Loneliness

Being a parent has brought so much joy to my life. When we first had our child we lived in my hometown. We had our parents, some friends, and we got to see them. My husband and I went on different schedules so somebody could be with our baby. No daycares had space. We spent less time with each other. The time we did spend together was filled with talk of the baby, talk of finances, and some times we spent just playing with our new addition. We didn't sleep in the same bed anymore due to the fact of the baby. When it was still fresh it needed somebody to be in the same room. That was lonely but understandable. Then we moved to another state. No family, no friends, just us. We still are on opposite schedules (still haven't found a daycare) and we still don't sleep in the same bed when we do have the chance. Nobody where I work now wants to hang around somebody with a kid. Nobody where I work that has kids wants to be friends (most of them are on different shifts anyway). Unless my husband is off the only time I actually speak to grown ups is at work, and that's barely. When my husband is off I feel like we still barely talk, unless it's about the baby, the house, or the pets. It's always logistical. I feel so alone. I feel like my husband is pulling away, like maybe he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I'm not sure how much I made up in my head, or how much I'm subliminally picking up from him, but I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to bring it up to him without him getting defensive or turning it around on me somehow and making me feel bad for feeling bad. I just felt like somebody should know.. So if you read this far, thank you. I'm glad at least one person knows my truth.