“Your life is over”
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@Manon It’s driving me mad. I’m biting my tongue but only so much biting I can do. Yes, my life will change but I don’t need the constant reminders of lack of sleep, no money, no luxuries & etc. I’m already having a difficult time trying to transition my mindset that my life is changing, my body is changing, & said remarks/comments aren’t helpful, at all 🙁.
I feel this so deeply 😭 like, we’re pregnant, our moods are all over the place, we’re going through one of the biggest transitions a human can go through, I’m already swinging between ecstatically excited and cripplingly terrified every 2 seconds. Why are you in my face telling me I’m never going to have money again 🙃🙃🙃 I literally just need a hug 😂
Just say back to them, another life is starting! No harm in replying nicely to them. I’m sure no one says it in a mean way to upset you, it’s just the same old rubbish people say 🤦🏻♀️😂 don’t let other peoples opinions bother you. Life too short. Anyway, life is way more fun and exciting with kids in! ❤️❤️ x
@Ceri I don’t think it’s meant in malice, you’re probably right. But I’m just very touchy / sensitive to said remarks @ the moment. I never ever thought I’d have a child, given the issues I’ve had, let alone 2 en route. So trying to transition & enjoy this period but said comments just feel like a knock back, & a “haha, your life is done”.
Just tell them right back you’re excited for it! ❤️ now I’ve had a baby I feel like that was the start of my life, not the end of it! God knows what rubbish I filled my time with before 😂 exciting things are ahead my love ✨
@Manon Exactly this. One minute I’m excited, the next I’m frantically worrying / panicking, which is then further heightened with remarks / comments that aren’t helpful. Remarks are probably not meant to be hurtful, but nevertheless don’t need the 5 tuppence worth of useless comments that does nothing for my own emotional wellbeing which is on a mad rollercoaster of a journey as it is!
I mean, 100%, your life as you know it is over 😅 but thats not a bad thing. And it doesnt mean you cant enjoy the things you have previously done before having a family. Things just change. Before we had kids, we travelled A LOT, lived in Singapore, went to all sorts of places doing all sorts of amazing things. Then we had our first in November 2019 and everyone said "ahhh no more travelling for you!" Well jokes on them, because NOBODY was travelling because of covid, it wasnt just us 😅 Whizz on nearly 5 years and while we don't do a tenth of what we used to, we still get away, we still do things, it's just different now. And that is perfectly ok.
my life didn’t start till I had my little girl, she’s my whole world!🌸
I had so many comments like this… our girl has been on 24 flights now, she’s travelling with us. Then the comments became “oh we never left the house till they were 4/5”…. Seems like those comments were more about their life than what ours is. Don’t let it get to you. We travel all the time, we have nice things, I get my nails done and get a massage every month. You just adapt, let them be jealous from afar xx
Having children does change your life completely but in the best way possible. I do not understand why people are so negative about it. It’s probably the best thing that’ll ever happen to you, it definitely has been for me and it’s changed me into a completely different person. Before we had kids we travelled loads and went on all the lavish holidays etc and did whatever we wanted basically but it doesn’t mean your life is over when you have them. It just adjusts to a new sort of normal and is just as amazing, if not better 🩷 don’t listen to bitter people x
Sorry people have been so horrid! We've had a few comments around enjoying sleep while we can etc but most people haven't been too bad really! 😞
I’ve snapped a few times at a close friend of mine as she is only ever “just you wait…” and I cannot deal with the constant negativity, it’s never around a positive remark only ever negative and I’ve had to say to her a few times to stop making those comments as they are not helpful. I’ve had the same comment from my mum about holidays and just said, “we get to show them all the places we loved exploring the first time” and that stopped that comment from progressing
Definitely. And I totally agree I’m sure they aren’t intended to hurt or upset, they’re just having a laugh, but I think it’s the lack of sensitivity that really frustrates me. You can be hurtful without meaning to me, and thoughtless comments during a difficult time are, in fact, hurtful. Especially when the journey to having children has been a challenging one, as it has been for me too! 🌈 xx
@Sarah this is one of the most comforting things I’ve read yet!!
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I hate this. I always been very straight forward, direct person . And if someone “attacks “ me with those unwanted comments- for example sleeping (I have quite bad insomnia already before I got pregnant) , my blood is boiling. I answered (probably rudely) , “I appreciate your concerns about my life , but I didn’t ask your opinion so kindly keep it for yourself “ . You should see the faces . And they left me alone. I’m true believer in “if you have nothing nice to say, keep your mouth shut “ and I go by that every day.
@Denisa total goddess. I love this attitude
I’ve had some people say this, mainly those who have children and they’re basing it on their experience. Take it with a pinch of salt. Will your life be different? Yes but it doesn’t have to be negative or mean that you can’t do the things you’ve done before. Let the comments go over your head. ☺️
Aahhh tell them to piss off. Your lavish holidays will not be over. I’m sitting in Dubai right now with a toddler and he has been flying since he was less than 1 Those who say these things allowed their lives to be ‘over’ What I can say is, it is tiring, your life will be different and you yourself will change. But your life isn’t over, it does get turned upside down for a bit but you learn how to balance your new family life x
Yes, we’re a very similar couple from the sounds of it and I’ve had lots of very frustrating comments too. I just smile and say “maybe you’re right”, but the truth is nobody knows how the change will impact them because every couple and every baby is different and so are your priorities! So just nod and wave and brush them off the best you can ❤️
@Denisa Love love love this! I need to be more bold. If I wasn’t pregnant, I probably would have fired something back in particular to a comment I received this morning that triggered me to write this post. But I don’t want to get too upset by it, & it have an impact the babies (as they can feed of / sense negative vibes from others). But yes people really need to think before they speak.
@Amy See, I could understand if said comments were coming from those who’ve had children, but ironically it’s not! Some of it comes from those who don’t have children! So I can only think it’s jealously, and the fact I’ve been blessed with 2 babies for a first pregnancy. I had a good ol’ rant to my partner who too isn’t best pleased with the comments. But he’s said similar, let it go over my head and not let it impact our journey.
@Charlotte Thank you for this. Very reassuring and comforting to know life still goes on. Just that it’ll be a little different with the addition of 2. PS Hope you’re having a wonderful trip ☺️.
@Manon Exactly this. I never thought I’d be able to have children, let alone 2. And to receive that constant dig this morning “your life is over” and etc, just felt like a step too far this morning.
Yeah I would chalk it down to jealousy then ☺️ congratulations on twins! You’ll love it. Are they going to be identical or non-identical (do they share a sac or have separate sacs?)
Your life will continue how you want it to. Me and my husband have previously travelled a significant amount. Our little girl is 2 and she’s been so many places and then it’s the ‘she won’t remember’ comments Do what suits you! This time round we’re taking both kids, a toddler and a baby travelling in Australia for 3 months as we’re sharing a bit of the maternity leave and I’m using some holidays up. Your life travelling and seeing the world is only just beginning, and seeing it again through the eyes of your child (regardless of their age) is the BEST!! Get them passports sent off and do what makes you all happy. Has long haul flights, airports and hotel rooms been hard, yes. But so is looking after a baby at home, you adapt, prepare with the right equipment and work together you will be fine. Good luck lovely
@Amy Yep, that’s what I’m thinking. I’ve actually ignored said person since the remarks. Figured don’t need or want the negative aura in my space. I need peace, not negativity. They’re not identical, one boy, one girl. So very lucky for double pregnancy but one of each too ☺️.
@Kate Thank you. My partner and I would like to take them to the Caribbean to see family before they’re 2. A place in the world that I’ve always seen through my eyes. So to experience it through the eyes of a child, very special in my view. Like you said it’ll be tough (long flights) but I want them to experience some of the world. So will definitely not let negative remarks change how we want to live and bring up our children.
That is adorable!! 🥰 can see why they’d be jealous ☺️ congratulations! Yeah, definitely find new friends!There is a twin pregnancy group on here which might be useful for you. ☺️
It is very strange time when people (not just women and not just with babies etc) compete who has more f*cked up life or who went through harder time . Who slept less , who had harder time, who survived what , who is single mom or dad , who got out of bad life situations. Jesus Christ. It’s crazy. I agree with all the ladies above. It will be the way you make it. We have x2 one year old labs - crazy 😜 😂😂 and we walk 3 times a week around 20 km in one day. We love rural paths, hiking , forests , long trails . Yesterday I came home (I’m 24+ 4 ) and I was exhausted but my soul was very happy. Spoke to my mum and she started (when you have the baby , you won’t have time to go hiking, it will be complicated, it will be too much with two young dogs, you imagine everything easy but trust me , you will be too tired ) I stopped her and said to her “ There is ALWAYS WAY( like baby carrier 😂😂😂😂😂- simple as that ) and I won’t end up depressed eating McDonalds just because someone said”
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She didn’t say anything and the borders were lined. I’m sure she will leave me alone with all this rubbish for future .
@Denisa The jist I’m getting is I think people think they’re trying to be helpful, make light hearted conversation but actually what they say has a massive impact, potentially unknowingly. I do feel though some are jealous, & say things to dig @ you knowing full well yea your life will be changing. However what they fail to consider is your new life is how YOU make it. Not what society gives the illusion/impression how it COULD be, ie chaos. My partner and I like attending festivals, & we were considering going to one next August (w/o) the babies because too loud and highly not appropriate. My mum threw in her 2 Penny’s worth “you’ll have 2 babies to care for”. What she fails to remember they’ll be 6months old, and we already have babysitters on hand! My mum is very old school, and believes the woman should stay at home, & basically do nothing. But made it very clear - whilst in the early days I’ll be staying home to rest and get used to new life, it doesn’t mean I will be glued…
…to the house. I still have a life to live. She didn’t say anything more after that! @Denisa
Yep. It drives me absolutely mad. All those little snide remarks, even like “say good bye to sleep” and just highlighting all the challenges of being a parent and ignoring the wonderful bits. It’s horrible 😭 this is a really scary time, and so much is changing. Having people actively highlighting the challenges is devastating, and creates so much anxiety needlessly.