Can it be done?
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Set the boundaries before you get married, I'm in the same situation except I'm married(11 years) and we have a 6 year old son together. My mother-in-law lives with us, her Husband is alive but they don't have any CONNECTIONS and my husband is the same as your fiance,he never says No to his mother. Even though he knows I don't like her she doesn't like me. But still I'm sitting here just for my son. Almost every day makes my life like hell, but now I started to stand up for myself and my son. She thinks she is the mother of my son too.
@Katie I have, and he said, “that’s my mother. She worked 4 jobs at one point to raise me and my siblings while my dad was off with his whores.” (His dad is not her husband that died) And I get it and I truly do admire the relationship because I never had that with my parents. But part of me feels like this woman is a snake. You love me so much but the second you know I really need all your sons focus for just 2 days this is the stunt you pull? I don’t want this to turn into a one up game. Or a whose move is next game. Or a war. I’m not going to fight over a man with his mommy. I want to know how to ✨peacefully✨ get past this (if possible) or just accept it.
@Syeda we don’t live together yet since we are not married. She lives with him in his house, so I can see the nightmare forming before my eyes. Although to be honest I really truly don’t care that he does for her. Like I said that makes my heart happy, I’m all about family. What is killing me is the fact she knows I had a procedure done and I’m in pain and needed the help. I just don’t want that to escalate.
I’d say run 🏃♀️
My husband was just like this and our relationship suffered many times because of his mums high need demands. I always admired the closeness of their relationship so tried to let it go. When I had a baby (her first grandchild) her needs intensified and she tried to freeze me out. If my own child??! now we have very little to do with her. I share my story because your husband will realise on his own, you don’t need to say anything.
@Colby She definitely needs to set boundaries from now
@Colby I feel like he does see it, because he does have his moments where he will snap on her. But then after a week or so guilt sets in and he’s right back to being at her beck and call. I don’t want him snapping on her, but I can’t control the dynamic of their relationship. I can only attempt to handle what’s going on in mine. Every time I bring his mother up he gets super defensive (as expected) so I’m just not sure how to go about saying anything. Especially since him and I both know how she is. She’s not a fan of kids and doesn’t really care to see the grandkids she has now, so I’m not worried about that aspect thank god
It’s so hard :( they do get super defensive about their mum so I wouldn’t raise that. I focused on my expectations of our relationship. Our plans etc. There were days where hubby would call and say I’ve just finished work I’m on my way at like 2pm then I’d not hear from him until 10. His mum would have called with a list of chores that sidetracked him 🙄 so rather than focusing on your mums an adult and can sort things herself I just focused on me. I was worried after I expected him and didn’t see him for 8 hours with no contact etc. he could have been dead! That approach seemed to be more productive.
Can you talk to his mum about it? Since it's maybe falling on deaf ears with him
Run!!! If he doesn’t see the problem with her now you will have to fight like hell for him to finally see it. It’s not worth it. Fighting and not talking is not healthy. If he does this to his mom what makes you think he won’t do that to you or his future children. He has a lot of work to do on himself. Alone.
Have you talked about it with him yet? I’d be afraid that he would choose her over you and your child (if you guys want kids) and he will let her get in between you guys. Boundaries definitely need set now before things get out of hand