I don't like being a mum

Me too ❤️

It gets better babes 💙. I’d say try and build a village to help out

I feel the same and I felt the same with my first when he was little too, but honestly it gets so much better. I forgot about how it felt until I just had my newborn. My eldest is 5 now he’s like a little best friend - it gets better and you will find yourself again

I felt that and still do at times- but we’re still in the trenches a bit, it will get better 💞 prioritize yourself though, don’t lose yourself in motherhood- leave him with his dad for a few and take some self care time

Thank you all 💕 it's good to know you're not alone.

I felt like this the first few months but it’s gradually gotten better and I’m able to do a lot more for myself. They’re essentially a slug the first few months, gets so much more enjoyable when they’re smiling and laughing at you, and better again when they’re soaking up the world around them and you get to show them mundane things that they’ll find amazing 💖

It does get better.🙏🏼💛

Do you have a support system? Have you talked to dad? Is he willing to support you? Where are you located?

The pillars of postpartum are nutrition, sleep, support, and exercise. Your body needs to be properly fueled because it's spent 9 months growing a person, then it was ripped open on the inside, and now it's going to be healing and restoring your mineral reserves for the next THREE years. And I know, we're all going to scoff at sleep because, duh. No one feels like they get enough sleep with a baby 😂 but that's where support comes in. Do not, and I mean it, DO NOT feel like you HAVE to clean your house when the baby sleeps. Your priority right now is you, and your baby. And even then, let someone else make your baby their priority for a few hours. If you want to sleep, girl, SLEEP. If you can't, go outside. Go get a hair treatment at a salon. And then there's exercise. And I don't mean lifting in the gym if that's not your jam. Just getting outside and walking in nature is enough for those endorphins to get moving throughout your body. No one talks about these things and we need to. ❤️

It’s so damn hard in the beginning. I started feeling better at 6 months old and then much better at 8 months old. Try to eat when you can - being hungry makes me feel sad without really noticing it. Same with drinking water! Have a bottle with you all the time. Stay strong!

Oh, hm, I've never had a colicky baby / crying all the time baby so hopefully someone can chime in with their tricks. My first wasn't a good eater and probably was fussy, I remember I lost a lot of weight not eating properly. After it was confirmed she wasn't getting enough milk I did have to triple feed her for a month and then she grew out of it and was mostly appeased with being in a carrier. My second one is easier and I am was better at grabbing enough food ( in fact I gained weight because I snack to stay awake grr). The main thing that helped was to have a nursing pillow with a wall so that she snoozed on there and my hands were free, but yes I did have to prep whatever else I wanted nearby. Overall I can say I don't really like all the responsibility but it has to be done, and they are lovely and eventually take over bits and pieces taking care of themselves. I think as others said going to some moms group, even if it's a total mess getting there will help. All these feelings are valid

It is super hard, I knew it was going to be difficult but nothing prepares you for this! A few weeks in me and my partner just looked at each other and were like ‘what the hell have we done’ 🤣 we love our boy so much, but your whole life changes so drastically and sometimes I forget this is my life now - I’m not just babysitting for a few days 🤣 you have no time for yourself, no time for your partner, you can’t just pop to the shop it’s extremely difficult. My partner does equal amounts to me (if not more at times) so it sounds like your partner needs to up his game in terms of supporting you! Just because you’re the mum doesn’t mean he gets so slack off; you’re both parents!

Don't get me wrong. My other half does a hell of a lot alongside working full time but my little one won't let my husband put him down for a nap. He screams bloody murder and then completely calms when passed to me. Some people say I need to just leave the house and let him but my little one has done the whole breath holding crying and taken ages for his breathing to return to normal afterwards he gets so worked up. 😩 We have no idea why. He does do everything else! I just seem to be the only one who can fully settle little man still. Hoping this will change in time!

It definitely will change! You're his safety right now; he will broaden his horizons soon. Remember, you were his everything from conception to birth, and in many many ways, you still are his everything. I know it's hard. It's exhausting. But we see you and we're in it with you. ❤️

Thank you so much 💕 I try to remember this and on some days it's easier than others. Today is better than yesterday. @Abigail In answer to your questions above. I wish I did have more of support system but unfortunately I've found out since having little man that I really don't. The people I thought would help me have been nowhere to be seen. My husband is doing everything he can. But we pretty much on our own. Thank you for reminding me to take care of myself with the pillars. It's easy to just get your head down and forget the basics right now!

I think it's so much more common to feel that way than most people know or will admit. It does get easier but it takes time. In the meantime, are there ways in which you can improve things now? Do you have any support around you that can look him for a couple of hours a couple of times a week so you can do things for yourself? Can you and baby's Dad take shifts? Is it possible to make sure that no one has primary responsibility for the baby for more than 6 hours without at least an hour's break? If Dad is willing but baby settles better with you, the best thing to do would be to just let baby be upset with him. As long as he's being cared for and comforted, he's allowed to be upset that it's not by you for a little while. It won't hurt him and will give him and his Dad a chance to bond. Maybe start with one nap per day being Dad's responsibility? Also have his Dad take him out for a walk if possible when it's his turn to look after him so you get a true break.

When it is just you, can you put baby in a carrier so you can do other things? Put headphones on and listen to music that you like? Or a podcast/audiobook or even just ear defenders for some quiet while white noise/nursery rhymes are playing or baby is crying. Are you able to meet up with a friend or family member once a week to have some normal conversation, even if baby is with you? Can someone prepare all of your meals so that all you have to do is eat when you get the chance? If you're really struggling, it's okay to put baby in a safe space and walk away for 5 minutes. You're definitely not alone in the way that you feel and I hope it gets easier for you soon.

I've just read some of your other comments. You could try wearing one of your partner's clean t shirts for a while so it smells like you and then give it to him to wear before he takes the baby. You could also see if you hold/rock baby in a similar way etc. to try and limit the differences as much as possible. As for the breath holding spells, I find that blowing in their face works every time. For the uncontrollable crying, a baby carrier and movement (walking, bouncing) seems to work quite universally for calming and sleep so maybe Dad could try that? Ultimately it will just take time and practice but the more baby is exposed to his Dad comforting him or putting him to sleep, the more he'll get used to it. It's soooo hard as a Mum to just let them cry when you know you can soothe them easier but you're going to be more use to baby if you're happy, rested and taken care of. Just remind yourself that you're doing it for him as much as you are yourself and it will be better in the long run.

Thank you for your reply @Antoinette This has been really good to hear. I needed to remind myself that he is safe and I am okay to step back. My brain just goes into some sort of primal fear when he's screaming. He has napped with his dad just now. I was downstairs with the TV on loud and cuddling the cat!

I'm only telling you things I have to remind myself of daily. It is so incredibly hard and I completely relate to the primal fear. Well done for the last nap. I hope it helped and that it's the first of many. You're important too!

I feel you on that. It seems like people are so happy to support you when you’re pregnant and they swear they’re gonna be there for you then once the baby’s here they’re gone. We dont have anyone around to help us out either its driving us crazy..

If you ever need a friend 🙋🏻‍♀️🩷

I’m having a hard time coping too! It’s FCKIN hard tbh! Sometimes I do hate seeing my husband do whatever he wants but here I am — surviving every day and trying to fight these thoughts! I miss being single and I miss doing things for me.

@Chelsea Ahhh! It’s the worse! Mom guilt is super real! Idk how to get over that and TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.