Visits to MIL

Partner and I are strongly disagreeing about visits to MILs house, who lives about 1 hour away by train + overground. I go see her with our almost 2 year old every 2 weeks, and visits are around 2/3 hours. MIL has recently had an operation 2 weeks ago and is currently not very active but in general she is active, 60 years old, goes to theatre, opera, dinner - before operation. My partner works full time, long hours and nights and is tired on his days off, he does not take LO to her, I work part time. LO goes to nursery 3 whole days when I’m at work, I drop off and pick up every time. MIL does not come visit us at our house, also not pre-operation. At her house we would have tea / coffee sometimes lunch, LO plays with blocks, balls, puzzles etc and sometimes we go for a walk together. I am the one suggesting visits, days out to the zoo, go shopping together etc. This morning he questioned why my mum sees him more than his mum in the last 6 weeks (she lives in a different country and visits every 3 months and stays with us) Also questioned why his mum doesn’t have ‘alone time’ with LO? And why visits are always 2/3 hours not longer? My question and rant is; Is 1 visit every 2 weeks reasonable? Am I being difficult by not visiting more and always being with LO and MIL (so they feel they don’t have alone time) Please be honest, I really appreciate it 🙏

Show your support

Personally I’m wary of anyone who insists on “alone time” with my son without me there. Why do they want to spend time with him and not me, and why do they not want me around when they’re hanging out?

I think you are making outstanding efforts with your MIL - I could never - and second what Aoife said above

I think he needs to be asking himself or his mother those questions. You’re going above and beyond and I’m my eyes it’s not your responsibility. If she’s able then she should be making the effort to see her grandchild…

It's simple if she wants more time with him she needs to make more of an effort to see lo. If your husband wants his mom to see lo more he needs to make an effort to take lo to see his mom. You're already going out of your way. If your mom can make time & she lives out the country your mil should do more to be in her grandsons life

No one is entitled to alone time with your kids. If he wants his mom see your family more he can just make the effort himself or his mom coming over. Period. You are nice enough to go every 2 weeks.

Then tell her to make the effort. She could travel to you but chooses not to. If he wants more then tell him he needs to take your son. I see it as my job is to keep and retain contact with my side of the family and his side for his. She's lucky she gets every 2 weeks. My MIL wants to have my LG over night again and I've suggested maybe inviting a few of her cousins round at the same time as when his sisters kids stay all 5 if them stay together so my one isn't included. The response I got was that her daughter doesn't like the kids to be split up as they're a family . Yet, at their other nans she doesnt like to have them all at once so they do get split up. I didn't grow up being segregated from cousin's like that so it's not right for me. I don't understand why she can't invite the youngest 2 or 3 as my partners sisters youngest is 8 months older than our LG so she'd have someone to play with aswell

Screw that. I'd have a breakdown if I saw my MIL that much. I think I'm being generous at once a month but mine is a special case...

I think you are making an incredible effort to make that journey every two weeks. My baby is only 6 months and even when she's bigger I would not be that frequent 😅

Totally stop visiting her. She takes you for granted, you have to set your boundaries and limit her feeling of entitlement. Tell your husband that his mum can come visit at yours if she wants and whrn you decide to visit her maybe once a month, try to spend a day with her. Maybe from 12 noon to 6pm. Your story is similar to mine

You see her more than I go with my child 😂. I agree it’s very strange to ask for alone time, mine would do the exact same thing from when he was about 2 weeks old and it would always make me cry because she would take him out my arms and leave the room with him without saying anything. Now it’s he can stay over at my house or stay for the weekend, absolutely not. Definitely don’t allow it if you don’t feel comfortable, I find it weird to ask for alone time because what exactly do you want to do alone that you can’t do infront of me?

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌