AITA or hormonal?

My partner works away some weeks, some days he’s not home until late and our LO is asleep. I have to try and juggle everything which sometimes means I can’t stop what I’m doing to cuddle my child when he is being a little clingy. But my partner gives in all of the time which makes it harder for me. We’re expecting baby number 2 and I’ve said it’s going to get harder for me and so I need him to stand a little firmer and not give in all the time when he wants daddy, but he’s busy, but mummy is right here. Today for example, my partner was sorting out his tools, I was in the kitchen/dining room, LO had snacks, his drink, toys on the floor, his shows on, while I washed the pots. He wanted a daddy cuddle and I explained daddy was busy right now but he can have a mummy cuddle. He didn’t want a mummy cuddle and began crying for his dad. I tried to reason with him but he was adamant he wanted a daddy cuddle. Baring in mind, he was absolutely fine, his dad was busy, but his dad stopped what he was doing to come in, pick him up, give him a cuddle, then went back to doing his tools. 5/10 minutes later, LO started again. Am I wrong for wanting my partner to be a little firmer? I get he works away, he perhaps doesn’t see our LO as often as he would like, but he doesn’t understand that we can’t always stop what we’re doing to give in to our child? When the baby arrives and I’m home alone, I can’t not tend to the baby etc and tend to a toddler at the same time and I feel like he needs to support me now, to support us all in 6 months time. Am I being a dick? Am I hormonal? Am I right?

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I guess I don't understand. how old is your toddler? are you thinking that by not allowing your partner to cuddle him, your toddler will be less reliant on you once new baby is here? do you think maybe that is affecting your partner who you already said doesn't see your child as often as they'd like, or affecting your toddler who doesn't understand your reasoning?

I think even though your child was fine, the cuddle was okay. A huge change is about to happen in your house and your first is no longer the baby. This could be causing the behavior. It will be a huge adjustment for them so get in those cuddles now because you're absolutely right, when the baby comes, you won't be able to do it as much anymore. I don't think you're being a dick. I think you're just stressed out with realizing how hard it's going to be juggling 2 babies.

I reread it and it seems like you don't want the toddler to go to dad, but to go to you instead. this seems a little backwards? edit: okay I think I get it now. you want your toddler to be able to distinguish between a parent who is busy, and a parent who is available, so when dad is busy, you're trying to get him to go to you instead. unfortunately toddler brains don't work like that and you could just be teaching him not to come to you when he had needs to be met.

I don't see an issue with him stopping what he's doing when around to cuddle your toddler. It sounds like they have missed him and want to reconnect with them.

Your mad that your partner is giving his child love and affection? Or your mad that your child doesn’t want it from you? I’m confused.

I think it’s fine to stop what I’m doing to give my toddler a hug.

I get where you're coming from. However, You have plenty of time to figure this out (6 months). I cuddle my son to sleep every night and he was sleep trained at one point but that went out the window when he became a toddler. Even though it's sometimes annoying, You'll never get those cuddles again. Your kiddo probably missed him and doesn't know how to express it. You will find your flow once the second comes but right now enjoy your first baby because he won't appear little anymore.

Maybe I haven’t worded this correctly. It’s not me being mad, in any sense of the word, it’s not about he wanted specifically a daddy cuddle, it’s me trying to teach our son to be patient as we can’t always get what we want, immediately. Maybe I am setting an unrealistic goal because he’s only 22 months old and cannot grasp the concept yet. If he was hurt, actually upset and not just whinging, we would both stop what we were doing to tend to his needs. Which obviously wouldn’t be an issue.

I think you'll be surprised by him when the new baby comes. I'd say let dad give him as much attention as possible since he already doesn't seem to get enough of it. I think you're correct that it may be an unrealistic goal. what we may consider whinging, he considers a need. 🩷

I think you are hormonal in this case. I don't think there's anything wrong with daddy cuddling him. Why should you deny the child a cuddle if in that moment the child wants daddy and you are not daddy? You can explain to them time and time again the concept of "being busy" but they will learn it in time. You refusing the need will just increase his need and make it worse. He's looking for a cuddle, some reassurance that the dad is there, as you say he's not there often. To deny that the little time he's actually there seems cruel to he. Soz

It's not wrong for your toddler to ask and it's not wrong for your husband to decide he can stop what he's doing for a cuddle. It's also ok for you to decide you can't stop for a cuddle because you are there all the time and face more of these requests (the dishes would never get done!) Your son will be able to adjust appropriately. It feels a little unfair in the moment (there's a part of you that would love to stop for every cuddle) but don't try to override your husband's ability to decide for himself. If you want help with the chores so you can have more cuddles too, ask for that.

I think what your missing is that your partner is doing that but you and your toddler are missing it. When dad is at work tot might want dad (even though they can't or don't express it) so really dad is busy a lot and unable to take care of needs so when they are around other things are less important. And in your example you are actually both doing something you would need to stop in order to offer your child connection. So why is it OK for you to stop what you're doing but not your partner? Also you mentioned that your kid then asked again. Here is where I might play into the learning part and have dad say ok I'm going to go finish x and then when I come back I'll give you more snuggles. Something you can do as well. When baby comes a helpful trick is to help your toddler and ask baby to wait as often as you can since tou will have to do that to the toddler a lot. Even if baby is fine voicing helping toddler first helps the not feel in competition.

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