Husband not helping

I’m a first time mum whose struggling with breastfeeding and I’ve expressed my feelings to my husband and asked for his support. He’s had 5 weeks off work and has returned to work but has since slept every night downstairs so he can get a good sleep. That leaves me alone all night with the baby aswell as well as all day whilst he’s at work. When my husband does come home, he then spends time in another room away from us playing on his PlayStation and just pops his head round the door every so often to see if we are okay. It’s starting to bother me because I feel like I’m doing everything alone….granted I’m breastfeeding so he can’t help with that but is it too much to ask him to just sleep in the same room as us for support and not to feel so lonely at night? Am I over reacting, is this normal and what everyone else does?

Show your support

I know a lot of moms with first kids have had their partners get up and change baby and get baby back to sleep after they nurse so there’s bonding for both parents and a break for mom

My husband helped me a lot but when it was time for him to work, I did ask him to sleep in guest room so he got sufficient sleep for work. But when he got home, he’d make dinner, clean, and grab the baby so I could get some sleep before the night began for us.

A little help goes a long way those first few months, definitely ask him for help and tell him what you need.

i’d let him know that you want to have a sit down with him, you should once more set out your expectations/what would be helpful, and remind him that before he is an employee, he is a father and partner. just because he’s working doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be supporting you in any way he can, some men need clear directions of what it is expected and that’s okay, parenthood is a learning curve for us all. if after this conversations he doesn’t show any consistent effort, then you should think about the next steps in your relationship, because lack of effort will show how much he cares about your wellbeing, relationship and child. sending love 🫶🏼

I'd at least ask for support when he gets home. Even if it's so you can get an hours lie down or sleep because you need yours too because you're caring for a child. I'd expect a little handover time. Like right, you're in, here you go your turn for a little bit. It's really important that you get time too. I'd remind him that he gets his playstation time after work to decompress, what do you get? Also going to work is actually a break for a lot of people. They get no screaming babies and adult conversation! Also, everyone would love to sit on their games or watch Tele all evening but sorry buddy. You're a father now. It's a full time job.

He definitely needs to be helping more. For the first few weeks he stay up later than me to put baby back to sleep and only wake me to nurse baby. I would nurse and swaddle him and he would do diaper duty. Before he went back to work he was making me breakfast in bed everyday, washing my pump parts, letting me nap,ect. I still breastfeed and he’s at work full time now. He still helps out with baby, cooking ,cleaning, whatever it may be. We are a team and are both parents. The burden (not the baby just lack of sleep ect.) shouldn’t fall on just one of you.

I did everything and still do 95-98% of everything. My husband took over bedtime routine 3 months ago to help with the weaning process of breastfeeding

You are not overreacting. This child is both of yours and you should be a team.

I think him sleeping in a separate room could be a necessity and a privilege for him, especially for a job that is very taxing or technically difficult. I do think that he can be doing some time in the morning before work, taking over evenings except when baby needs you, and trying to do bedtime if baby will accept. If he is unable to do these things because baby heavily prefers mom, then he should be cooking

He could take baby for an hour or two when he gets home, while you get on with some me-time. Or …. It could be his job to get up a couple of hours early with the baby (if they wake) and let you get a bit of uninterrupted sleep. His work should expect him to be tired. He’s just had a baby!

My husband would have his moments where he’d help out and be the best supporter ever but then a couple of weeks/months go by and then he would go through a phase where he would prioritize his games more than helping until finally I told him “why am I gonna stay in a relationship where I feel and act like a single mom, if that’s the case I would rather actually be a single mom at least that way I won’t be so angry and bitter towards him on top of being stressed with a baby” and I guess he finally heard me and has completely changed since then. You need to sit down and have a serious conversation with your husband and tell him that even though he works he still needs to prioritize helping you with the baby when he gets home

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