Toddler behaviour

Hello, I am at a loss and been feeling very upset. - this is a long post!! My daughter turned 2 at the end of August and has always been a very happy child and quite advanced in most areas ( walked at 9 months, talks in full sentences, knows to count to 16, ABC song, shapes and colours and has excellent balance and loves to run!) she is also very confident. In the last couple of weeks there has been a real change in her behaviour for the worse. Every day, all day she just moans and cries over the smallest thing. The cries are loud and sometimes she just screams. Everything is super dramatic ALL THE TIME. I had a baby in June so I know that is a massive change for her not being the baby and only child anymore and I try my best to have one on one time with her and continue to play etc. We go to the park a lot and she goes to her dance class and sees her friends for play dates etc. The baby is super chilled although he likes to be held a lot. They love each other already and she is always giving him cuddles and talking to him. I have not noticed any jealousy towards him. But I know that is a really significant change in our life. I am on maternity leave and I am with my two children every day, all day. My daughter has never been to nursery and will start when I go back to work in June. I am trying my best but everything I do seems to be a problem for her. Is anyone else's toddler just constantly having terrible tantrums and just really unhappy? We went to the pumpkin patch on Saturday and she was the only child whining and unhappy everyone else was happy playing away. I try to do nice things with her but nothing seems good enough and I get upset. I have a lot of mom guilt and have been feeling very down since baby no 2 arrived which I'm trying to sort out. I don't have a "village" to help as people don't really seem bothered about us anymore and it has been very different the attitudes of people this time round to first time round which has surprised me and upset me a lot but that ok, at least I know where I stand. When family do visit they have made flippant comments about her behaviour and now I dread them coming as she behaves badly. She ignores you when you talk to her, has started mumbling alot when her speech used to be much clearer and just cries all the time. I sing songs and try to do actions etc and ask her to join in and she always says no to everything. We have all had really bad colds/ the flu lately so I know that could have affected her but I don't think it's that alone. Days are starting to become miserable for all of us. Planning to go to the sea life centre tomorrow but I'm sure it will just be more tantrums and unhappiness. Not sure what I can do to improve things, any advice please? Has anyone been through anything similar?

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Sounds like a case of terrible 2s to me, can come at any stage. My boy is the same they're still really young to register who people are , especially if they don't see them often. May I ask why she doesn't attend nursery? It just might help her in the long run, breaks up your day you both get 1 to 1 with bubba , and your daughter gets to learn. I myself I don't have a village, I've fallen out with my family and I've just moved so I'm very isolated. However my 2yr old was really prem and had masses of energy but at same time isn't interested in anything, However since attending nursery he's really come over leaps n bounds, he still babbles as he was prem at 24wks - So he's developing slower but we making progress. Does she play with any other kids her age? She might be bored and when you do go out , it maybe overstimulating for her and she may not be able to process other than to cry etc etc x

I remember seeing somewhere it’s normal for the first to regress when you have a baby as they want to be treated like a baby I can’t remember the advice but at least you know it’s normal ♥️ I’m quite ermmm I don’t know what the word is but when people comment negatively on our current situation, I just either ignore or say something like if you want to offer help rather than criticism that would be better 🤣 or even like oh I thought it was normal because no one offers to help! 🥱 It must be super difficult during maternity to find that one on one time with the eldest and maybe ask someone if they can take the baby for an hour or two and go on a coffee date have some cake? Or whatever you used to do with her? Honestly you’re doing a great job! 👏🏻 mine is super testy at the moment as well ♥️♥️

Thank you, hearing it might be normal makes me feel a fraction better. @Elle (i can't see waves) She has never been to nursery as she was looked after by grandparents when I went back to work and I honestly didn't think she needed it. She was doing so well and when we go out and people ask how old she is and what nursery she goes to they are always shocked when I say she doesn't because of how confident she is and how well she is doing developmentally and we were lucky enough to have the help. She loves her granddad and I loved that she was spending that time with him. They are super close and really love each other. However, maybe things have changed and I need to look at it again. Not sure I could afford many days at nursery being on statutory maternity pay 🥴. She plays with kids her own age and I make sure she has friends her own age that we met through baby sensory and other classes we went to so she plays with children her own age. She is very sociable and talks to everyone.

Since having baby two, granted we haven't gone out as much but I am determined to do that. We went to a birthday party last week for her friend and she loved it. When it was time to leave we had the hysterics again getting into the car just like we did getting into the car to go to the party in the first place.

@Laura thank you, that maybe what she is doing which makes me feel even more guilty. I have felt very different this time round after having my son and not sure if its post partum depression and I'm trying to work on that but family haven't been very supportive unfortunately and some don't even ask how we are or how my children are so I don't really have anyone to ask to have my son. But on a weekend I have said to my husband I need to do more one on one with just her but as my son is 15 weeks old and ebf it's hard to leave him for long. Just feeling like I'm failing them both at the moment.

Hi I've no real advice but I am literally in the exact same boat. My son was two in August and has been the easiest sweetest boy. However the last few weeks have brought me to tears with his behaviour. My mum just keeps saying it's the terrible twos and it will pass. Sometimes nothing sets him off, but mostly it's nappy changes, getting in the car, moving on from an activity. Everything is NO! It's so draining. I'm with you. I hope it passes soon as it must be so hard with another baby xx

I would get her in nursery asap! We found that when my son was behaving his worst he was it bored. We do loads more now and he goes to nursery and it’s a great sanity preserving routine. Then outside of nursery you can still do one on one time!

@Nikki makes me feel a little better that it's not just me experiencing this. Thank you

@Chani yeah maybe you're right. How often does your son go to nursery?

He’s in 4 days a week now because I’m working but he did 2 days from 7 months old. It’s like a play date every day and he absolutely loves it. I would definitely recommend finding a small nursery/childminder

@Chani gosh ok that seems quite a lot but understandable with work and if he loves it then great. We have her place sorted for June but might consider pulling if forward. When your son is not at nursery, what sort of activities do you do with him? Thanks

I have a little girl July 22 - she sounds the same as your daughter. Very clever but had a baby in September and we are going through exactly the same. Since turning 2 the tantrums have been something else and I question why she isn’t happy. But at nursery she is super happy and content. She doesn’t eat at home, everything is a problem yet at nursery is an angel 😇 She is SUPER emotional, cries at almost nothing. But also is learning so many other emotions. Everything is a battle, she currently won’t sit in the bath or have a shower I just have to do it whilst she cries. I think it’s a combination of it all. Please know you aren’t alone xxx

@Georgia thank you. I really do feel alone and that I'm being a bad mum and she just seems so unhappy. We have been learning about emotions (happy, sad, frightened, shocked, angry, silly, loving, joyful, excited etc) and I keep asking her to use her words to tell me what's the matter and she said she doesn't feel happy anymore and it broke my heart and I feel terrible. I'm not sure if she knows or understands what she said or if it's just because we had been learning about emotions but it was upsetting for me. On a positive note, We had a day out yesterday and she loved it and was as good as gold. So going out again today.

I had another baby in April and it is hard to juggle the two. My two year old goes to nursery and that has really helped as I get time to bond with the new baby and we still have our time together. I think the combo of the terrible twos and having a huge change in their lives does have an impact on their behaviour. Maybe it’s worth looking into a part time place to give yourself a bit of rest bite and your 2 year old some time with other kids their age. Some days I tell myself, it’s only temporary and things will get easier x

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