How do I stop this?

My husbands parents have been so overbearing since the birth of our 15 m.o. They are so rude to me and out of the 10 years we've been together, I've had more conflicts with them than I've had with anyone else in my life. I'm a people pleaser but I just can't take their shit anymore. They're all over my daughter who is terrified of them. They're obsessed. For a bit of context, they live 5 hours away and pre having our toddler we would see them 5 times a year. They want to see us all the time now. They stay 3 nights per week at my husbands sisters house watching her toddler who is the same age and I think because it's not the same with us They're rude and pushy. We are spending the week of our birthdays at the town we are all from. We are staying in their small holiday shack which we have stayed in many times before having our daughter and we would just go see them when we were in town. But I've just found out they've said they will be coming to stay with us at this cabin for the weekend with us! Them and my husbands sister, her husband, their 3 kids! 10 people under one roof. I'm so anxious since ive heard this. And my husband had also just said we have to drive all the way to his sisters which is 3 hours away for a Christmas day the week before Christmas and then drive the 5 hours to our hometown Christmas day! We were never expected to do this stuff before and the pressure is immense. I feel like crying. His father never even says hello and always reaches out for our daughter constantly and she never wants to go to him but he keeps at her. He is an alcoholic and snaps at me often, tries to feed our daughter things I've said I'm not ok with, tries to walk off with her away from me all the time among other things. The mother is rude, cranky, bitchy, says passive agressive comments to me constantly, is always glaring at me especially when my daughter just wants to go to me as well as about 50 other things. My husband says they love me which is bullshit. I don't know what to Do. I can't spend my life with all these horrible people around taking away my energy draining me. Every bloody otherwise happy event is ruined by them. They have ruined my postpartum experience and I've not been able to enjoy any holiday because they want to be involved in absolutely everything and my husband will not stick up for me and let us do anything as just a family. The anxiety that is running through me is incredible. Please be kind

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You gotta speak up for yourself. I don’t understand why their so obsessed, they got grandbabies from their daughter already 🙄 no one is taking my child out of my sight.

@Nelly so its not just me that doesn't like they're child being taken out of their view? What would you say?

I tried getting my husband to talk to his parents but tbh it didn’t help. We set very clear boundaries and they were ignored so we just stopped visiting. It was too hard. My husband family was the same, never celebrating special occasions previously but now there’s a grandchild all these expectations that we attend functions and drop everything to see them. For context we have 4 sets of grandparents and two great grandparents so it’s just not possible! Your not alone, but unfortunately I have no clear advise on how to stop it. But put your family first and drown their noise out. Don’t give them opportunities to upset you.

It was like this when my kids were born. Years of toting them around to grandparents because they felt entitled and we must go to them. I finally had enough and said I’m done traveling during holidays. I rather host. Everyone is invited here the door is open but don’t even ask me to travel and my kids are 14 and 12 now. Hosting is a lot but I rather have a couple hours of pressure then a whole day of misery. Plus people tend to leave you alone when ur cooking 🤣

You’ve got to put your foot down otherwise they’ll just keep walking all over you. I’ve experienced this since having my son and it’s sad that I have to basically shout at my in-laws. If it makes you anxious don’t go, 10 people under 1 roof would be enough to make me want to run.

How do I word what to say? I've literally paid for an air bnb last year when they wanted us all to stay in the same place. My husband was so rude and ungrateful about it too. Do I just say to my husband that they can stay one night but not all weekend? He goes on about how that's what they used to do as kids....and then tries to guilt trip me into not letting our daughter see her grandparents...which she does but it's not as much as they would like....which is already more than I'm comfortable with.

OK, so I don't have the best relationship with my parents, and we have had our moments. I am currently on bad terms with my mum, but my son adores them, so I have no issue with them spending time together. I couldn't deprive my son for my own selfish reasons. In saying that, it doesn't sound like your daughter has a good relationship with you in-laws, so I'd be a lot more hesitant in that situation. You need to stand up for yourself and your daughter. Their shack or not, you do not get to invite yourself and the rest of your family on someone elses holiday. Talk to your husband, tell him you won't be staying there and neither will your daughter if his parents and sister come. Or just flat out say you aren't staying. Can you organise to go elsewhere? Also, choose his sisters or your hometown, but don't do both. Put down boundaries and stick to them. If he is not going to respect your needs and put you and your daughter first, then do you really want to stay in that environment?

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