Advice pls

If he really thinks it’s that easy. Give him the baby in the morning and disappear for the day. Go for a coffee with a friend, visit someone, go to the spa, go to the cinema, go for a drive to somewhere nice and sit to enjoy the view. He will soon be eating his words.

My child’s father said the same to me before. I was exhausted and tired and felt like he wasn’t helping me as much and said I wouldn’t mind being a sahd and you can work. They always make it seem like it’s an easy job yet if it was they wouldn’t ask us for help 24/7, where things are 24/7… wouldn’t get frustrated so easily but feel like they could do it everyday no breaks.. no pauses

Hearing constant screaming, being overstimulated 24/7.

Why is it “expected” for fathers to be just fathers. It’s not an expectation it’s your responsibility just as much as the mothers

I also say to him that it would be nice if he could help tidy up some things (because sometimes being at home all day it gets a little) without me having to ask, but he doesn’t see it as his responsibility because it’s my mess not his

Is it your mess? Do you clean his messes?

So… he’s complaining that he has to be… a father 🤦🏻‍♀️ some of these men AMAZE me with how ridiculous they are

ALSO 😆😆 I have to beg him for like five extra minutes by myself in the morning laying down, but I can’t even trust him to be out in the living room with him by himself, because I’ll walk out and he’s asleep on the couch and our son is just like sitting there

When my children’s father and I lived together we agreed with him having a rest day and me having a rest day ( which really wasn’t a rest day) but I was able to sleep in for a bit

honestly i wouldn’t leave him alone with the baby….. maybe just tell him that if he thinks it’s that easy he can do it all himself and you can just sit and watch but of course don’t help him when he’s being incompetent, but be there just in case for safety. i don’t leave my baby alone with anyone cuz im paranoid but especially someone who thinks it’s just so easy but is clearly a …. nincompoop.

I know it’s easier said then done but you need to make it clear to him that he needs to buck his ideas up. Sounds like you are practically a single parent at this rate it would be no different if he was there or not. If he doesn’t get any better then bin him

Because my husband works, I get up with the kids in the middle of the night. Imo, It's important for him to get his sleep so he doesn't lose his job, when we depend on his one income in our house. I think men can often think it's easy but will eventually learn it is not. On his days off, let him do it, and you sleep in and take the day off. To me, that's the trade off, I let you sleep when you have to go to work. But when you're off, I get to sleep, and you do the thing at home. You'll find your rhythm. Being a sahm is psychologically exhausting and can feel very lonely. It's important to try and convey your reality of it to him because he doesn't understand. And well, he's not doing it, so why would he? It's a learning curve for all of us. Parenting is wild. Having a job is way easier, though. To be able to leave, to have mentally stimulating conversations with other adults and not just have to tend to a baby, it's just a different thing.

@Jasmyn both messes. It’ll just be like toys from throughout the day but he hardly picks up after himself so I’ll usually clean his. It’s like if there were dishes in the sink he would only clean his and not clean everything else in the sink if that makes sense??

@sydney yes!! And after 5 minutes he’s always asking for help. When we do it all day with usually no one to ask for help 🫠

I remember feeling sad when my husband didn't fully seem to understand how draining it all was, and I let it create a huge distance for a long time. But I think just being able to go into the conversation and say respect my reality and I will also respect yours. That's great you think it's easy, but as the one doing it, I can tell you it's not. You can also explain, if he's not making you feel appreciated, why would the expectation be that you had to do so? Respect and empowerment needs to go both ways as your roles are different now. Communication is everything. Even if it can hurt our hearts to admit. We have to come together to do the work to repair.

@Darci my husband and I do the same thing. During the week and term time I get up during the night, do the majority of the house work ect because my husband works and he works bloody hard to provide for us. At the weekend/school holidays everything is 50/50.

To start with my husband would leave his clothes lying around everywhere then a magical fairy (me) would pick them up and clean them. One day I decided to not do it and see how long it would take for him to wash his own clothes. He came to me asking why he had no clean underwear 🙄 From that day I made a rule that if it’s not in the wash basket it’s not getting washed.

On his day off, give the baby to him and go out for self love. If he survives with no problem (doubtful), then do it again on his next day off. He better clean the house too and cook while you are gone. I told my husband one time that he already gets impatient with our 3 year old while I do my mani/pedi, so does he think being home 24/7 with a toddler is easy and also do all the work at the house by myself? If he wants you to work, then tell him to pay you for being a nanny, maid and a cook coz that is what will happen anyways when you go to work. Daycare is damn expensive

I second Toni but I mean instead of the day, treat yourself and get a hotel for a night 🤷🏻‍♀️ get some good snacks, fav drinks, a book or toss on a show and chill…..you fucking deserve it!

With my twins I worked one day a week and left them with my husband for the whole day when I went back after maternity leave. He quickly understood he had the easier life at work! Now we have another baby I am a SAHM but he always offers to carry or change the baby when we are off together. I would plan to go out for a day and leave your partner with the baby and a list of chores, see how well he does.

IMO, if he's working then he shouldn't be doing night feeds. My partner works Monday to Friday, so he does a Friday night so that I can catch up on some sleep, but that's the only night he does. I also do all the cleaning at home, as again I feel its only fair as I'm at home. I clean my babies bottles as they're used throughout the day, so again this sounds like something you could do? As it also saves time and feels less of a chore. It's definitely not "easy", but we do absolutely have the time to do these things.

@Rebecca there’s no ‘WE’ in this. Everyone’s experiences are very different. Why can’t the working parent doing a night feed? Being a parent is 24/7. Just because he’s going elsewhere to work, the mum is also non stop all day and taking care of a baby…

@Christie perhaps I'm just nice then! However, once I go back to work next year things like night feeds (if still applicable) will be split.

@Christie I’ve always done night duty. My husband has a very demanding job at a hospital and needs his sleep to care for sick babies. On the weekends, he does step up and does whatever he needs to do to contribute around the house and with our child. When he can make it home for bedtime routine, he always does the bath and offers to help clean the kitchen afterwards. Yes, everyone’s experiences are different but I don’t believe it is fair to expect the working parent to cover anything night time related when they have to be rested to be able to provide for their family. I think the OP is kind of expecting a little too much from the working partner during their work week. Just my opinion. She can easily clean bottles during the day and should not be expecting SO to do them when he get home from working all day.

@Cari I guess in your case it’s very different. Most men aren’t saving babies lives so that’s more than understandable but I think you’re very wrong in saying OP is expecting too much.

I could have written this myself. My husband and I have an 18 month old and a 6 week old. He’d say this to me quite often and in the 18 months he’s been given 2 opportunities to see what it’s really like to be a SAHD. First time was for a whole day and night when our son was around 4-6 months old and he got a taste then. NOW he’s gotten a 6 week taste (paternity leave) of having to get everything done with a toddler who’s having tantrums and not wanting him to get anything done. It has humbled him a bit and understand at least what I’m saying now about it being difficult to get things done.

@Christie exactly, your opinion

@Cari we’re all allowed one. Quite clearly, she was looking for support 🙌🏼

@Cari girl what’s your point of even commenting on my post? When you weren’t even commenting directly to me?? You obviously see my post as I do nothing when I in fact do mostly everything. Who are you to say I’m expecting too much and I can easily clean bottles. I DO THAT LOL. Not my point. I was looking for support not unnecessary opinions (which we can have different ones respectively) but not sit there and say I expect too much. That’s a little low from a fellow mom. Wish u the best 🫶🏼

@Joi thank you!!! I will definitely show him this 🥰