Anyone terrible at consoling people when they're upset?

I am so bad at comforting people. I also don't like physical affection, so it's hard to hug someone who needs it, but I'll do it anyway even tho it makes me uncomfortable. I also feel the need to run away when adults cry. I just don't know what to do with it

@Kylie I'm like weird in the sense I cry ALL the time, but I run away so people don't see me. But I also want to be more openly vulnerable but I don't know how to handle others crying 🫠🫠🫠.

And to add to that if a friend texts me their drama. I just feel like I'm hardly keeping up with surviving myself. And I don't have an ounce of energy to deal with their stuff. It makes me feel so shitty. Like I literally would text them "I don't care and dont have the time" if I wouldn't lose them as a friend.

It doesn't make you a bad person if you don't have the headspace to deal with their issues. Idk, have you looked into therapy for childhood stuff?

@Ella Oh I've looked into alright 🤣. Probably had a good total of 3 years of therapy in my life. Probably 8 therapists lol. Yes it's helped a lot. But I've got a long ways to go.

I feel like no matter how I personally feel, it still comes across as fake

I am the WORST at this, and it's not even because we where shamed for our emotions growing up, we've always been freely told to express our feelings but I find it so hard to comfort people and I think that's because I've got a very "it's happened, there's nothing we can do about it, move on" attitude. Like, my aunt died a few days ago, and I cried for a few hours, then kind of shook it off and continued on. My cousin, however (not her child), has cried for 3 days and taken time off work for it.

I’ve seen this with so many other people, one of them is my partner. It’s just difficult for him to comfort someone when they are upset. Though he never really had that love and affection growing up and I think that is a huge factor like you said. I on the other hand was constantly shown affection with hugs and kisses still to this day. My grandma and mom will always hug me and give me a kiss on the cheek and now I’m the first one to jump and hug and console someone who may be going through a difficult time.

Get a therapist?

@Adriana Yep, i just didn't have a family who showed affection and shamed you for any emotions good or bad. I'm like aware of my short fallings and I know like what I should be doing by doing therapy and reading but it just feels so unnatural.

@Victoria yes if you saw the post above I have been doing ongoing therapy for years and it's an ongoing process. But thank you for your supportive response. But maybe you should too because it seems you have the same problem as me 😅.

I completely understand not feeling anything…I was taught from a young age that crying was intolerable. So c when people cry I feel like it’s my responsibility to show them emotion. I’m not saying you’re right or I’m wrong or vice versa. I’m just saying that everyone has a right to their own feelings.