How to mourn

This was my rainbow baby, so I thought..I've been trying for 12 y. My husband and I struggle a lot with unexplained infertility. I was in depression in 2017. We got separated in 2020 but was still seeing each other from time to time and suddenly I got pregnant naturally. However, it ended up in an ectopic pregnancy and it was misdiagnosed so I end up having surgery and lost my baby and missing a tube. The docs said it was impossible for me to get pregnant. It was very hard to hear and to take in... I wanted kids genetically of my own but if I couldn't I had no choice but to turn to the next step. So I found an egg donor in another country and was ready to go do the intervention when 2w before leaving I got pregnant! This was my miracle! We had an ultrasound at 6w and 8w with heartbeat. I thought we were safe.... So I am 11w and was spotting and called the nurse of my hospital, and she said it was normal and to stay home. I didn't feel it was right, so I still went in, and they didn't find the heartbeat, and the baby measured 8w only. I saw the OB last week, and on his portable echo, he said the baby was moving... I don't know what happened in a week. I cried so much and I couldn't process it. The doctor was very cold and just gave me a prescription and sent me home. When I went to the pharmacy, the pharmacist said out loud so youre having an abortion! So unprofessional! I am already hurt that I lost my baby and she assume things like that! So I took the pills and last night was the most horrible night physically and mentally 🥺 I saw my baby come out ... I will always remember him...I don't know how to deal with this or to mourn this time. I lost my first in an ectopic so I didn't get to see the baby grow and see the heartbeat and move and be so cute. I feel I could've done things differently. The nurses were nice and said its not my fault but I can't help it. How did you all mourn your loss?