Comparing to successful working moms

So, for me, I struggle with the fact that I can't quantify my success or accomplishments as a full-time parent the way I could as a department head. I don't have specific deadlines or my salary, or my public image to use to say, "Ah, yes. See? I'm doing an undeniably good job. Just look at these facts." A lot of this for me comes from a need to "prove" my worth. It's not great, and it's something I'm working on. ... but it would help if society valued parenthood, motherhood, and women in general more. Lol.

@Katy I think it’s the same for me. I ran an entire store and team before I quit to stay home and we were doing big things- and like you said there was solid evidence and proof of that. I think a lot of mine comes from the money aspect too. Hearing so and so is making $140k a year and I’m making .. zero 😅

It's a blow for sure. We were living so well within our means and never really thinking twice about spending and going back to living on a budget is rough. I do think I'm lucky because I don't really hear about others' salaries often. 😂

No, I work full time and am very successful at what I do. My husband is in the same industry and often hears "oh you're Olivia's husband!" But I could never handle staying home. We could afford it but I'm not built for it so props to those that can!

@Liv this wouldn’t apply to you then……

@Liv this really isn't helpful or supportive for OP.

Ah gotcha, I can't have the same feelings then in reverse. Noted

@Liv make your own post.

i stayed home for 6 months & now i work once a week to keep up my skills (i’m a nurse) & to just feel like i’m more than a mom? idk it’s weird. i love love love being home with my son but yes, i sometimes feel inadequate compared to my working mom friends (even non mom friends). especially losing a full income and having to depend on my husband which i’ve always been very independent. now that my son is going to be 1 i’m considering working part time or maybe getting back into my small business. but maybe this feeling goes away. all this to say i do not have any advice but you are not alone ❤️

@Liv What I don't understand is why you're in a SAHM group? lol

@Taylor sometimes topics pop up in notifs from groups you’re not in happens to me all the time

@Liv I completely see where you’re coming from I think it’s very healthy to get both perspectives so we each can understand the “grass isn’t greener” we all have desires if we all worked instead of being home with the kids we still wouldn’t feel fulfilled bc often times working full time is associated with guilt for not being there to take care of the kids that’s the main reason why we stay home. I like to think of it this way… my kids won’t always be home (unless you plan on homeschooling) when they go to school that’s when I’ll go back to focusing on me and whatever career goals I want to achieve. Also people literally pay for cleaners, babysitters, daycares etc… add all that up and that’s how much we’re all saving by staying home.

@Taylor I open the app, click "villages" and scroll. I don't control what shows up there. @Natalya thanks for seeing what I'm getting at. I focus on a career because that's what keeps me mentally healthy. I envy Mom's that thrive on being home with their kids. There's no "right" way to do it but know that there's likely a mom your jealous of who's probably jealous of you

@Natalya But don't you usually see what group it's posted to? Also... it's so crummy to see a post with someone struggling with something, asking to see if anyone shares their feelings, seeking to feel less alone, and saying, "NOPE!" I don't understand that instinct, especially on an app made for moms trying to build connections and support systems. (I realize you didn't do this. I'm just venting.)

@Samara thank you! That’s great you’re able to work one day a week! I’m sure it really helps- my daughter is almost two and my son 3.5 and I haven’t worked since December 2020 five months before he was born. So, it’s been a while.

@Katy I don’t think she meant to come off that way… text based comments are not the best way to communicate especially when others can take it a different way. I took it as she works bc she cannot handle staying at home for her mental health completely understandable especially from a sahm it’s not easy BUT she envies that, she would love to be able to be in our shoes if only she would be able to thrive as a sahm. I think she was being supportive in a way of letting us sahm moms know the grass isn’t greener we may feel unfulfilled sometimes but so do moms that work outside the home. We may sometimes be envious but they also feel the same way we do. Does that make sense? I think it’s great to have these conversations bc it’s a great way to ease the burdens we put on ourselves as moms and just women in general.

@Katy also I guess if you’re paying attention? Sometimes I see the group and other times I’m too focused on what op says to see what group I’m in I only notice after the fact i commented

Op you’re doing great don’t take that away from yourself. You don’t have to prove your worth in a dollar or to people. You know your worth. You know what you bring to the table. If you ever doubt that remember the sleepless nights. Remember your partner sleeping while you woke up every 2 hours to breast feed/pump/feed the baby… the late nights with baby and early mornings with the toddler. While your partner didn’t have to deal with 1+ babies crying/screaming all day long while also going through post partum. Working is hard definitely but that in no way takes away from what we do. The love and adoration our children show us… that’s enough to let us know we are where we need to be❤️ hope this helps

@Natalya I think you are a very kind and generous person. Haha. I don't see that support in there at all, and, tbh, I have noooo extra energy for justifying sloppy behavior (i.e., not paying attention to what you're doing) in adults. I think folks should pay attention, be considerate, be aware of what you're doing and how, etc. (Also, that individual's followup of "so I can't express MY feelings" doesn't signal generous intent, imo.)