messy mama

I’m not going to lie, i’m a bit messy. My clean clothes stay in the basket for way too long before getting put away, I rarely make my bed. Most of the time I dress like Adam sandler, my hair is mostly in a bun, however i’m not unclean. Since having my baby (8months) I have struggled with maintaining the house, but I do it, it always gets done. I’m the first one in my family to have a baby, and anytime I do anything, i’m told i’m gross. If my family is over and i’m changing a diaper, they make comments about how I need to put it in the bin before i’m even finished changing her. They make comments about anything out of place, but at the same time tell me that I need to be okay with things being a mess right now. I’m very annoyed right now because I was sitting on my mom’s couch, and my daughter threw up all over me. I had vomit on my hand, so I wiped it on my jacket, which also had vomit on it already, so that I could grab my daughter and go and get us cleaned up. My sister in law saw me do this, and saw that it was my jacket that I wiped my hand on. She has now told my brother that I wiped vomit on the couch, and this whole thing has gone around to everyone, i’m the last to know. I’m very hurt. I talked to my brother about it, and tried to clear it up, but I was told “she saw you do it though, don’t lie”. I’m not sure what to do. I’ve always been my family’s rock, but since having a baby, it’s like they are trying to tear me down. My mom asked if she could take care of my daughter a couple of days through the week while I work when my daughter was 4 months old (I work from home) and pay her to do it. I was happy about that because I could do more, and take care of the house, but it wasn’t necessary. I asked her about it and she started yelling at me. I’m not sure what to do. my partners family live far away, and I’m telling my partner that maybe we should be closer to them instead. We stayed with them a little while ago, and they were so loving and supportive of us. It’s just so confusing.

Show your support

I would not go around them and if they mention it say “I’ve started to feel uncomfortable around everyone, like what I’m doing is not good enough, so I’m choosing to keep my distance.” If you have the option to move closer to your in laws, do it! Your baby should be around people who treat you all with respect and unconditional love.

Don’t let things like that get to you and if you felt more comfortable with your S/O family I would say move closer to them if you feel as though they would more so be your village ,your family will eventually come around and if not that is on them for missing out

To me , I know it’s hard to do anything with baby throughout their first year but I would still advice not to move closer to anyone because they can change like your family too, if you can even move to where it will be just you, your partner and your baby alone that will be good where you can be yourself and do the best you can do. I can relate because I went through this phase too. Get a good daycare for your baby even if it’s few hours that way you can get things done and start working again. My opinion though I hope you make a right decision.

I think you need to have a sit down with all of them and tell them you have been feeling uncomfortable with what they are saying to you. I dont think its fair for anybodu without kids to judge people with kids. That being said i dont think anybody stranger or family is in the right place to say any of the things they said to you. Also paying your mom to hang out with her granddaughter 🤯. You shouldn't have to pay your mom to look after your kid, especially since she offered. I'd be worried that she's doing it for the wrong reasons 😕 I get child care isn't free and everyone should value their time but I think it's wrong for her to suggest you let her watch your baby then pay her for it. I think it would be different if you had asked and she had said yeah but I need some cash for food or what ever your kiddo might wanna do or if she wants to take her out some where and do something.

Hi momma! My heart goes out to you and first of all I want you to know that you are doing amazing and it's not your fault. It's hard to take care of a baby and to do it while you are also working from home sounds close to impossible. You are not alone in having a messy house, I have a baby and a toddler and I probably wouldn't notice if we got burglarized, the house is in such a state😂😅. Your family presents some seriously toxic behaviour and what you need is to set very firm boundaries with them. You need to find compassion for yourself. You have a baby to take care of now and your role as your family's rock is over. When you feel ready, sit them all down and tell them that if they can't help, they should at least stop making things worse with their judgements and unnecessary criticism. You need to be ok with leaving them behind to choose yourself. Absolutely talk to your husband and his parents about moving. Your family of origin might one day apologise, but don't rely on it.

They sound horrible , sorry you’re going through that in top of caring for a child. Go where there’s peace.

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