Little digs

We’ve just got back off a family holiday, I love my husband but my god I’d have happily gone on my own with our little boy. Week started off okay but we only had 1 phone charger between us working (yes we could have bought another one but we’ve got about 5 at home so didn’t see the point and happy to share as long as both phones were charged) phone charger was hubbys side and one night I got into bed and put my phone next to me on the bedside table, hubby was like oh I see don’t want your phone charging or just don’t want me touching it, I said I’ve never had an issue with you touching my phone and passed it to him. We both know each other passcodes so this annoyed me a little and most the holiday both phones were in the beach bag on the back of the pram! anyway…. Family hotel and my husband knows I’ve always liked a man with tattoos on their arms (several men around the pool with tattoos- my hubby doesn’t have any) so he made a few remarks ‘oh I bet you find him attractive’ I’m very much a people watcher and I probably looked at more woman in oar of their lovely bodies than I took any notice of men and 95% of the time my eyes were on my little boy. Again annoyed me but I just replied with ‘no more than your looking at women’s boobs’ We had some professional photos took one evening - typical the one night I make little to no effort. The photographer said to go back that night and they’d take some more. So we go back to the room, shower etc and I get ready, hubby then gets out the shower and says ‘oh look at you getting all dressed up to have photos taken’ At this point I lost it and I’m not sure why it did but it upset me so much, at no point during the holiday did he say I look nice or anything, and I wouldn’t mind but I make an effort pretty much every night, just the one night I didn’t I was extremely tired and not feeling well. We ended up having a massive argument because he couldn’t see why it bothered me so much, I told him it made me feel stupid and came across a little belittling to me. He said he didn’t mean it like that and I shouldn’t be so sensitive. So maybe I did over react but my issue is he didn’t say sorry for making me feel a certain way because he couldn’t see what he said was wrong. We’ve been together 13 years and I’m not bothered about him not saying anything on how I look but he always seems to have a little dig when I do make an effort rather than just saying ‘oh you look lovely’ Reflecting on the holiday and comments he’s made I’m not sure if my husband is actually a little bit of a narcissist? We had sex pretty much every day and all he kept saying was if it wasn’t for him we wouldn’t have sex because I never make the first move. I made the first move twice, other than that I was tired, I had our little boy majority of the time because my husband sept a day In bed and 2 days not feeling well and anyone who’s been on holiday with a toddler knows it’s not always relaxing and as a couple the quality time with one another isn’t always possible! Feel completely deflated on what should have been a lovely family week away 😔

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Is he willing to go to therapy?

Ew...yea he was attacking you and then accused you of being sensitive when you reacted? He knew exactly what he was doing. You didn't overreact. He was being an annoying little passive aggressive kid with all the digs.

No I don’t tbink he will, we’ve had issues in the past and he wouldn’t go then

The things I see wrong here: Him saying it’s not enough sex even though you did it everyday. Him not complimenting you. Everything else seems like general bickering. It’s hard but he would probably appreciate you initiating sex more and that’s his passive aggressive way of telling you. I’m return you should ask for more compliments. He wants something, you want something so it should be easy to talk about it. Sounds like you need to fulfil each other love language. There’s no major red flags here for me 💕

So ultimately if he won't go to therapy and your conversations aren't being beneficial to both sides, do you want to stay? What would help the partnership be beneficial to both?

@Heather yes I want to stay, I love him very much and can’t see myself with anyone else, I just don’t know how to communicate with him so he understands my feelings, I end up shouting at him and then he ends up walking away which I then get upset but then I start thinking it’s all me that’s the problem. Therapy would help us massively he’s very much against it because he comes from a split family and his parents tried therapy and that’s when they decided the best thing was to separate, his childhood was very toxic between his parents after that for many years, although his mum and dad are now extremely good friends this has effected him later on in life, he’s also ADHD and I just lack in knowing how to communicate, you’d think after all these years together I’d know but we just always end up making the situation worse. 🤷‍♀️

How do you normally communicate with him? Do you use i statements? My husband is adhd and I'm audhd so 2 flavors of neurospiciness. I've had to work out over our 13 years together how to communicate.

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