My other half works from home which makes things easier as he sees more of our day to day, heāll do nappies and give her a bath etc. but Iām EBF too so itās mainly on me. Itās a delicate balance, you need to find your routine that youāre both happy with. For us heās the default parent until 9am when he starts work. He gets her up gives breakfast (that Iāve prepped the night before) reads and plays with her and puts her down for her first nap. Iām there to feed when sheās ready, workout, shower or generally potter around. At 5pm if he hasnāt finished heāll stop working and go back once sheās gone to bed. Iām in charge of food, do most of the tidying, cleaning and planning etc. but thatās fair enough as Iām on maternity after all. We each get a sleep in at the weekends. He goes out Friday night so I do Saturday morning. I get a sleep in Sunday until sheās ready to feed. Iāve started to go to a choir on a Tuesday 8-9pm which fits in perfectly with her 6-7pm bedtime.
I wouldnāt be feeding until after 3 hours anyway. Thatās an important hour in my week to feel a sense of normality away from her. Honestly I wouldnāt be too hard on your partner with not taking initiative until being asked. Heās probably fearful of getting it wrong or getting in the way. Too many cooks and all that. Open communication is key and give each other plenty of slack. Itās really hard to find a balance when everyone is struggling to adapt. When you say your LO wonāt settle if not on the boob, is this at night? I had this issue for 5 months. She woke on transfer and ended up back on the boob time and time again for hours and hours. I couldnāt go on and it was taking a toll on my mental health and our relationship. We sleep trained, not for everyone but something to consider if you want your sanity back. She puts herself to sleep and we get a full night of sleep 6-6 or 7-7 with only 1 or 2 wake ups for feeds
I really struggle when people say "it's just a man thing". It's not. I've had a baby at the same time as 2 of my best friends, and both their husbands plus mine do a lot. My husband managed to negotiate flexible working hours with his employer (which if you're full time PAYE most HR teams cannot deny without a proper reason). This was negotiated with an adjustment of start time so he could finish work sooner so it doesn't impact his pay, as work hours are the same. My husband therefore does all bathtimes as it's his bonding time. Every day at 5pm he takes her for a walk or out somewhere. Bedtime is at 7pm. Weekends he takes her swimming so I'm free to do things and generally takes the lead on nappies etc I pump milk to leave with him, and he's encouraged me to have nights off with friends. It's the same for my friends partners. I have two older brothers and they were also present fathers? Its 2025, not the 80s. If men want to genuinely make the effort, they can absolutely find a way.
I donāt think itās a man thing. I think itās if he wanted to he would. My partner works 5 days a week and still helps out so much with both our kids when he gets home to give me a break. If I cook, he cleans. We both take one kid each for bedtime and he does the last feed of the night at midnight and settles her back down. I would suggest talking to your partner ? Ask him if his scared of getting it wrong or anything like that xx
I would say weāre very equal. My husband acknowledges that looking after a baby is much harder than his professional job, so does what he can when he can. Every morning he will wash & sterilize bottles, unload the dishwasher and prep LOās porridge for breakfast. In the evenings, Iāll cook and he cleans up. He works 2/5 days from home. So on days he works from home, heāll cook dinner. We love doing bath time together!
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My partner is the same. We donāt live together as we both still live with parents. Heāll help but I have to ask every time. As u said thereās no initiative. Honestly I think itās just a man thing. I feel like a single mum alot of the time especially as I donāt see him everyday. Pumping or formula will be a good idea. Iām trying to wean from ebf onto formula now. I also do all the meal prep. I get a break once every week or two where sheāll go to her dads which helps a lot. Heās better with her when Iām not there as well as i think he just relies on the fact Iāll do it if heās at mine. Do you have any family or his family that can have her for a couple hours 1 day a week? Itās hard honestly and i feel for u š«¶š¼