made this chat so we can communicate and send pictures of baby!” Ask your husband to send pictures and answer questions, but you should try to do it sometimes too. You’re all a family, the more love for baby the better.

Ugh.. I wish my mil gave that much effort towards our kids. I might be the response you don't want to hear.. sorry. Are you the main caregiver of baby, while hb works? Probably why she'd be going through you first? She might even be trying to gain your love & respect? I'd be offended if my mil avoided contact with me. Or even made plans w/ the family w/o my input. But my mil is all about her daughters kids, more than ours. We make a reasonable amount of effort now after seeing her lack of.. But if she calls or text me about the kids I'll always answer🤷‍♀️ i don't want them growing up with a knowledge that there was a lack of family members efforts🫤💔

I’m guessing Incog is pissed because this is often what is known as “wife work” or the invisible load. Where all child/birthday/gift related stuff instantly falls to the woman/wife, why? Just because she’s female. Implying that their sons aren’t capable of doing such menial tasks. It just ends up being yet another thing to do on a long list of others. Usually these MIL don’t have good relationships with their sons hence why they never bother them - only their wives. The issue is further compounded when husband/wife are having troubles in their marriage. If you really don’t like her Incog (for whatever reason) the easiest thing to do would be to inform her in clear terms that you won’t be updating her or sending pics etc and to contact her son for that. If after that she still persists in contacting you, then by all means carry on ignoring her.

Nah I get it, I talk to my family, my husband talks to his. My MIL has never been very respectful to me, I cringe anytime she reaches out to me directly and I usually consult my husband anyway before I respond. I used to email photos every couple of months, and then when we visited I discovered she was printing out the crappy photos she took herself or cropping mine to exclude things, since then I rarely send anything. Definitely put this on your husband, it’s his family, if he’s not updating them that’s their issue not yours.

I know my husband sucks at communication so I don’t mind keeping her updated on the kids and generally just send pictures & updates every now and then on how they are doing.

@Neena @Katharine u guys seem to understand. Thank u 🙏 I’ve been very considerate with my MIL and husband throughout the years but enough is enough. A lot of tasks are being pushed to me which are not my responsibility even if I’m a sahm primary caregiver etc .. these tasks are my husbands. This is just one of them. They don’t hold their son accountable but they will often say indirect things to me that I’m not informing them etc … I can go into details how backwards something’s are that I’m choosing not to engage in anymore but yeah that’s why I feel uncomfortable with her hitting me up all the time

Oooohhhh... ok, that little bit of context makes a bit more sense. My ex mother in law was a nightmare. My current one is the exact opposite (thank God) from reading your post at first, I wasn't sure about your relationship and honestly didn't want to assume. If that's the case and she's making stupid remarks among other crap, then that makes sense. My ex mother in law treated me like I was the spawn of Satan. I was never good enough, and she would make remarks right in front of me that were highly insulting. I would definitely talk with your husband (if that would even help) or put down your boundary yourself and stick to it, period, whether she likes it or not. Your mental health matters. I'm sorry you're dealing with a MIL like that. I'm seriously grateful I dont have to anymore. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I can't stand MILs that act like this. It's so damn childish. You married into the family, therefore you're not the enemy, YOUR FAMILY. And to act like you're not is absolutely unacceptable.

I clicked ignore but I meant to click respond when you want

Your relationship with your MIL is no longer just about you…it benefits your child to keep this relationship strong. That’s super frustrating and not fair that it’s all put on you due to your husbands lack of communication…but I would just try and focus on the positive side of it. It sounds like your MIL cares enough about you and her grandson to reach out and that in itself is something to be grateful for

ahhh just read this. that’s super frustrating. If this were the case for me and my MIL were calling I would tell her to talk to her son and tell him he needs to be more active as a parent!

I would just ignore. You don't have to go out of your way for anyone ever if you do not want to thats just absurd. Ignore until she remembers she has a son she can contact instead.

At least your MIL calls you. Mine only contracts me when she can’t reach her darling son and says to me “tell him to call me” 🙄 No conversation whatsoever and she doesn’t even speak that much English.

I had a talk with my partner when I felt like this and he updates his family now rather than me doing it I found it stressful feeling like I had to update people I don’t naturally want to talk to. It felt like another ‘role’ but he was able to fulfil that At end of the day, if they aren’t updated ect not your problem, that’s his role

And why does that piss u off so much except she is being disrespectful? Shouldn’t you treat your husband family well if they are nice even if ur husband doesn’t communicate much? My mother inlaw and I speak at least 5 times a week. Whenever he calls her son he doesn’t really pick up he does that to everyone anyway cos he don’t like calls. Sometimes she even tells me to say hi to him. I don’t mind her 📞 my phone to talk to her grandkids. Unless more context is giving I’d say you are overbearing and this isn’t worth moaning about

We have a group WhatsApp with all members of my family growing up and all members of my husbands side growing up. We can then both keep everybody updated together. They all love the photos and comments we regularly put up. We share the 'workload' and everybody is kept in the loop on our daughter

@Ebunoluwa so it’s ok for ur husband to not like calls and not answer to people but u have a problem with me not answering to my in laws ? Wierd I actually have communicated and much more. Ur partner gets to keep being himself by not answering people, he gets to keep his boundaries , nobody crosses his boundaries , nobody says anything about it but as soon as a woman wants to be herself and not answer calls then she’s rude and w.e… I don’t put any expectations on myself anymore after I learned that my in laws had no expectations on their son nor did he .. so why should I ??

Yes and we all know that. He works day and night. I m a stay at home mom and that’s the least I can do for our kids. At the end of the day it’s for the sake of ur kids not ur benefit or ur husband’s If you have a problem with it, the simple answer is you do not like your mother inlaw. One way to stop her from calling you is to straight up tell her that. Personally I don’t mind cos seeing grandparents keeping the effort is a flex not all does. Cos at the end of the day it’s part of what we do for our kids. I find that women can never be satisfied. Most complain when the father’s side don’t put effort in but still complain when they do. Simple cut her off nd block her. That’s the quickest solution🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

Totally understand. I agree that main point of contact should be your husband. However, I think your MIL loves her grandchild and wants to have good relationship. I personally think you should not deprive your child of loving grandmother just because your husband is an incompetent/unwilling communicator. Let your MIL knows for the big things (birthday and big events for your baby); but if she ask about daily thing, or just regular stuff, you don’t have to put the effort answering it if you don’t want to

Some of these comments… lol I understand exactly how you feel and you are valid❤️ Your husband despite working can still pick up his phone and send pics to his own mother how ridiculous lol

If u don’t have a good relationship with her then just block her if it’s a emergency she will more then definitely call her son first then

Wow. You do know when you married him his family became your family too right? How hard can it be to reply yeah great here’s a couple of cute pics 🙄 I’d hate to think my husband was this rude to/about my parents!

My MIL speaks to both of us, but I’m close with her and I don’t have my own parents so it doesn’t feel like too much for me. I’d just respond when you feel like it and if you’re not up to it right now she can always call her son xx

I got told off by my partners grandparents for not keeping them updated in our daughter. I am supposedly the ine who has ti send the pictures and updates. I made it clear that I'll sort my side out and he can sort his side out .

It sounds like she wants to have a relationship with you and her grandchild. I don’t see what the issue is in her trying to talk to you. Honestly it sounds like you’re not happy in your marriage and your taking it out on her. You mentioned having to “put up with her son” which is pretty mean

I understand this. Just push hubby to call her more. I’m not big with texting or calling. I use Google photos app to share photos so I can avoid extra texting.

I’m actually surprised by the amount of people saying “it’s for the sake of your children.” If your MIL wants a solid relationship with them, that’s on her. If your husband wants a relationship with his mother, that’s on him. I support my child by making a visit to my inlaws once a year (they’re in a different country) and letting them foster a relationship directly with their grandchild. I welcome them to visit us and live in my house for 3+ weeks at a time so they foster a relationship. They have weekly FaceTimes that I am not involved with. But do I need to sacrifice my mental health by interacting with this person daily and catering to their demands for updates and pictures? No I do not. Those texts and pictures do not benefit my child, they benefit her, and I am not responsible for her. And neither are you for your MiL.

My MIL contacts me more than my partner, and my family only contacts me. I have a LOT going on in my life at the moment, but sending a few cutes pic of my son to my in-laws is not on my list of problems. Your feelings are valid, but I think you need to really think about the ramifications of this and if this is a hill you are willing to die on. Also, talk to your husband because he is the problem, not your MIL.

@Hannah yes thank u . I do send pics answer her call and texts . All I’m saying is she should be contacting her son and he should be updating her.

@Ebunoluwa If she really was concerned about her grandchild why does she keep calling me knowing I haven’t answered a few of her calls. But she doesn’t call her son to get info so she’s not really worried about the kid it’s more of a responsibility she’s trying to have me take. And no it’s not bc she wants a relationship with me bc we do have a relationship already and I’m putting the boundaries and rules on that relationship bc if I let my in laws lead the relationship my boundaries would not be respected. It’s crazy a mothers side of the family never hits up the father or puts that responsibility on the father. My husband comes home from work watches TV and he has weekends off lol he could easily update his family . These women make so many excuses for these men. My MIL could easily call my husband after work and on weekends for updates .. He has told me he watches Netflix on his phone at work so yeah I don’t feel bad for not being his secretary like they want me to be

YESSSS!!!! I agree completely!

With more context given I agree 🖐🏻🤚🏼

I agree with everyone else. Of there is no bad blood… that’s your mother in law, why would you not want her to be friendly and check on you. When you marry you marry the family as well.

@Wendi it’s not about being friendly . I can be friendly and have a good relationship with her without having to do my husbands responsibilities

It’s not really a responsibility….. that’s family….. I mean if you think that… seems like you shouldn’t even be married

@Wendi if it’s family then why doesn’t his mom call her son ? 😅 lol He had a baby and he’s not expected to update his family but i am . 🤦🏻‍♀️ They often come at me bc I don’t answer them all the time but I’ve never heard them say anything to their son 😳

@Wendi in any family there should be boundaries and responsibilities .. even ur own family will step all over u if u don’t advocate for urself .

Again it’s not about responsibility. As a married couple it shouldn’t matter this family or your family. You should Be happy your mother in law is wanting a positive relationship with you. It’s one thing if you were coparenting with an Ex…. But Like I said Seems like you shouldn’t be married with that mindset.

@Wendi 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ sure

If you thought you weren’t wrong you wouldn’t be incognito…. I feel bad for your kid… “im already putting up with her son” Yeah.. I can smell a divorce coming 😂😂😂😂

@Wendi lol yes putting up with a lot of things his parents didn’t bother teaching him. As u can see they are still babying him by not calling him for updates lol and expecting me to do everything for him . lol Sure I went incognito bc I think I’m wrong 😂 lol think again . Nice try

She should be yes, but HE should be reaching out to her. He is the problem here, not her. She is reaching out to the adult who actually replies. Who wouldn't do that? Also, in regards to what you said to @Ebunoluwa, she is contacting the person who has been responding, even if you aren't now. Should she probably also reach out to her son, absolutely. Are you blowing this way out of proportion, again, absolutely. She IS reaching out, so obviously, she cares. Why on earth does her calling the person most likely to answer make you assume she doesn't? This whole thing, especially your reaction and attitude in this post, is weird.

@Hannah if she cared so much she should have a convo with her son to make sure he replies but she doesn’t. Why? bc she doesn’t think that’s his responsibility. Now THATS an actual weird behavior. When we get home from visiting them she expects me to text her that we have arrived, while her son could easily do that!! And if she don’t receive a message from me she will call me and text me and ask but she won’t call or text her son. When I was using the toilet she yelled to tell me the baby is hungry while her son was right next to the baby in the sofa chilling. Yeah no I’m not about to be conditioned to their ways. There’s so many other things but even if there wasn’t , the DIL should not be responsible for updating her in laws. And if u read my post I have already talked to my partner so it’s on him and my MIL bc I’m already doing my part.

@Hannah and I just wanna say we have a good relationship but that doesn’t mean I can’t have boundaries and can’t stand up for what makes me uncomfortable. I have been super considerate to her wants when she wasn’t even the pregnant one or new mom. It’s been about her more than about me but that’s besides the point. A DIL should not be solely responsible for updating her in laws if they have a capable son.

You never mentioned some of that. Yes, your MIL is annoying, but the problem is still your husband. He is the one that has shown his mum and you that he won't answer the phone. Why didn't he just pick up your child? Have you actually spoken to her and outlined how you feel and that you have so much on your plate and you won't be answering her calls unless she has genuinely tried to reach out to your partner first? What has ypur husband said when yoh have spoken to him? Why are you with him?

@Hannah lol yeah I ask myself that question too. But even if I didn’t mention the extra stuff like I said a DIL should not expected to do things for her in laws that her partner should be doing I have told her that he is the father too and that he should be updating them too but she is old school and is always going to push those things to me. So unfortunately I gotta put boundaries bc her nor him respect that. I gotta work with what I have as we are a family now but it is difficult and unnecessary stuff I gotta deal with and I’m sure many other women do too 😕