As a SAHM, what do you consider ‘bare minimum’

Hearing something like that can be tough, especially when you’re doing your best. What someone considers the “bare minimum” can vary depending on their expectations or what they’re used to, but to me “bare minimum” would be basic Care. Ensuring the child is fed, changed, and safe. This includes things like diaper changes, meals, naps, and keeping the child out of harm’s way. Completing essential chores, such as cleaning up after meals, doing a bit of laundry, or tidying up toys. This could be seen as just maintaining the household at a very basic level. If you’re only focused on keeping your child safe and meeting their physical needs, but not engaging with them through play, reading, or learning activities, some people might view this as “bare minimum” parenting. However, every day looks different when you’re caring for a young child, and what’s considered “enough” can fluctuate depending on circumstances like sleep, energy levels, and other stressors.

I’d have an open conversation with your fiancé about the challenges you’re facing, and what he imagines would be different if the roles were reversed. Maybe there are some underlying stresses that need to be addressed together as a team. What you’re doing day in and day out might feel like the bare minimum because of how much there is to do, but it doesn’t mean it’s not valuable or exhausting. You’re caring for your child, and that’s a huge, important job.

Bare minimum is keeping the child alive😂 everything else is labor, don’t let him fool you, if someone can get paid to do it then it’s labor, he just doesn’t pay for it

Waking up, not self destructing, not letting anyone die, not letting the house catch on fire, making sure kids are fed & taken care of. If he can get more done at home & he wishes to, let him try being a stay at home dad. It’ll put shit into perspective real quick.

@Michele I agree. He was upset yesterday because I didn’t put the dishes away, then got pissed because I went on a tangent about everything I did that day. It’s not the first time he’s said I do the bare minimum, but he literally never gives baths, changes diapers, puts him to sleep, READS to him …..and IM doing the bare minimum. Simply because he brings home money he is exempt or something lmao

@Angel I do all that. If all is not completed everyday then I’m slacking. It’s ridiculous honestly.

Your efforts are valid, and it's essential to recognize and appreciate what you do manage to accomplish! Anything else he can help you do when he comes home. Balancing parenting and household responsibilities is challenging, especially with young children. It’s important to remember that not every day will be perfect, and it’s okay to have days when things don’t go as planned.

Tell him he’s a bare minimum father 🤭🫣

@Jamie I did LOL he didn’t appreciate that much 💅

Tell him he could have used 15 to put the dishes away and let you breathe. They don’t know how draining entertaining a child all day and meeting their needs while trying to run errands do chores and make meals is. I can do each of those things better if I wasn’t being interrupted every 15-30 mins, as I speak my 6 month old is sleeping in my arm I have to go clean the kitchen and cook n run errands, guess what happens if I lay him down on the bed right now 😭 either way he will be up in less than 30 mins at least he won’t be as fussy

He needs to balance the parenting part so you have time for the other part. You are picking up his slack. I am not sure when you are getting married…but wait until you see if he rises to the occasion with your son. This is a red flag situation. If he’s not able to change it now…it will cause a lot of heartache.

I agree with @Angel and bare minimum depends on how they are, their mentality what’re they’re able to get accomplished but taking care of the child properly and yourself is bare minimum. I don’t really think if you’re the only one responsible for everything household you’re in charge of per say the other adults meals/clothes/cleaning up after them. I would ask what his thoughts on bare minimum is, explain your mental/physical states regarding how much you feel you can get done without wanting to bash your head against a wall by nighttime

I have a 3 year old and currently 30 weeks pregnant, I got up fed both me and our daughter, washed clothes and hung them out to dry, showered myself and bathed my daughter, made the beds and did a little but if hoovering, made her lunch for the day, walked to the shops (15 minutes walk) then jumped on the bus to see my parents I left the pots in the sink from this morning and when my partner got home he washed them, theirs no way he would ever say I'm doing the bare minimum because I'd go sick on his arse not just that but he just wouldn't only POS partners say things like that to the mother of their child...... I just realised you put it as a SAHM. I work part-time

Don’t push yourself, esp because someone says what you’re doing isn’t enough if your child is taken care of. He needs to learn other perspectives try to feel some sort of empathy and understanding for you when he HASNT and probably won’t have your responsibilities..

@Kim no date set, we are both trying to decide if it’s worth it at this time actually 🤷🏽‍♀️ I also have been a SAHM for almost 4 years and have no money, so I’ve got a bumpy road ahead if we don’t make it work.

For me the bare minimum is cooking and cleaning up the kitchen afterwards. Everything else is a bonus Im not truly a SAHM but I stay home with my son until I go to work on second shift in the afternoon.

If he can do a better job, just let him 2 full days with kids and just watch him dying. Wtf with those men. If he needs a maid he can still hire one. You are his wife, not a slave for your family

@Michele girl tool every word out my mouth lol

It took my husband until our 3rd child was born to get it. 🫠 I worked sporadically as a part-time nanny from the time our first was 9 months until he was 5 & our second was 2...and I brought them with me. I stopped working a few months into covid & became a full-time stay at homeschooling mama. Two years later we had our 3rd & my husband spend 4 weeks at home with our older boys & did about 75% of the things I normally do (minus most of the mental load because I was home to help if needed). After 2 weeks he came to me and apologized for not realizing what my day to day is truly like. Our marriage & family life has gotten a lot better since then. So if possible I would absolutely let him know what the responsibilities and expectations are from your view & then leave him to do both what you do & what he feels needs to done.