Argued with my Mum

I had a big argument with my mum yesterday and it’s really upset me. Am I in the wrong? Our hairdresser was at her house, I am VERY sleep deprived as my baby doesn’t sleep. I turn up and they are discussing the current renovation works I am having on my house. My hairdresser says she doesn’t like the colour I’ve picked, my Mum then says ‘yes, it’s soo strong!’ Even though she has never mentioned that to me before? I then BF my baby, she picks him up and he starts fussing. She says to me ‘is he hungry’ to which I say ‘no’ and she goes ‘oh alright’ and rolls her eyes. Later, I go to give my baby their solid meal. I am having work done on a lot of rooms in my house so cooking for my baby has become trickier. She asks what he is having and I say ‘mash potato and cauliflower’ to which she says ‘AGAIN? Gosh, what is Mummy like’ She then starts saying ‘we don’t like mash potato do we, errr’ and I say ‘don’t say that to him, she goes ‘oh he won’t understand it’ Then, I’m eating my lunch and my baby starts fussing. She picks him up and goes ‘sorry darling, Mummy’s feeding her face’ Then when discussing that my baby doesn’t sleep, my hairdresser said if I gave him baby rice before bed he would sleep. She then says ‘well they’re told they can’t give food until they’re 6 months but I would have done it earlier.’ And then ‘he needs to eat more’ Annoyingly, she’s done all of this before. I had a calm talk with her the last time she did all these things. Explained I know it doesn’t come out of malice, sometimes she gets carried away, and I know she’s not thinking about what she’s saying. She apologised and we moved on quite well. I couldn’t help myself this time, I shouted at her and cried then basically stormed out. I’ve already TOLD YOU this upset me. Why do it again? What’s the point in a healthy communication when you don’t listen. I don’t really ever argue with her so it’s a dynamic that we haven’t been through before. I have seen her since but we didn’t really talk or spend much time together. I don’t know what to do now, do I offer an olive branch or wait until she does?

Show your support

I don’t think she means harm by what she’s saying, it’s an odd way of her bonding with your baby but I think you did the right thing as I don’t agree with the “gang up on mom” mentality. It’s passive aggressive, and as your child gets older they would continue and they would most likely copy her 😅 It’s so common that the older generation will thrust out their opinion and their way. Ever since I had my baby I’ve been told multiple things of what to do and how they did it. Which they experienced themselves 😂 at the end of the day this is your baby and your experience what you say goes. But it would make you feel more at ease to build branches with your mom just for your own sanity and relationship. I do agree with you especially if it’s triggering you as at the end of the day your the mum and that should be respected more :)

Yeah that would really irritate me

Maybe rather than the ‘it upsets me when you do xx’ approach it would help to tell / ask her for her support clearly. E.g., I’m having a really tough time with sleep deprivation etc at the moment and feeling like I can’t always do as much as I would like to for little one, I really need some reassurance and encouragement for the next few weeks to help me feel like I’m still on track Most people welcome being asked for help like this because it says that you trust them and value their opinion, and it’s flattering! It might help your mum step up and be her best supportive self for you right now ❤️ it also avoids putting you in a position where you feel like you’re blaming her, which is a foreign dynamic for you like you mentioned so understandably difficult to navigate She probably thinks of you as very strong and capable and doesn’t realise you don’t have the emotional bandwidth for teasing and banter right now… And I don’t think you’re in the wrong, you’re just TIRED!

I hope the sleep situation improves soon!! With you in solidarity 🌷🌷

No, you aren't wrong. I would be so irritated by it all too. Personally, I think you've done well not to fall out with your mum before as me and my mum always fall out. Normally because I tell her she's done something that upsets me and she turns it around that I've upset her by telling her she's hurt my feelings and then I'm the bitch.... 🫠 Only you know your mum well enough to decide on the type of communication that'll work with her. I know I can't 'have a sit down and explain my feelings' talk with my mother as it's all got to be about her Hope it all works out for you but you aren't wrong xx

You’re not wrong. All of that would irritate me so much and it’s just not helpful. I wouldn’t offer an olive branch if it was me, tbh I’d have told her to piss off 😂 she should be thinking about what she’s saying, it’s really not fair to criticise someone who is doing their best in a difficult situation. What you need is support, not someone criticising you. I’m not sure what you should do but I just don’t think her behaviour is right at all.

Yeah my mum does this at times, I just tell her why she's wrong in that instance. Like if she says my baby is hungry I say "no, she just fed x time ago". The fight over my baby "wanting a dummy" when she would scream and gag anytime I tried to offer her one was crazy and I'm very glad that's over now. My mum thinks that just because she did things one way with me and my sister, that it will work with my baby... but it doesn't and I do give it the benefit of the doubt and try it... but nothing

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