Not getting used to being a new mum

This happened and is happening to me. You have to get out and get your community. Find libraries and mommy and me programs. There may be many moms you connect with or just one, or, like me, none..... but you gotta try

Not yet my boy is due in Sept but this could have been me that wrote this Make your own new life And be patient with how long it takes to carve it out Use networks like this one, (depending on where you are based some people meet up IRL) and meet up app If you have childcare sorted it may be easier to carve out time for yourself 🥰 Keep in touch with your friends too some will assume you want the space but it’s good if they know you as an individual still exist outside of you as mummy. Hang in there You’re not alone in this xxxx

Thanks Sam, I will keep trying to meet new moms. I just do not feel like myself at the moment.

Yeah maybe start a community of abroad moms in there 40s yall can be each others support system make sure there going threw the same thing so yall can really relate I hope u find your tribe I’m praying for ya be blessed

Thanks @Dee . And congratulations on your baby boy 😊

I'm moving abroad in October and worried about this too. I'm self employed so also don't have work colleagues. I'm going to look for ex pat mums groups and create one if it doesn't exist. Also just go to local baby groups and hope people will speak to me in English.

I hear you. They say it takes about 3 years for a woman's hormones to return to normal after pregnancy..... years!!!! So be patient and gentle with yourself. Message me if you would like 👍🏽

I totally understand this. I'm due with my second in August and struggled when I had my first from this same standpoint. During leave, I had a tough time meeting like-minded moms that intended to work again. My solution was getting involved with a nonprofit. I needed adult, professional interaction and had a lot of experience to give to the nonprofit. It allowed me to get what I needed but on my own schedule. I'm on the board of that nonprofit now and when I'm on leave this time, I'll be able to continue that work to keep my mind sharp and give me something for me.

I found putting myself out there to meet other moms with kidsmy kiddos age. finding moms ans kids groups

It takes awhile, and I made some mom friends but most of all I stopped clinging to my old life and fully embraced my mom “era”, my little ones are only little once. Sure I won’t go to the bar as often or meet up with friends for a BBq but I do keep in touch, see people when I can and just sit in this parenting moment. I’ve heard people say when you have a baby you don’t just give birth to a baby you give birth to a mother too. It takes time for both of you to grow together 🥰

It's tricky to say. Having kids coincided for me with improved diagnosis and treatment for an endocrine disorder. I used to be busy but only to a degree after which I would crash, probably get depressed and pull myself up on a cycle. Now I think I can handle more and I keep learning in so many directions, but sleep deprivation is preventing me from taking advantage of this consistently. In a way I have hindsight appreciation for everything I got into before kids even if at times I felt really crappy. Now that I am done having kids I slowly keep adding in things I love and see if I can fit that in with or around the kid time. The fun is in that experiment. Socially I am pushed more now because I have to demonstrate that for my oldest.

I think with my first it took me maybe a year or a little more to accept that my life had changed and I started to enjoy it more. I think it’s such a life changing experience and yet we put so much pressure on ourselves to still do/have it all like we did before but if we don’t have the support system (which I don’t either) it’s impossible. You’ll find your groove just be kind to yourself and not hard on yourself. Isolation is definitely hard. With my youngest (14mth) I signed up to lots of classes because getting out makes you feel better. I still struggle now and again but not as much and feel more confident and happy now x

I think it’s normal, especially if you come to parenthood late and were able to fully indulge in being an individual for years. I had my first at 40, second due next week at 43 and I loved my pre motherhood life. My 30’s rocked doing interesting things for work, travelling, eating well. I almost had to go through a period of mourning for my old life. My take away three years down the line and with a view to my next are; You need to find one pal who you connect with beyond the fact you have children. Someone you’d actually want to be friends with outside of this new world. Keep doing things you enjoy as well. I’ve definitely found if I’m fulfilled I’m a more complete parent. So we go to a lot of baby things in gallery’s so I can see some art at the same time! Know these feelings can come in waves and you might feel different as your son grows. I’ve enjoyed it so much more now my son has language: Know you are not alone!!

This happened to me when I had my first baby. This time around I knew what to expect so it was much easier, but I know exactly where you’re coming from. It’s a huge responsibility, it’s 24/7 that requires relentless attention and patience. All I can say is, “this part is temporary.” It’s hard right now, but find mums groups and get out and about, even if it’s just for a walk around the block every day. This time next year they will running about, calling you mummy and giving you the best toddler cuddles. It goes so so quickly. It seems slow at the time, but my eldest is 20 now and I have no clue where that time went! And, remember, all mums have been where you are and it’s not an age thing. Being a mum is hard work and, yes, it is isolating, and most mums feel the same as you! Link up with them by getting out and about, joining clubs etc. They are so portable at this age. I go to the cinema with my daughter, (some cinemas let you go into films up to 12A), I just go when she’s sleepy xx

I have no family and friends where I moved to and not one person has held, fed or changed my baby other than me. I just made sure I had routine and signed up to a few classes to see others. I used to do things that maybe I wouldn’t be able to when they are running around, like going to a coffee shop for breakfast or to the park fit fresh air and read whilst they sleep xx

Thank you all for taking the time to share your experience. I can see that this happens to a lot of you, and that makes me feel better. In a way I knew that it would take time for me to find myself in this new role. But so far, it has been more difficult than I thought. I am so grateful to have been able to have a healthy child as this age, but I kind of feel I lost myself with the not socializing, not having time for me to have even a shower, this new postpartum body and still trying to recover from a traumatic C-section. I feel like I aged years in a few months!! 😅 I have been joining some groups, but usually all moms that go to these in my area are much younger, and local. I will continue to try to socialize, especially with older expat moms, as they will be in the same situation as I am. And I totally agree with Katie’s comments, when she says that I should find a friend to connect beyond the fact that we have children of similar age. Wish me luck!! Xx

Where are you based btw? There must be in person groups even off this app All the best 😊