Does anyone understand this behaviour?

My husband yelled at me and then cleaned the house and made me food. Context At breakfast we planned the day, first being when baby naps we will do our family admin of reading a contract and filling some forms needed doing ASAP. Then do personal things when we're free after... So, baby naps, and my husband gets his laptop open whilst I just put a few things way and grabbed some paperwork we needed to fill in. Whilst I thought he was opening the documents, I started filling in another. I asked him if he had the document open yet, and he was actually on social media messaging people and said he is waiting for me. He always does this, never does anything unless I'm already doing it.. such as admin, cleaning, food, nothing. It's always "waiting for you". I said I'm already doing this document, which involved me asking him some questions about work. So I was asking them and he got angry saying he is messaging someone... when originally he was setting up to do family stuff. I said I was doing family things and I need his input, can he please help, we said we were doing family things at the first nap. So, I asked him a question again and he flipped out. Slammed his laptop, yelled at me, chucked his laptop to the side, left the room fuming. He thinks he is fully correct in his behaviour and the whole thing was my fault. I get it, I was filling in a document for the family and I distracted him, but what he was doing was less urgent and didn't have a deadline and could had been done after we did our family admin. We couldn't do it with baby as she rips paper out of our hands and climbs all over us. And the majority of admin is always put on me, but just this once I need his details, too. Now I'm already depressed and in therapy, so him flipping out on me takes a bit of a toll... thus I cried. I did my half of the admin and the tasks we set out. During this time, he did something he never does. Which is clean. Now, this completely confused me because not only did he clean, he was super kind to me, said to baby (when she woke) to kiss her pretty mummy, and made me lunch even when I said I'm not hungry. I feel bad, because my sadness made it so I didn't want to eat and I couldn't force myself... I've lost my appetite. But, he ignored that I wasn't hungry and made me food which I put in the fridge after trying and feel deeply guilty about, but I couldn't eat it. He also was super kind to baby and did the washing and hung it up... which he never does. I'm so confused as he was so furious with me, but now flipped. I'm mute. The house has been cleaned though.. I don't understand it, is this a man's silent way to say sorry? What is happening?

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You did nothing wrong. He is man enough to go off and to yell, then he should be one to apologize as well.

Yeah, I would much rather a sorry and something that shows he was unreasonable... I'd love the cleaning to be daily as it seems he can do it and quite well and quickly, but he also went to the shop and brought me chocolates and cookies and ordered me my favourite food tonight. But, no sorry... he is now doing the admin as (as normally happens on days we need to get things done) baby didn't have second nap so he is forced to do it whilst she is noisy and climbing on us. This is why we agreed first nap. So he can't concentrate reading the contract .. I'm so confused with his behaviour, like it threw me through an emotional rollercoaster of wtf just happened

Just offering a different perspective here. Maybe what you were asking him could’ve still been answered after he sent his message. I don’t think either of you were wrong in your feelings, even though yelling shouldn’t happen (that’s a him issue). Next time I’d say ok how long do you need? I just want to make sure we can finish this by the end of nap time.

Sounds like knows he overreacted and this is his way of apologizing without having to say it out loud. Let the emotions settle and bring it up later. Tell him his behavior was confusing to you and that you want to understand it as well as discussing why he had his outburst in the first place

Yes, I definitely see the other perspective. We always have to wait on him to be ready and usually he will just continue and avoid doing the important thing we need. He shouldn't had gone on social media, as he knows he will get significantly distracted. He opened the laptop to start our admin... I wasnt interrupting something he was already doing. Usually, when he is "waiting for me" it's because he wants me to do it all whilst he just relaxes. I was doing all the paperwork already (including his part), and we also had online documents to do, separately. He ended up working until late as he kept having to ask me questions. Nap time isn't long any more, so I really wanted to just get it done. By the time I did my part, the baby was already waking up. Yes! Thank you everyone.

Idk what other traits he has, but he might have undiagnosed adult adhd.

This is something in the process, we have already waited 2 years for an appointment and his next stage is the end of the month. I also had been waiting 2 weeks to get this paper work done, and we already had been sent a reminder. It was a do it now or be homeless situation. But, I needed him to take action, too.... His actions have unfortunately lost us a significant amount of money, him losing jobs, him delayed in things like insurances because he took two years to sign up for something... I usually have to force him or wait for an emergency for him to do something... the ADHD appointment took two years before he went to it, too... and it was only after he lost thousands on a course he paid for but never did. He is also extremely worried about this appointment, so he has therapy too, as he hopes it is ADHD as he knows his procrastination and hatred for anything admin etc has caused a lot of pain in his life. He is afraid he won't be diagnosed with it and that it is a him problem...

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