Nursery “concerns”

Maybe if you actually made her tidy up at home, instead of "observing," then maybe she might actually help tidy up at nursery. That sort of thing shouldn't be an option for them to do anyway. They take the toys out, so they have to put them away.

I agree with the comment above. Why isn’t she picking up toys and putting them away? She got them out so why are you picking up her mess, show her how to put things away. My 2 year old puts all her toys away without being asked at home or at nursery.

Bilingualism itself isn’t really a reason for a delay in speech development, that’s a myth. If I were you I would check with speech therapist(ideally bilingual as well) as health visitor isn’t necessarily the best person to know a lot about that.

My daughter goes to Montessori School 2 days a week and a normal. Nursery 1 day a week. The nursery she's been at from 16 months to 2.5years. The montessori school she's been at from 2 years until now at 2.9 years. At Montessori, 3 months in, they told me they think she has adhd. They listed all the things they've noticed and showed me all the symptoms etc. I could then clearly see that it lines up. The school has been running 40 years and they are so trained to spot things immediately and have a lot of special needs kids in the school. They have been amazing advising and guiding us and thanked us for listening as they said alot of parents don't really want to know the truth and ignore the signs. I then took that information to the normal nursery. They said, oh really, we haven't noticed. So I printed a sheet for them with my LOs symptoms, they then started tracking it and said... Oh yes we can see it now, we thought is was normal but it isn't really.

I asked what they can do to help her and they said they don't know they'll have to look into it. Needless to say, I've removed her from that school and she is now 3 days a week at the Montessori School. Personally, I'd say listen to your nursery. They deal with alot of kids all the time. The sooner they start the process of getting and giving the right help for your child, the better. The waiting lists are super long. So she is likely not going to get diagnosed for at least a couple of years but start the process if they are willing to help you and her. It may very well trun out that there is northing wrong, but get on board and get the ball on the roll to find out.

It doesn't mean you are a bad mother at all and I am sure that is not what they said. You give meaning to what is said and you are thinking that is what they are saying but that's not true. They are only there to help. The sooner the better. I am sure you are an amazing mom and want the best for your kiddo, so please, let them help and guide you. That way you can be the best mom for your girl in every way no matter what the outcome. X

The nursery practitioners are trained to spot these kind of things, but that doesn’t mean you’re doing a shit job. I’m sure if you spoke to them again and asked for a bit more context and support, they would help you. Have you tried speaking to your daughter about it? Does she understand enough to explain things that happen at nursery and maybe why she didn’t want to do the group activities? I’m the same, I fly off when anyone says anything about my kids, but my partner has helped me work on that and gather more information first before doing/saying anything. I would recommend you ask for a meeting with her key worker to discuss further xx

@Emilia I am currently studying child language development, it actually can cause a delay in speech production, but not a delay in understanding what others are saying! :)

Sorry to hear hun. You're not a bad mum x. Here to show empathy and compassion, not jump on you about the "tidying up " part or compare and tell you what you "should" do... kindness helps. My son is still 11m so we tidy up but I encourage mess, a little is fine. The world we live in is rule orientated, expects perfection and us to conform. You're right. I'm neurodivergent so I understand where you're coming from. Perhaps she's just a free spirit and you've said she does help sometimes at home and follows instructions. I'd ask how they are instructing her. Are they orders, maybe they could engage her more, make it a game so she enjoys it...and you could start by doing that every night so it's a routine :). If she's not helping then rather than nursery expecting her to tidy, they can accept every kid is different, some need more guidance. They can adapt. She's fab 👌 🌟 I agree with Emilia. I grew up speaking 2 languages and if anything, it prob helped my language development xx

So if your child was to be neurodivergent, that doesn't mean you've failed. 2 of my autistic children behaved in this way in school settings. Still like their individual play and controlling their settings, my nearly 4 year old really struggles tidying his fun away even with help from others. Don't take their observations personally, use them to help your child amd educate yourself by looking into the conditions more yourself. Then you can determine where you go from here if you feel it's something you need to pursue for ypur child x

It sounds like they are wondering if there are other concerns other than language as things like lining up although a normal part of children’s development (it’s called schema) can also be a sign of autism. Has she had her two year check? Is she been referred for speech therapy and has she had her hearing checked? My nephew had speech delay and was brought up in a bilingual household. He’s fine since starting school. They were initial concerns regarding his development. I also have a daughter with severe speech delay and a son with asd. Your not a bad mother and it’s nothing you’ve done x

Sorry long messages. You may want to get her checked out for autism etc. I've got adhd and always done things differently.....or she may just be a free spirit...end of. This world really needs to embrace uniqueness rather than expecting everyone to conform and be the same . Boring. I understand some rules need to be made and apply but mums should never be made to feel bad unless warranted or as though their kids are "naughty " for such small matters when she's clearly doing fine at home. Shame on them! Ps even if she turns out neurodivergent, it doesn't matter...stigmas still exist but some of the best people.I know are neurodivergent ...and as a neurodivergent person I've been the most empathetic and validating ;) Good luck mama, you are doing great xx

I've watched my son line cars up, stack things. It's what they call a schema and there's no point reading into it at this age. I would just ignore it and carry on with stuff.

@Reena Ignoring could lead to regret later... If there's a chance it is Autism or adhd, it's worth investigating imo. The independent play could also point to Autism as it may be a sign of lack of shared interest. I'm neurodivergent and I strongly feel a diagnosis would've helped me and my parents from a young age but my adhd was high functioning (my symptoms were mild and well managed overall). Noone picked up anything apart from a doctor friend when I was 28....I later got diagnosed with adhd at age 31. It was the most validating thing in my life and helped me so much. I feel so many things could have been easier in my life had I known sooner. I might not have needed medication as as an adult I'm unmedicated but cbt therapy, learning accommodations etc all could have helped.

@Krish except you can't reliably diagnose things for a few more years. So make a note of things and carry on and if it's still happening in a few years then go get assessed. But you'll drive yourself crazy if you sit there and obsess over every behaviour.

Hey mama You're doing an amazing job don't forget it ❤️ I would just ask, has she had her 2 year developmental check? I used to work with children and families and it is common for bilingual children to be slightly delayed with their language as they are learning 2 sets of words let's not forget. Just ask nursery to monitor her further and perhaps note down some observations at home and compare with nursery. Sometimes children behave differently in different settings where they understand differences with rules, boundaries and expectations for these settings. Some children enjoy lining things up, sorting and stacking it doesn't necessarily mean they have autism. It's something to be aware of however because if that's what it is then providing support for her as early as possible will help her development. Also 5 weeks is not a very long time and she might still be getting used to the structure and what's expected of her. Wishing you all the best x

If she is your eldest, you don't have another child for reference. Doesn't mean you're shit but they see hundreds of children and they might be better able to spot the differences. If she isn't reaching the milestones they would expect, I would hope that they would raise this with you. My son displays ADHD and autistic traits and nobody flagged this to me. It took me to raise it with his school when he was 6 and then they have only recently started to agree with me. He is 8! The waiting lists are years long. If you have any concerns, action sooner rather than later is best. It might be just the fact that the expectations are different in two different settings but I don't think it's a bad thing for them to raise it x

She may have signs of autism - speak to a professional to get checked (my 12 month old is showing signs early as the professionals have seen and sorting out referrals when he turns 15 months as there's a long waiting list). However, it does not necessarily mean she wouldn't know how to tidy away after herself etc. She might need more encouragement. This can be done in different ways - when I was in nursery I would use a tidy up song where every child tidied away, including children with additional needs or were non verbal. Also saying that my 3 younger siblings are autistic/1 has cerebal palsy too where he could only bum shuffle and not speak a word at 2 but still tidied, definitely encourage more or it can cause issues later on x

@Reena Hi,utism can be Adiagnosed relatively early (please see below) and adhd isn't till later in childhood (age 7 is when is peaks on average). I agree it is unhealthy to obsess but awareness is important- it can also sometimes be helpful and validating to have a poss explanation for your child's behaviour. I'm neurodivergent myself and the diagnosis was validating but it wasnt till I was an age 31...if only I was diagnosed as a child...

@Reena When trying to spot signs of autism, you should observe your child’s development carefully. Check if your child is developing social, interactive, and emotional skills at an appropriate rate. Some children may be naturally slow in developing certain skills, so the slow development of social and communication skills may not directly point to autism. Trust your instincts If you feel that your child is facing challenges in developmental milestones, be persistent. Only parents know their child better than anyone. Don’t waste your time fi your instincts are telling you something, do not wait. Make an appointment with your child’s pediatrician or any other therapist. Early intervention with young children with autism is important to future success. Even though recognizing autism in children less than 2 years old is challenging, it is important to diagnose your child at an early age.

@Reena The early signs of autism: 6 Months old   Limited smiles or very few big smiles  Few joyful or engaging facial expressions  Limited eye contact with parents  Limited motor skills  Ignoring unfamiliar people 9 Months old Limited imitate sounds Limited smiles or other facial expressions Not following any objects Not laughing or smiling Not showing any affection 12 Months old No babbling Few back and forth gestures Not responding to any activities Not responding to own name Not pointing or waving Not showing any interest in playing different indoor and outdoor games Inability to crawl or stand  16 Months old Difficulty in speaking; may not speak at all No active movements such as walking or crawling, or excessive, repetitive movements Limited interest in playing different games 24 Months old Limited movements Does not speak any meaningful words or phrases.

@Krish ok. In this situation the mum had no concerns until a nursery brought up things that sound totally normal or ambiguous. My comment is tailored at this specific situation. Glad you found your diagnosis validating.

@Reena That makes sense. Thanks x