Feeling so guilty
My emotions have been everywhere this week because of PMS, which has been causing me to feel reactive and burnt out. This afternoon, when I was putting my 3yo down for his nap, there was a huge motorcycle ride going on, and we were watching from his window and instead of letting him watch in amazement and talk about all the cool bikes, I nudged him out of the way because he was right in front of me. Like why the fuck did I do that?? Why was I so frustrated that he was in front of me?? I've been a million motorcycles in my life. I just don't get why I didn't let him watch and enjoy all those motorcycles. I wish so badly I could turn back time.. I feel so shitty when I react like that and don't mean to.. I wish I could make that experience up to him.. I wish I wasn't so easily reactive, especially when I'm pmsing or on my period. I'm such a shitty mom.
Ohhh hun. Of all the things to feel guilty about, this is such a little thing. Please don't let it get you down! This absolutely doesn't make you a shit mum. You absolutely didn't traumatised him. I am not sure if you are a perfectionist, but in parenting you can't strive for perfection and kick yourself when you're not perfect. There's no such thing as perfect parenting. If you are a human doing your best and avoiding any massively obvious things like beating your child or neglecting them, you are doing OKAY. It's fine to reflect on instances and use them as a learning opportunity for yourself but please don't dwell in guilt and feel terrible over them.