College Vs Jail

I am doing some research on the best Elementary schools in Texas. While doing my research ---- I had a conversation with a counselor at one of these private schools... in an affluent neighborhood (I won't say the name on this post) anyways My concern is ---bullying and conflict resolution. I asked this counselor about the methods they use at this school She says--- all the children are pretty much well behaved except a handful, they act out occasionally. She gave me an example of a student who was normally (well behaved) but was a bit emotionally aggressive- one day. The counselor asked the student -what was going on at home. The girl said - it's her dad, she misses him and wishes he would come home and stay home more often. Spend time with her and her siblings. The students dad has a high paid, high demand career. Not home and doesn't engage with the family. But , the family lives in a mini mansion. The students has 'live in' nannies. The counselor says the right things to express empathy, and validate the students feelings. The counselor tells me , that she can relate to her feelings even though... the counselors dad was in jail for 15 years. And not at work. She acted out as a child because of it. I kinda can see the similarities, if you squint your eyes to look at both situations. They both their dads are missing the childhood of their offspring. But is this really the same though???

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An absent parent is an absent parent

I think it's pretty similar. I've even known some dad's that were in prison that were more present than some that were career chasers

Yeah I think the basic effect is the same. The dad is not there and meeting the needs of the child.

In my opinion the context and emotional dynamics seem quite different. The student’s father is absent because of work commitments, which is often associated with privilege, financial stability, and certain expectations of success, while the counselor’s father was absent due to imprisonment, which may come with feelings of shame, stigma, or instability. Both situations involve emotional pain from the absence of a parent, but the causes, societal responses, and potential emotional impacts can vary greatly. The counselor may have been trying to show empathy, but it’s understandable that you’d question if these situations are truly comparable. Ultimately, both scenarios require different kinds of emotional support and understanding, given the underlying circumstances. The way each child processes their experience may also be vastly different, based on the environment they grow up in and the coping mechanisms they’re taught.

It seems different to us as adults but as a young child who doesn’t understand the complexities all you know is dad isn’t there and that makes me sad

There are strong parallels but I don’t think it’s really the same, cause if the kid was the one with a dad in jail and the counsellor was the one with the workaholic father, it would be extremely poor taste for the counsellor to make that comparison.

She said she can relate, not that it was the exact same. I have no issue with what the counselor said

I see the SLIGHT similarities, but to a kid your dad isn’t there one reason or another the child always notices and My father got married after my mom to his HS sweetheart. I knew her my whole life. My mother never spoke down about my father, but he moved in with her 3 hours away, and never had the money to come see me. My mom did what she could, but I grew up mad and refusing to make the trip if he wouldn’t. I eventually realized he chose her and her kids over me, and a part of me still resents him for it. I personally was a good kid, but in his place I had my maternal grandmother to help raise me, and while she couldn’t do much physically, she did so so much to show she was present as she could be. Even driving 2 hours 1 way to get me for the weekend when my father canceled. Nearly every time. Every kid is different, but I believe it would be the same for either parent. Not just dad. If rolls for me switched, I feel my feelings would be equally switched as well.

Situations are different and with that can come nuances, but the feeling of absence is the same to the child.

The incarcerated father cannot be there due to a past choice (the crime), whereas as the working dad is on some level constantly choosing not to be there. If the child has some understanding of this, the latter could feel worse. Also the working dad, even if mostly absent, probably still has some presence so it's a frequent reminder that he exists to make money and not make time.

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