Partner watching p*rn
Hey girls… I’m sorry this has not much to do with the group but I don’t know where else to turn right now.
I’m 7+5 with mine and my partners second child and have been in and out of hospital with a suspected ectopic (luckily it wasn’t but I found out I have ovarian cysts).
A hard boundary of mine throughout our entire relationship (3years) has been that I’m very uncomfortable with him watching p*rn due to my ex having an addiction and being so awful to me and making me extremely insecure because of it. Well I had a gut feeling and decided to snoop this morning (I know it was wrong 😔) and I have found out that he has been watching a stupid amount of p*rn for MONTHS, he’s also been looking into “hook up” apps . I’ve caught him watching p*rn a fair few times in the past and it has always led to explosive arguments , me threatening to leave and him promising to never do it again.
I’m genuinely so sad and confused and I could just really use some advice or maybe wwyd in my situation??
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Hook up apps are def different issue, but porn can be a natural thing to look at and instead of a blanket no, can you think of ways to work together on how to approach the issue in a healthy way?
Ie if you had an ex partner who was an alcoholic you wouldn’t ban your new partner from drinking but you might expect for healthy habits and open communication around drinking
Different people have different boundaries around porn. Personally I'm not opposed to it but if OP is openly against it and her partner knows it and agreed not to watch it then it's not a porn issue but a dishonesty and mismatched values issue. For me, dishonesty would be a dealbreaker, especially repeated dishonesty 🤷🏻♀️
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So sorry you're going through this! He knows it's a boundary for you but he clearly doesn't care which is unacceptable. Perhaps in his mind there is no real repercussion except being told off? Instead of another argument, I'd sit him down and calmly and coldly ask him what is it exactly that he is not getting from your relationship that he gets from porn or hookup sites (I agree with Oliva btw, that's cheating!). I would also tell him that he has 24h to come up with a plan as to how to address this issue or pack his bags, whichever he prefers. And don't make it an empty threat, follow through. Bottom line is you shouldn't be begging for respect in your relationship x