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If you can afford it get a live in Nanny. It's a miracle having our nanny around

@Jane out of my own curiosity, isn't that expensive?

@Amy I would say it depends on where you look to find a nanny. Many of them come from other countries and love being a nanny because it comes with free housing and food. We got very lucky with ours and found her on one fo the FB groups. It can be pricey but I cut out some personal expenses and I do have a partner that contributes

Can you ask for help? I know sometimes we think people should just be there, but you’d be surprised how many people show up for you when you ask

Something that worked well for us, and I wish we’d done it sooner, was find a babysitter who was happy to come round on an ad hoc basis for 2/3 hours at a time and look after baby. We stayed at home but could be elsewhere in the house doing other things and getting a breather. Highly recommend it!

We did shifts for the first couple of months and it did take a toll on us at the time because I felt quite burnt out/lonely. I missed him! But it does get better My baby is 6 months old and our relationship is much better now This sounds very silly but everyday make sure you have one six second kiss, take the time to give each other at least a cuddle and a kiss Little things like that help

It's hard mama!! We have 2 under 2, families both abroad, scattered friends that helped with some cooked food for the first months, but I understand you. My partner works and I have trouble washing my face daily. I wash my hair once a week when he's home and can look after the girls... I don't even remember what it is to have a long shower, put on some cream or just doing a full routine of whateverthing. With baby n2 I've hired a babysitter, 2x week for 3 hours and it's heaven. I can do a bit of sport, or some self love, or just stare at the wall for 3 hr if I want. If you have space and money go for a live in nanny, I agree with the first comment, it's life changing (I know a mum and she's properly rested like a normal human being)

Oh I get it. I had a similar birth - 47 hours - and no family around. Ask friend to organize a meal train and have people drop food by and if they don’t live close gift cards for ordering carry out. If you have the money a postpartum doula could really help. They can do everything from cleaning and cooking to helping with the baby. If you have a good relationship you could just ask your mom to come and help. Tell them you need it and ask them to come and stay for a week. My mother was in a nursing home with Alzheimer’s so we didn’t have that option, but my sister and her husband both came out separately to help cook and help us out.

@Louise I’m sorry you are going through a rough time. I can definitely relate. I had a very traumatic labor as well. I have no family around either, and my husband’s family is not around! We’ve had a few friends stop by, but no real help. My baby is 3 weeks today, and my husband has been working even through his 2 weeks “off”. It’s definitely not easy. I will say it helped having a meal service so I didn’t have to worry about cooking, and I had food when I needed it. We also hired someone to come in and clean the house, and do laundry. It helped not feel helpless. I think a nanny is a great idea if it’s in your budget. Sending you warm hugs, and wishes. 🙏🏽

I feel you my family visited me first few days then I ended up in hospital on neonatal and didn’t see them. Unless I go to them I don’t see them. My son is 7 months now and I’m still struggling

Your best bet is a nanny/doula/night nurse. I, too, have no community, but I knew that prior to conceiving so I was prepared. You got this mama!

I unfortunately don't have any advice, just wanted to offer solidarity and say it gets easier. I was (am) in the same boat. No family here and no close friends. So it's just me and my husband. It's a lot, it's hard, and I wish I had more help. But, my son just turned a year old and I did it. I'm doing it. I hope you're able to get help (take it wherever you can get it), but just know you can do it and things will get easier.

Are there postpartum doulas in AU? My husband and I were totally solo for the first year of our older kids life because he was born right before the pandemic and we had no friends or family within hundreds of miles. We just made it work. Had to. It was exhausting but it was the only option.

Kind words, long kisses and good deeds all keep romance fires burning steadily 😉 Maybe people are waiting for an invite? No one really likes to disturb a new mother with her little baby, or maybe that's just me

I'd specifically ask your mum to come around, and say what. Eg "please come around and help me with washing" And get a cleaner

No one showed up for us either. We just pushed through and still (he’s 17 months) haven’t really had anyone show up for us. Needing a village is real but from posts I’ve seen, doesn’t really exist like it used to. Western civilization has f’d us so hard. In other countries they really focus on taking care of mama so she and baby can bond in a stress free environment. We have some how created this world/version of parenting where it’s strictly the mom and dad raising the baby. It’s not how it’s meant to be. Read the book ‘expecting better’. From the very beginning of time cultures relied on a little village to love support and help raise their families. Sending love. It’s so tough but you and your husband will find ways to make it work. 🤍