How to help a friend

It is a tough one as some of us just want to be left alone while going through a miscarriage especially if one of our friends is pregnant, while some of us will want that company. You can always send her a little message asking her how she is and if there’s anything you can do for her or if there’s anything that she needs and she will probably tell you if she wants to be left alone or if she needs a shoulder to cry on. When I went through my miscarriage I just wanted to be left alone as it’s not a very nice thing to go through. I also didn’t have anyone check in on me at all which wasn’t very nice😔x

I had a loss in 22 and a close friend of mine was pregnant and a week earlier than me. I lost mine, she did not and I never once wished that on her, but I’ll admit I was jealous of “why did I lose mine, but she kept hers?” Offer your support and if she turns you down accept it and back off until she processes it’s a lot. If she accepts your support baby steps, don’t bring up yours a lot unless she asks. I know that’s stupid, but it hurt so much more when my friend told me the gender and showed me the ultrasounds it made it all the more real and painful for me. But I also had a friend who got pregnant not long after I had lost mine that was amazing. She never brought it up, was always there, let me cry, etc. she was amazing, and while I was jealous when her baby was born a month after mine was due I never felt like she pushed her successful in my face… 🫶🏻 hope this helps 😭🫶🏻

Might I add, you’re an amazing friend and human for checking how best to handle this as to not cause more pain. 😭🫶🏻 she’s lucky to have you as a friend.

To me what fell on deaf ears was people giving sympathy and condolences etc. I just almost feel like it’s a given you don’t need to go on about it. Distractions for me were what I wanted and I actually loved the conversations with people who didn’t know because they didn’t pussyfoot around me. Do you have anyone who can take little one whilst you visited her etc? Outwith being a reminder I feel children aren’t the best at keeping things less stressful xx

Message in the days and weeks after to see how they are getting on, I had an outpouring of love from family and friends that first day I shared the news but felt very lonely in the days after x

Thank you all very much for your thoughts and advice Xxxxx

Everyone has already said it much better than me. It’s such a shit situation all round but I personally found being around my pregnant friends too hard to bear after I miscarried. Like others have said it’s absolutely not that she isn’t happy for you, and also everybody is different so she may not feel like this at all, but if I was on the other side I would let her know I was there but give her space to come to you when she is ready. The mixed feelings of jealousy and pain made me feel like an even worse human being/friend. It’s a lot of why isn’t that me, and that’s a horrible feeling to hold and I felt so guilty for having negative thoughts. I’m pregnant again now, and a friend is due when I would have been due and even though I’m on my journey again I know that next month is going to be incredibly hard to cope with.

When I miscarried my best friend was 13 weeks a head of me & I didn’t want to miss a second of her pregnancy & now we have kids 7 months apart & our youngest two are 9 months apart!! All I wanted was to know everything what pram she was getting could we still go baby shopping together I might have lost my baby but she still had hers & I wanted her to still feel like she could celebrate & be excited for her baby, this being said we have been best friends for 17 years so maybe different if your not quite as close, but all in all I didn’t want her to miss a second of her baby life because mine had died xx