Polite advice

I would personally tell my partner to deal with this as it’s his uncle. Assuming he feels the same, so should have a conversation with his uncle. Perhaps suggest you can visit him every now and then instead.

Hi @Kristie , we have had a word with him before, when baby was few weeks old and had a bum rash.. now she is OK.. It's back to the same.. the problem is we live in a joint family.. so with my father in law in his house. It's mu fil brother in law who is around.

When he comes over, you and your husband should just get on with work (basically make him feel he’s not welcomed), he will get the hint hopefully and just stop coming.

@Mary we have tried this too and unfortunately doesn't seem to make any difference at all.. rather just fuatrates me

Your husband should speak to him then and tell him not to come during the weekdays

@Mary The uncle is a bit stubborn, last time he had a word 😳 he still bladdy came.. (nearly everyday!) his presence now sets and triggers me.. I need a way to either deal with it healthily, (can't think of how though) or just stay out for longer.. If its not me think of a way to politely tell him do not come.. its such a shame as my lil one does like his company.. I've tolerated it a few time for baby sake.. but when I am tierd or just want some time to me or us as a family.. it sets me off the most.

How old is he?

@Rosa grown retired man.. lates 60s? Or early 70s

I think anyone would struggle with that frequency. I’d start getting anticipatory anxiety 😅😐 It’s difficult as you’re a bit of a sitting duck being home with your baby. But something needs to change. Wonder what would happen if you got someone to babysit and you and your husband went out for the night… would he sit with the babysitter. Every night would be too much for anyone. Quite amazing that he doesn’t feel that himself. Frankly I’d consider moving house. But that may not seem like overly helpful advice to you.

Is he lonely? Would he be open to attending local community groups during the day? Could you suggest to visit him instead? Like twice a week. That way you can control how long you're in his presence for and it's on your own terms. And could your FIL also visit him?

Can you just tell him to leave when you want him to leave? Say “ thanks for visiting, unfortunately we’re going to ask you to leave so that we can have some time to put baby to bed.” Or so you can have some “alone time” or “We need to start an evening routine that works for our family” or “we have to be up early tomorrow” or something like that?

You could also just like turn off the tv and be like “we’re not doing screen time today” and turn it off so he has to leave if he wants to watch his shows

@Rosa @Aurora think I do have this type of anxiety! I dread goinghome soo badl, and some days I check on Ring. If he's there, I would just stay out longer or sit in my car with baby! I've also told my husband I want to move away! We own a flat and I said, "Lett's move in." So sometimes my mum comes to babysit and he is still the same! He is probably lonely and wants to get away from his nagging wife, who is always giving him chores! @Aurora , great suggestion! I'm going to point him to the gym with my dad (not fil) and his group. Maybe he will make some friends and just get out. My fil did try this when the baby was ill, which stopped him for a couple of hours! Sometimes a day here or two.. but other thing is my fil will take my baby over to them, which frankly I am.not happy with as I do not trust him.or his wife! I might have to calm and direct as

@Jill suggestions they not rude and quite direct as I've tried all the indirect tricks in books like let's go out..(literally taken baby in car for a spin) to get him out and lock up our home.. Turning TV off just means he pulls out his phone and watches YouTube on loud which is just as annoying. 😞 just so fed up I can't go on like this

Just don't answer the door? its literally your house.. I know you want to be polite but it seems like nothing else is working to get the message across.. sometimes you have to put yourself first x

@Charni why didn’t I think of this 😂

@Charni lol! If I am honest, I do this when it's just me and baby home. If my fil or husband is there I'm not sure I can, but at this point I wouldn't open door anyway. I would be so annoyed knowing it's him, one of themnusually my fil would answer (hes retired and home 60%). There are days where I sometimes can't help it.. my anger gets the better of me.. I would start banging the kitchen cabinets or rattling the kitchen utensils (cant when baby is asleep.or nearby for that matter). But he just so thick skinned! Like literally even his children have complained that they will be WFH in a meeting and he would go into the room and have a convo despite them saying they in a meeting.. its just him and his personality. But I can't seem to get pass feeling annoyed at his presence no matter how I try to calm myself or explain to myself.