Relationship problems!

Im due in November, I’m so excited for baby girl to get here but my boyfriend couldn’t be less interested. He’s not one to talk about his feelings and never has been he never talks about her or asks how I’m feeling or how she is. Hes not interested in her movements and doesn’t want to feel her kick. I personally love when people say they can see that my bumbs growing but he’s never commented on it. I haven’t seen him for 5 weeks and don’t even know if we’re even together at this point. I don’t know if he’s worried as this is our first time being parents and he doesn’t know how to talk about it. He’s very supportive with money and wants her to have the best of everything and always says he’ll be there for her through her life. Has anyone else experienced this sort of thing with a partner?

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I think men can really struggle to connect before a baby is born. They don’t have the bump, they don’t feel baby move inside them etc. it’s a very abstract concept to them until they meet baby. It’s also a huge life change (for you too! And you both as a couple) and perhaps he feels a lot of pressure or he’s nervous about how things may change. Just because he doesn’t speak about things doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel them, men generally aren’t great feelings talkers sadly - have you told him all of this about how you feel, if so how did he react? I thought my partner would be useless in labour and a bit uninterested but he was the best birthing partner I could have asked for and as soon as he locked eyes with our little boy it all changed for him and he couldn’t do enough for him. Communication in this parenting this is key.. why haven’t you seen him in 5 weeks, other commitments or? x

That sounds tough, especially coz you haven’t seen him in 5 weeks. :/ Have you tried taking him to antenatal classes with you? Or maybe appointments, scans? Settings where he could get in to the mindset of things? Maybe even shopping for baby clothes, prams, cots? I found it really helped my husband that we went to antenatal classes together, seeing other first time fathers and having chats with them, they even did group activities in the class which I think was helpful for him. But then again he has to be somewhat open to these things so that it can help with the mindset. Will he be attending the birth? Maybe once she’s here he will step up a bit more, can be hard when you can’t see the baby in the tummy. Try to encourage him as much as possible to talk about his feelings in different ways, if you can, with some positive thoughts maybe connect it to interests of his. Even if he doesn’t reply or engage in the conversation he will still hear it and maybe think about it in his own way.

To me it sounds like at the moment hes preparing to take the provider approach by saying he wants her to have the best and is more money focused. I know its hard because you want him to be there emotionally but a lot of men are opposite to us. We become mothers the second we find out we’re pregnant but they dont until the babys here.

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