Help

By the way the weekend at his mums is with our baby, and it’s gunna be a huge hassle with prep machines, fitting s crib next to our bed and having to take it with us from home, making bottles/changes in the night when there’s a full house of people, not wanting every single person all over my baby so soon but I won’t be able to lock myself away with him. I’m protective and just want my time with him. He’s not for everyone else, he’s mine and my partners and It’s stressing me out already and I haven’t even given birth to him yet!

Of course all you will want to do is be at home with your baby I would just tell him you don't know how you are going to feel after having your baby and you want some time with just you as a little family just for a while you need to get to know your baby and a routine that works for you and to be able to just sit and snuggle and cuddle and not have anyone else want to have your baby obvs dad but just the 2 of you hate when they assume you want to go visit so soon they think giving birth is so easy that you will want to do all these things, just tell him how you feel about it all xx

@Kristen everything you just listed is reason enough. I told my husband I didn’t want to see anyone for a month and honestly when we have another baby I will refuse to travel anywhere anymore. My son is 15mo now and I’m constantly expected to go visit when nobody ever made an effort to visit us. I’m not doing that anymore. Put you and your baby first.

“No. I’m not doing that.” Seriously, you don’t need to make up an excuse. The fact you will have *just* given birth is reason enough. Just say no.

I had my MIL stay with me the week after I gave birth she was a god send I cried when she left! I had visitors pretty much from week one. We stay at his parents house in London it’s a lot of stuff to take but prep is key. You don’t need to take the prep machine I just took me tommee tippee go preps and did hot shot methods was very easy. Also I like going cos there’s always other family members and gives me a break from baby as they want to feed her change her etc. I would only go if I had the easy birth I had. You may have a difficult birth and take ages to recover. I was out walking with baby at 5 days so a rapid recovery which I definitely deserved after a horrific pregnancy. It’s all personal choice but I could have easily done it at two weeks and I see all the other people there as help! I’m also super close to his family they are my family, if you don’t have a close relationship I can see why you wouldn’t want to go. I also went to my cousins wedding when she was 3 weeks old.

3 hours is WAY too long of a drive that close to your due date! I don't take my baby anywhere in the first 2 weeks of giving birth. And no long drives for the first 6 weeks.

Newborns can get sick easily and it can be lethal.

I need doctor approval to travel after baby is born

Here's a bullet proof one.... you spoke to your pediatrician (girl yes you did), and since the baby hasn't had all his first shots yet, you've decided not to go out visiting family until he's gotten a few of his first shots. Especially because we are already in fall .... people are back to school .. any teachers or kids in the family are bound to have a few new bugs, same goes for recent traveling. Bottom line, you know everyone has their own schedules of when they bring their kids around...but you feel he's too young and hasn't had shots, so you'd like to wait a few months. Be sweet but firm....repeat it as many times as anyone needs to process and accept your decision. The in laws got their chance to raise their kids the way they wanted to--yay them-- this is your kid, your rules. Hubby supports momma by default.

And newborns are only supposed to be in the car seat for short periods of time? Would take forever to get there with all the breaks you would need, think it's only half hour at a time and not more than 2 hours in a day in the first month? https://www.madeformums.com/news/the-2-hour-car-seat-rule-what-you-need-to-know/

Sitting on stitches for 3 hours no thanks!! Also it will take you about 6hrs to get there with stops, feeds, nappy changes. Eurghhh I feel exhausted for you already!!! You don’t need a reason and tbh it shouldn’t even be up for debate. Just say what unfortunate timing we are going to miss it and just don’t discuss it further. Or just say see you there to stop the stress and then bail 😂😂

1. Babies that young don't have an immune system and being around all those people is incredibly dangerous. 2. Driving that far with a newborn is incredibly dangerous and a safety risk as well. 3. You will be recovering from giving birth. It will be difficult for you to sit, ESPECIALLY in a car for hours. 4. You will probably have difficulty using the bathroom and it will be much more comfortable for you to be at home. 5. You are a first time mom, you need to get used to your baby and bond. 6. Your hormones are still incredibly high and it will be easy for you to become overstimulated and overwhelmed. 7. If you choose to breastfeed, it will be difficult running away with the baby with all those ppl around. At home you can just whip out the titty. 8. Most Importantly, You don't want to go. So nobody should try to force you.

That sounds miserable. I personally wouldn’t need reasons or excuses other than I don’t want to do that. That is a very vulnerable time for you and baby. Who ever doesn’t understand can suck it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Besides. You’re not supposed to have a baby so young in the car seat for that long. Unless you’re planning on stopping 2-3 times an hour. But seriously, you don’t need an excuse. Stand up for yourself.

Omg this happened to me please do not go 😣😣😣💔💔 u will regret it and resent him forever … ultimately it’s ur fault if u go bc u agree to it but u will resent him bc he is supposed to be ur advocate and look out for ur best interest but men suck and that’s not the case .. So u have to advocate for urself … my BF made me go a few weeks after birth n it was to please his family while I was the last person he thought about. I was so tired and baby is so young I hated having so many people around it 😔💔 My whole pregnancy n postpartum was decided by others I was so vulnerable. My partner was supposed to be my “protector” but he ended up being the opposite he put me through so many uncomfortable situations I barely enjoyed my postpartum

Newborns should only be in a car seat for a max of 30 minutes before a break as it’s a risk to there airway and you don’t want your little one outside on firework night as the cold would go to their chest maybe? You don’t want your newborn to be around so many people in one go he could risk picking something up? Or just tell him you want the bonding time and you don’t think you yourself will be fit to travel!

You need to just say no. If the family want to see the baby, they can drive to visit you. It's ridiculous to even suggest that you undertake that. You don't need a reason and your partner should be supporting you in whatever you think is best at that point. You are the one who has gone through a major medical procedure so you hold the cards at that point.

Everyone’s gonna do what they want BUT my babies pediatrician said no guest for a month to reduce exposure to different germs. I really just wanted to be left the fuck alone so he was like tell them I said no guests if anyone give you grief. I also had an emergency c section so I was in horrific pain so no way would I be out entertaining people or passing my baby around.

Stop looking for excuses or that cycle will never end. Say no and leave it at that. However, I have to ask - Is your partner abusive to you? Is there a reason you aren’t able to speak up for yourself?

You have your reasons there. In your post. but also you have no idea how the birth is going to go and what your recovery will be. I had a beautiful and easy birth with no complications but I got haemorrhoids from pushing and NO WAY would I be sitting on them for hours. But my partner went along with my pace because YOU are the priority, nothing or no one else.

anytime before your 6 week check up is way to early to travel!! 1. babies immune system is soo weak/non existent 2. you will still be recovering and need to rest as much as possible 3. you’ll want to be in your own bed 4. people should be catering to you during this time (not the other way around) 5. you’ll have multiple doctors appointments early on for you and baby that you’ll need to be in town for 6. honestly, the list could go on and on!

You really need to be selfish and do what’s right for you this is something I regretted with my first as much as I didn’t want to do things and tried saying no I always felt guilty and gave in and I’ll be honest it messed with my mental health I didn’t give myself the respite I needed and pleased everyone else. I’m doing it completely different with my second. So please please please be strong and put your foot down to do what you feel comfortable with plus that’s a lot of travelling for a newborn you’d have to stop a few times.

1. You’re going to be exhausted adjusting to baby 2. Your body is still recovering and you need rest- especially if you end up with an emergency c section! 3. It’s overwhelming having a newborn let alone having to introduce them to lots of people 4. Baby shouldn’t be in a car seat for longer than half an hour at a time 5. If you’re not ready then it’s a simple no, fact is your partner hasn’t gone through everything you’ve just been through giving birth etc and even if they are the most supportive partner in the world you’re going to find it stressful adjusting to your new life and the first couple of weeks are your bonding time. 6. Baby hasn’t got a good immune system yet and you’d be risking them catching all sorts by mingling with lots of people - especially around the winter (peak cold & flu time). It’s not worth risking your child’s health - coming from someone who spent a week in hospital with their newborn who contracted a virus from people, it was a very scary time!

You’ll need to recover, look after yourself

To add to this, you’ll have midwife appointments which require you to be at home!

You have NO idea what your recovery is going to be like. You could say your doctor and midwives have advised you stay at home for the first 4-6 weeks minimum? If your partner is social, you could compromise and have visitors at your house. No way should YOU be made to travel postpartum, it should be the other way around. From someone whose postpartum recovery was literally hell on earth for the first 2 weeks, Id also use the experience of other women as justification why you think its a bad idea. I physically wouldn’t have been able to make that journey. I literally wanted to be induced into a coma because of how much pain I was in so respectfully f* everyone else and what they want. What you want and need is no.1 as mother and as someone recovering from birth. Really hope youre not forced to do something you don’t want to do xxx

You have to learn that just saying “no” is enough. I am a people pleaser and I have suffered the consequences postpartum with the severe physical and mental pain as a result. Im now learning to say no, to save my sanity. You have to be firmer for yours and your babys sake x

I’ve got a large family and the visitors felt relentless those first few weeks . I am glad family got to meet baby when he was a newborn but at the same time it tired me out massively . I think if they really want to come and see baby , ask them to come to you . :)

Not that you should need an excuse, but another thing I haven’t seen mentioned is you’ll likely still be bleeding too. Also it’ll be an 8h drive minimum factoring in stopping and getting out every 30 minutes Remember postpartum isn’t just about baby (who hasn’t had a single vaccination yet!) but mum needs to heal too. If your partner & his family can’t respect that then they don’t give a shit about you honestly.

Stand your ground and say you’re not going! Babies have very low immune systems and should t be passed around like a parcel catching everyone’s winter germs at such a tiny age! And physically you don’t know what’s gonna happen in labour or how you’ll recover from it! I’m due December with my first n my partner has 2 kids (13 and nearly 12) and it drives me MAD when he says how he did things first time round coz they were choices he made with his ex,a long time ago,and might not be recommended now or what I want to do!

Point blank “no I am not staying away I am staying home with my baby” Honestly you won’t want to go so stand firm now to save all the hassle when baby is here x

Afterpains, dealing with heavy bleeding and passing clots. You will still be in a vulnerable state. You need lots of rest! How inconsiderate of his family to want you to come over 2 weeks after giving birth. Please say NO

My brother wanted to come to my house 2 hrs away. This was when the baby was 2 weeks old. They got 15 minutes into it and turned back because the baby wouldn’t stop crying. I told him that it would happen. I wouldn’t even travel that long with my 16 month old..

Just gave birth and they want you to have some sort of weekend get-away? Are these people insane? I would simply ask them if they’re crazy. That is just a wild request/invitation to a freshly PP mom. Some people have absolutely no common sense. SMH

We told everyone pretty early on in pregnancy that when baby arrived we didn’t want any visitors for 2 weeks. After that it was just immediate family for a few weeks and then gradually friends. We wanted the time to bond as a family and also they are very vulnerable and susceptible to catching bugs!

It reminds me of that viral video of the boyfriend who was asking his girlfriend to make a roast for his family 3 days after giving birth 😂 … seriously though this is a bit of a red flag if you can’t express your wishes. Your not living in the shadow of your partners ex girlfriend. Trust your instincts. If they have a problem with it, it’s a them problem not a you problem xx

"I don't want to" is a legitimate reason all on its own. Your partner shouldn't need more than that. "Thank you for the invitation. We're going to take some time to bond with our baby and find our rhythm as a family" is a polite answer to give to your MIL. It seems to me you already have plenty of reasons why you feel the way you do. Be confident in advocating for yourself, knowing your reasons are legitimate.

I don't want to right now is honest and understandable. No plans to be made for after birth is what I told people, I wanted to see how I felt.

Firstly the baby isn't allowed to be in their car seat for more than 20 minutes at that age. Secondly you will be exhausted, needing your own space to figure out yours and babies new routine. Being in someone else house won't be easy and baby will like be awake a lot in the night and disturb everyone else. You needs at least 6 weeks to recover from birth and you yourself sitting in a car for 3 hours won't be pleasant. Just a straight up no should do it. They could always come visit. 3 hours there and back in a day isn't horrific so they can come visit for the day and see you all and go home again if they want to see the baby that bad.

After I gave birth ( my first) I honoured the ‘first 40 days’. This is a time for rest, recovery, bonding with your baby, skin to skin, establishing milk supply, recovering from birth. One good reason? Honouring postpartum makes you less likely to develop post partum depression 🫶

I mean the travelling to start it may be a 3 hour journey but with the car seat regulations that’ll soon at least double. Absolutely not worth it if he wants to socialise then get them to come to you your the one who just gave birth. Plus you don’t even know how your birth will be my first recovery was long and my second I was fine. I would just say you’re making no plans at all for something you can commit to. What if you have a section? People get so wrapped up in meeting babies they forget about what the woman has just gone through xx

You also do not know how the birth is going to go and you may not be in any way shape or form ok to travel, let alone the pure fact that you do not have to do anything you do not want to do, and why is it that you have to travel ??? Why cant they travel to visit (if you wanted them too) Absolutely be selfish !!

A baby shouldn’t be in a car seat for long than 30 minutes until they are at least 8 weeks old. This increases to about 2 years by the time they are one. But that should be total time in a day … Also, you’re going to be recover. Baby shouldn’t be exposed to that many germs that soon (or ever). They should be in a safe Moses basket or next to be crib. I just can’t even fathom this scenario. It’s actually mental.

Don’t suggest they come to you!! That’s even worse!! Who wants to host - I stayed in my PJs for the first week! We refused visitors until week 2 - we just wanted to be a 3 :) Just literally put a message on your family whats app group saying what unfortunate timing and sorry we will miss it. End of. It shouldn’t even be up for debate. You don’t need the stress and the pressure you need to concentrate on getting this baby into the world safely. Your husband clearly doesn’t get it so spell it out. But you don’t need to explain yourself to the wider family. These women have had children of their own - they seem to have forgotten 😂😂😂