How do you deal with people's expectations

Its very hard because a lot of women the generation above us had to ‘fight’ to be taken seriously in their careers etc so I think they come from that point of view, they were also fed the lie that women can ‘have it all’ but we now know that usually means being burnt out!! In terms of practicalities, and to keep your options open just in case, you could always get a one year career break so you can decide in a years time and then you’ll know for sure? May also buy you a year without snarky comments

I had a very successful career too. I was working for a tech company, and everything was going very well. I decided to be a stay-at-home mom to take care of my baby. To be honest, it was a hard decision for me, but then I realized it was difficult mostly because of other people’s questions and judgmental comments. I tried not to care about their questions or comments, especially from other women. My due date is very close, and even now, other people are asking me when I’m going back to work. Like, come on, I haven’t even had the baby yet! If my husband and I are okay with this decision, who the hell are you to put pressure on me? I believe that spending time with my baby is more important, especially since I can handle it financially. It’s not other people’s business because I don’t want to put my baby in nursery care.

+ In short, I completely understand you. It’s still hard for me to deal with other women’s comments, but I try not to care and just focus on my baby.

Totally relatable 🫶🏼 Get clarity on your why. What benefits are you most passionate about with staying at home? The more confidence you have in your decision the less the comments bother you! Maybe take some time looking up statistics. If it’s possible for the family income, it has been proven by a WIDE margin that consistent home care is ideal for child’s development, ideally a parent, most ideally the mama. Going down that rabbit hole might give you a foundation to go off of such that you KNOW you’re doing what’s best. But also know that “just feeling like staying at home is what I wanna do” is perfectly valid, and it’s YOUR life ❤️

@Hilal Good for you! They’re little for SUCH a short time 🥺 Growing up, we always hear parents say that, but holy cow I had no idea how true it is!

I feel you! I’m in the same position. I’ve made the decision to come out of work for the first couple of years at least so I can raise our little girl. In my opinion, those first few years are precious and you can’t get that time back again. And we’re lucky we can afford to do this. Anytime someone questions me about it I just say well we have no family around us, and it’s true we don’t, and it would cost my husband and I a fortune in nursery fees if I did go back so we’d effectively be using all my wages just to pay childcare anyway. That doesn’t work for me! But at the end of the day, people can have their opinions but it’s up to you and your husband how you manage raising your child. People will always have opinions, you just learn to let them go.

I absolutely love being a STAY* at home mum. If it's what you want, do it. Others are not living your life so they don't have a say. I love hanging out and teaching my child all day and then arranging play dates. Your side hustle if you wanted one could come from other mums. You could provide/create something we're missing, or something we want but doesn't exist. I say go for it!

I left my career too, in fact the only way I would agree to having children was if I could be a SAHM. I told anyone who was having problems understanding that I wanted to stay home with my twins that the hopes and expectations they were projecting on to me were none of my business. I told them that I hope they could be happy for me and my family but it wasn’t necessary lol

@Stacey 🇵🇸 I love this answer!

Not convinced home schooling is a good idea personally - but staying at home for three years is ideal!!! It takes 3 years to form a secure attachment -

I wouldn’t listen to their comments. I told everyone I wanted to stay home with my kiddo so I can ensure a safe environment, enjoy all their firsts, send my husband lots of pictures and videos so he never missed out, so I know what she’s learning and where there needs improvement or more work, and make sure I’m always present with my children and my husband agrees 100% and explained that to his parents when they were giving me a hard time for staying home. Plus most of my paycheck would’ve been sent to daycare so there really wasn’t any point and my husband was able to focus on his career and it really took off for him. I think people who make the negative comments wish they could be in your shoes so I just blow them off and explain how smart my daughter is and how I still get her socialized

@Natalie thank you! Really helped with boundary setting and everyone’s expectations as to what I would and would not be willing to talk about.

@Stacey 🇵🇸 that’s definitely a good thing. I feel like so many mums are afraid to set boundaries in case of offending people. That is not something I worry about 😂

I get those comments from my MIL and FIL. Never directed at me, but to my husband behind my back. "Why hasn't she gone back to work?" "You all could afford more stuff if she was working you know" "the house isn't very well kept for someone who is at home ALL DAY" "are you sure you're okay with her just sitting at home all day?" "It takes two people to make a child, and both people should be financially contributing to caring for it". I could go on and on. But my husband defends me and our choice for me to be at home every time. We didn't want our kids in daycare, and if I had gone back, I would've only been working to pay for daycare (which seemed so pointless to us). My parents are all for it, because my mom stayed at home with us for 20 years (5 kids) and homeschooled us. If anyone makes a comment about me being at home to my face, I shut it down by literally saying "you can ask questions, but my choice isn't up for debate".

Flat out ignore them. I know it's tough but you will never ever regret more time with your baby. I went back after maternity leave for six months and hated every second even though I worked from home. My husband was the one that reminded me that I wanted to stay home when we first met and urged me to do it. Now I have two kids and I'm homeschooling and looking into starting a nature co-op. Just know no matter what choice you make, people are going to judge; so let them. You're in control

Others comments only penetrate as far as you let them. Picture an invisible wall and those ideas just bouncing right off. Side hustle? Bounce. Nursery? Bounce. Private school? Bounce. Some quick one liners to end the conversation might sound like. "Oh, I'm never bored at home." "I'm happy with what we're doing right now." "We'll consider that when it's time to think about school." You're taking this hard because it's your mother, and you believe she generally wants what's best for you, but now it's time for her to opinions to quiet down and let you know what's best for your child & family. 🌷

I just ignore them. If they say will I could never or something like that- I might respond with isn’t it great you made the decision that works best for you and your family. And leave it at that. I don’t feel the need to justify anything to anyone pretty much ever.

Honestly, I feel your pain, and I understand where you're coming from, as for me now each time I remember I'm going back to work I always feel bad I have projected the future that once I have my babyI will stop working, then I started an online business hoping it will stand in for my earnings but the business has not to grow the stage it can cover my expenses, but still on it, not to talk of childcare bill is killing, but if your husband understand you and you guys can cope financially don't give listening hear to others, you own your life. Follow your mind

@Natalie 🙌🏻

you'll have kids to take care of, that's never gonna bore you 😂

Thank you so much,ladies! Your comments have Been so kind and encouraging, I feel so supported and much stronger in my decision. Funny enough I've been so good with setting boundaries when it comes to the baby (I threatened a family member with a cast iron skillet if they were to kiss my baby when she was a newborn 😂), but just don't have it in me to stand up for myself. I think it also comes from me basing my own value on my career and financial contribution, which with the arrival of the baby is absurd really. Thank you again! You're all awesome!