Family drama

Sorry guys I just need to vent. I haven’t talked to my mom most of my pregnancy. So I haven’t kept her in the loop on what’s going on with me or my pregnancy. Same for her side of the family. I stopped talking to all of them since I found out I was pregnant and were talking behind my back. Fast forward to now my older sister and her are on okay terms they are always on and off. I usually don’t let their relationship affect my sister’s and I relationship. However yesterday my sister had a birthday party for her son which I didn’t attend because I have had an emotional last 2 weeks since I am “overdue” and going to be induced on Tuesday. I had been ignoring everyone blowing up my phone asking to see the baby or if I was in labor. Until I finally responded to everyone texting me and told them the situation. Anyways I got a text from my mom this morning saying she is thinking of staying with my sister since she wants to be there when I give birth. Mind you I have repeatedly told everyone who keeps asking to be in there when I give birth that my fiancé is the only one who will be in the room with me. I always get upset comments about that but I don’t really care it’s my birth not theirs it’s just annoying to hear. My question is how did she know I haven’t given birth and was going to give birth soon. Unless someone told her. I have repeatedly told my sister to not talk about me to our mom or her side of the family and this is the second time I feel like she has betrayed my trust. I straight up asked her. If she told our mom that I was getting induced. She said no that our youngest brother told her. So I texted my younger brother and asked if he told her and he says he doesn’t think so but he could be wrong. Idk who’s lying to me but someone is. Idk if my sister is just blaming him to cover herself or if my brother told our mom but how could he just forget? Is he protecting our older sister? I’m honestly so annoyed and angry with them for sharing my business when I have told them not to. I seriously don’t want to talk to either of them anymore since they always go behind my back and don’t respect my boundaries. Am I being to harsh?

Show your support

Not harsh, they are consistently overstepping the boundaries. Your baby, your birth, your decision.

I come from a very close knit family and I’d say my husband and I would have been more than happy to have my mum in the labour room with me. Matter of fact, my elder sister was going to be my 2nd birth partner but baby showed up a week early at dawn so not enough time to get to me. I don’t know what has gone wrong between you and your mum but if she’s wanting to be in the room with you even though you haven’t kept her in the loop, I’d place my money on “She cares about you”. Perhaps you might want to revisit the underlying cause of friction and just allow yourself to be cared for cause trust me, you’re going to need & appreciate it when baby shows.

Ah, i have a different perspective @Theresa - my mother is highly narcissistic and undiagnosed neurodivergent. I do not want her anywhere near my baby as she's constantly disrespecting my boundaries. At least during the birth. We all need to do what's best for ourselves and our babies first. I will say that for my mother, becoming a grandmother could potentially change her perception and finally give me (and baby) what she hasn't for the majority of my life.. But I honestly doubt it. I sometimes envy the relationship other women have with their mothers, but given she chose herself, moved countries, and dumped me with my dad when I became inconvenient to her lifestyle when I was only 14... She basically dug her own hole and doesn't see it

For me the 'wanting to be in the room with you during birth' sounds like she wants it for her, because it would look good on her to her friends and other family, so that your relationship with her looks good from the outside. (that's it for me at least).

@Dominique oh bless hun. I totally understand how you feel. I wouldn’t want such energy near myself and my baby either

@Dominique my mother is the same! She neglected my siblings and I when growing up. We were all abused by her various partners. And she has always chosen men over her kids. My older siblings and I moved away from her since we were 15/16. I’ve tried to help her financially but she would just spend all the money I’d sent her on alcohol or nicotine. And then complain she didn’t have money. She has never been an involved parent. And will only act like she cares for social media. My fiancés mother has been more of a mom to me and even she is so understanding about my boundaries and feelings towards my mother and her side of the family.

@Theresa thank you 💖 it's not been easy, especially since she's trying really hard to re-insert herself in my life during my pregnancy, and I am constantly being put to the test with my boundary setting lol.

@Theresa I’m glad you have such great support from your family it must be nice! However not everyone is lucky enough to have a stable family. My fiancé and my baby are my family now and we shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable for the sake of others that have not been involved in my life let alone pregnancy just because they feel entitled to. That’s honestly what gives me the ick the fact that everyone in my family feels entitled to be at my labor when they haven’t been supportive in my pregnancy.

At the end of the day, you’ve got to do what’s best for you and your LO. 🫂

OMG I only just saw your reply. Yeah I relate to that massively. My fiancé's mother is much the same as yours, I am actually considering having her over for the first 3 weeks to help out after birth!

Feel free to reach out in dm's if you want to rant in private haha

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