Financial arguments.

Currently I’ve been getting more and more aggravated with my partner. There’s a list of reasons as to why but I feel like my biggest issue is his spending habits. I’m at SAHM and our son will be 2 at the end of this month. I depend on him for everything and while yes he provides all my needs I can’t help but get mad when he says money is tight right now but at the same time he’s literally wasting money on “get rich quick” schemes. This has always been an argument between us. He’s recently been scammed out of $800 and he doesn’t seem fazed by it all! The last big argument we had about money he agreed that he would talk to me before dropping large amounts of money on these “programs” that don’t have a guaranteed out come. He’s extremely secretive when it comes to his money. I don’t know how much his job pays. I don’t know what his average paycheck looks like. I don’t know how his bank account looks like. Every time I ask him these things his response is “Don’t I take care of you?” “Do I ask what’s in your account?” And I get mad because I literally have nothing to hide! If he asks I would show him in a heartbeat. I don’t work, therefore my account looks pretty sad. I’m sure he feels as if since he’s the one working for it he can do as he pleases with it. He will literally spend large amounts of money on these programs and won’t even commit to it if it takes too long to “pop off”. I just feel like how are we supposed to get married if we can’t even have these financial discussions? I feel like these are red flags and he doesn’t even hear me when I’m trying to explain how I feel to him about them. What do you guys think I should do? I do love him but im tired of having these conversations. We’re not married and we’re basically just “playing house”.

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Yeah that’s not normal. A separate account? Ok but completely withholding financial information is not normal. You can stay and find out or prepare to leave

@Nichelle I feel like it would even be easier if we had a shared account and separate ones for our own personal hobbies. He’ll either give me money randomly or I’ll have to ask for it. I even brung up the fact of me getting a duplicate of his card so I can just have for necessities but he shot the thought down.

I keep finances separate from my husband. No reason for it we just do but he absolutely doesn't keep money from me. I'm stay at home too. I mean if he gives you.money when you ask for it and needs are met I don't see an issue however being secretive about it seems like it is boarding financial abuse. Not really there yet but wouldn't take much to be there. I'd rethink getting married until he's transparent with you.

This doesn’t sound very healthy to me, sorry to say. Him giving you everything you need is kind of the bare minimum in this situation. I’ve seen so many people say in a healthy marriage the money is seen as one pot rather than “yours and mine”. This is how me and my husband operate. I’m the breadwinner but we each know how much is in each others accounts, have access to each others accounts, on payday we pay our bills put money into our savings and the rest goes 50/50 into each of our current accounts. If either of us needs cash we take it from the others wallet and give them a heads up. No secrets. We talk about any big purchases together. It’s easy as pie. I know everyone operates in different ways but before we got married we had a conversation and decided we never wanted either of us to have to ask for money to be put in our accounts. I think you need to have a serious sit down and talk it out and figure out what will work for both of you.

He's being financially controlling. Red flag. Tell him if you guys are serious then you need to be equally knowledgeable about your financial position so you can budget and plan for the future. Tell him if he's not serious then stop wasting your time.

This is where you may find that he has been paying maintenance to another woman who mothers a child you had no idea about. I’m only half joking. Of course. But these things do happen. Chances are, he is hiding something. It’s just you won’t know what unless you have that transparency. Sex clubs, porn subscriptions, only fans, gambling, property, debt, sugar daddy expenses, Literally anything like that You’ll probably find that there is loads of things that you are unhappy with but are ignoring them. He loves the fact he gets to do what he wants with no responsibility or accountability for his actions 😢

Hiding the information about money and being secretive is definitely a red flag. Who knows how much he’s really spending and what he’s spending it on. He could be in huge amounts of death and you’d have no clue.

Yeah this relationship is not one ready for marriage. I struggle with understanding financial details and so my husband handles 80-90% of it. In exchange I do that for the kids, as he struggles with relating to them. But when I ask? He prepares a written and verbal presentation of the details. And helps me get to a thorough understanding of it. You are headed for a cliff, with the current situation and bailing now is wise! You don't have to end the relationship, but jumping out to be independent and then offer him a chance. He needs to understand and be willing to be 150% honest with you about everything. Or he doesn't need to marry you. God loves you and he has more than a stressed and rocky relationship for you. Jesus brings peace and joy to every situation.

I know someone who had this exact situation. Turns out the husband was addicted to prescription painkillers and didn't want all of the chemist charges looked at. This sounds so sussy. Aside from that the power dynamics here just sound so off. Being 'given' or having to 'ask' for money as a grown woman, and the mother of his child, feels kind of demeaning to me like you're a little girl asking for pocket money... If you have a baby together you are a family. If you are a family it should be household money you both have access to and control over.

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