TW: Miscarriage

I’m just here to vent and talk about how I’m feeling. I found out I was pregnant October 2nd. That following Friday I started bleeding really bad. Went to the hospital, they did blood work and my hCG levels were very low but still coming up as pregnant. I went back to the hospital on Saturday because I had bad cramps in my pelvic area and lower abdomen. Bleeding got worse. The Sunday I went in for an ultrasound and the dr told me that I have miscarried. I go back today for more blood work. This is the first time I have ever miscarried and I’m broken. My fiancé is trying to lighten the mood saying “just think about it, you were 2 weeks along. The baby is the size of a grain of rice. It’s not your fault. Just pretend you’re on your period and look what you have already” and pointed to our 2 other kids. I told him that it’s not him going through it and not his body trying to flush it away. Last night we ordered McDonald’s. He was playing Xbox he came in the room to talk to me. He then told his friends over Xbox that I ready finished my food and he just started his burger. His friends said “that’s gross tell her to go on a diet” and he started giggling at that comment but carried on to say “she’s not in a good place mentally right now and hasn’t eaten all day and it’s 8pm” the wife of the guy he plays with told her husband that I miscarried and shouldn’t be making comments about other people’s weight. Then his friend said “her weight killed the baby”. I already think it’s my fault and I disappointed my fiancé that I couldn’t carry another child. I am steady have to bring a drs note to work since I’ve left work Saturday and Sunday early. I’m just not in the right place mentally and emotionally. I hate myself that I failed what would’ve been a baby.