in Mamas with depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders

Single Mum Life..

Honestly, it’s not even a joke anymore—I really don’t like anybody. I can’t stand anyone for more than a week. I can’t trust anyone, I feel like everyone is super fake and nobody actually cares. If I make a new friend and I’m seeing or chatting with her for a week, I already start disliking their habits, and I judge so quickly not in a bad way, I judge them in a way that I know why they behave certain way, what they’re like and why what made them that way. But I literally don’t get along with anyone. I’m afraid of what my future will look like, and I’m so tired of parenting alone. I have no support and no help of any kind from anyone. I’m a human, and I don’t know how to function when I’m in survival mode. My toddler screams and cries all the time if he doesn’t get his way. He doesn’t let me cook, clean, or do anything, and I can only get things done when he goes to bed at night. Most days, because of this, I can’t cook, so I end up ordering takeaway. Then I stress even more because I’m literally broke and still wasting money. I don’t know what to do. I really need someone to help me take care of my son. I can’t do everything alone. When he goes to bed, I’m completely exhausted, and I just cry, scroll on my phone, and fall asleep, leaving the house messy for days. Also we have been evicted from our private rented flat because they needed to sell it. And now I’ve no choice but to go to temporary accommodation and I hate that for my baby. Don’t know where they gonna put us how many times we will have to move from places to places. I’m so done with my life but I can’t even die, there’s no one to love my son the way I can. But this moving thing demotivates me even more, and I feel disappointed in myself to the point now I get anxiety attacks and I went to the doctor the other day for medication. Please pray for me guys I don’t want to give up 😭

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Sorry you are having a tough time. Have you thought about trying counselling. I don't know where you live but in England there are some free services. Maybe write things down too xx

Keep going girl, things will get better xx

Going to the doctor was the first step in the right direction, medication works wonders truly. I've just gone through the eviction, house move process at 6 months pregnant with two children so I know how hard that is too. It's fucking demoralising being forced out of your home and our rent has doubled as a result. Temporary accommodation wasn't an option for us so try and view that as a small silver lining, your little one won't remember it and you will get somewhere more financially feasible than private renting. A big issue here is your child's behaviour... How old is he? Based on the little you've said I'd say he's in desperate need of some tough love. You cannot be at his beck and call 24/7 whether he likes it or not, toddlers are more than capable of entertaining themselves and he should not be ruling the household like this. As someone who was a single parent to two for 7 years trust me when I say you need a firm to go hand in hand with the loving, you will be both be happier in the long run.

@Amber ThankYou so much for writing this all for me🩷 my little one is 2 and he started doing this after he made some friends who always cry for no reason and he picked that up before he was completely fine. I’m trying to avoid them now but still the damage has been done lol. Can you explain how I can be tough? I just lash out idk how to stop him crying I just get tired and last out because nothing else works also he has literally no one to play with and I’m currently in an Airbnb so he doesn’t have no toys here as well, also are you sure I should go thru temporary accommodation route? 😭

@Emma Cotterell I am in England and I tried talking therapis and they referred me to counselling and counselling lady said I have a child in the background so I wouldn’t be able to focus and she can’t help me 🫠

I tried everything, telling him to stop with love, trying to distract him, scolding everything lol nothing works, he wants what he wants 😭

2 is SUCH a hard age as it is because their language is limited so explaining things to them is very hard and they have basically no emotional regulation skills, but it does get easier with consistency! My daughter was so so highly strung as a toddler, her tantrums were big and if she didn't get what she wanted sometimes she would scream until she made herself sick 🙃 I found giving the least reaction possible to the screaming/throwing herself on the floor type behaviour, obviously making sure she was safe but not playing into the behaviour was best. It meant that I didn't get overwhelmed myself and she learned that that behaviour didn't get her anywhere, so if you can create a safe space to put him when he's throwing a big strop that's a good place to start! You can then safely step away and keep yourself regulated enough to respond patiently. I'd then be able to calmly offer her a cuddle and it was up to her to either accept my help regulating her feelings, tbh she always wanted the cuddle

Once you've calmed down the big feelings you can start redirecting attention to something, even just scribbling on some paper, stacking cups/bricks, simple little tasks to occupy him for a little while. As time goes on he'll take a liking to particular things and his ability to entertain himself for longer will grow with time, it's all about holding the firm line and knowing that it's okay to give yourself space and moments to breathe. You're only human, you're figuring out a lot of tough shit right now give yourself some grace ☺️

Re temporary housing, obviously I don't know your exact details and council etc but you're top priority right now on their list and private renting is honestly a bleak, debilitating way to live so I do think you should stick it out if you can x

@Amber ThankYou so so much love for all this useful info. I do that no reaction thing but I feel like I get triggered with noise and I feel overwhelmed when he cries so I lash out, also even while throwing a tantrum he would follow me everywhere I go and don’t let me sit to myself lol and yea I do offer cuddle and he comes to me for it but still continues crying and asking for the same thing.

But I always try to stick to my “no” because I know he will learn that he can get things this way if I would change it after watching him cry

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