My own mother

I feel awful posting this because I know my mom loves the bones out of all of us but I’m finding her so draining currently. I have a 14 month old and am currently 5 months pregnant. I love her but I would describe my mom as lazy (she wouldn’t agree with this) she naps everyday, everyone has to drive her around if we’re going out together, even though she drives and has a car. I feel like when I’m with her or at my parents, aside from kindly making me a cup of tea I do all the running around. Two example of why I’m getting fed up is I had to go to hospital for an appointment the other day, normally my MIL would have my boy (she is a godsend) but she was tied up so my parents kindly said they would have him for a couple hours. When I got there they watched me carry him, his bag and his folded up pram to the house. Another example was today I was sorting out my little one and asked my mom to open the pram and specifically said press the button on the handle, she somehow managed to take the two front wheels off and we couldn’t get them back on. She said my son was too heavy for her to carry so again I carried him around with his bag for an half hour before we went to a soft play. I played in there with him for a while and asked if she minded swapping for a little so I could rest, she said no as she it’s too much getting up off the floor. She never comes over but expects me to go over to hers. Everything has to be convenient for her, she isn’t old it’s due to her being lazy she feels tired all the time she also doesn’t care for herself properly at all. She’s diabetic and her diet is horrendous I probably sound over dramatic but I am so run down from this pregnancy and caring for my son and rather than ever asking how I am she will tell me all her problems and moan to me. Is there anything I can say to share how I feel but be respectful?

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Sounds like we have the same mom.. literally 💀

Oh gosh, I really feel for you! It's so frustrating being around people who want to see your LO but don't do anything much to help you even when they see you might be struggling. I dont like being around my mil too often for similar reasons. I feel bad to say it, but she is also lazy & will try to tell me what to do instead of using her initiative to actually help & I got so burnt out seeing her every weekend I had to stop & distance myself. I'd say as it's your own mum, tell her how you feel & that you like seeing her but that you're tired & need more help. Say that if she isn't willing to help that it's unlikely you will be able to see her much as your pregnancy progresses and once you have 2 little ones as travelling to her and her not even being able to carry a bag or pick up your son is going to be more difficult on you with another baby.

I dont think you are being dramatic, having a toddler is hard and adding pregnancy and then a newborn is going to be more challenging. I think Grandparents do need to realise if they want to take an active role in their grandchildrens lives they have to maintain a certain level of fitness to be able to run around after them or like you said crawl around with them at the softplay. My MIL can't do any of that either & you want people around who are helpful. It doesn't help you if you come back from a visit to your mum's more physically and emotionally exhausted than when you arrived it will take a toll on your health

Awee 🫶🏼🫶🏼💔💔 I feel u on this . I experience something similar. It’s difficult. I tried to talk to my mom but it’s just who she is and I’ve decided to just love her for who she is and not have any expectations of her. Bc she raised 7 kids and lots of grandkids so by the time my baby was born she was already too tired … I couldn’t ask more from her .. but it does break my heart not seeing her too affectionate to my baby nor helpful to me 😢. But it’s ok she did her time and sacrificed already with me . I just gotta be grateful so I don’t go crazy and depressed

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