Argument about Sex

Good for you for maintaining your boundaries. Guys who push for sex without protection are super gross 🤢 And there's all kinds of other intimacy you can enjoy without risking another pregnancy

Have you guys sat down and had a conversation? Maybe you should if you haven’t already reiterated it. I would assume that because your married one wouldn’t think that condoms were necessary. I understand you wanting to take precautions but at the same time he’s a man they don’t tend to think past 5 min when it’s comes to those types of things. You also mentioned your at a hotel, girl the fact that you didn’t think he wasn’t gonna try to have sex is beyond me lol. Any sex outside of your bedroom is exciting. I wouldn’t take it to heart. Just explain that you are not interested in having anymore kids right now, that you need time to adjust and don’t want anymore unplanned pregnancies.

Can't you go get condoms? Most hotels have them in vending machines?

Guilt into sex sounds like you don’t even like the man 😬

@Raqi it isn’t some random person she’s dating, she said her “husband” unless there is past trauma or infidelity issues what would be the need unless they already discussed not having anymore pre planned pregnancies.

If my fiancé did this to me I’d slap him 🤢 don’t feel bad for sticking to your boundary

I can understand both points. Did you guys discuss sex beforehand? Is this your first time having sex since you have the baby 4 months ago? I can understand him as your husband not thinking you will need condoms unless you guys talked beforehand and decided no not unprotected sex. I can also understand you don’t want to get pregnant again, did you also not want to have sex?

@Keisha Being in a relationship/marriage doesn't automatically give you access to your partner's body, especially not unprotected. If he can't take more than 5secs to think about remembering condoms and then tried to push her into unprotected sex after she said no, it is gross. He's not the one having to go through pregnancy or an abortion just because he wants to hit it raw.

@Keisha seriously? Being married doesn't mean the husband can have sex when he wants and how he wants. Any husband who doesn't respect that his wife isn't ready to have another kid and won't respect condoms or get a vasectomy is a big 🚩 And not wanting to have sex doesn't mean she doesn't like him. Sometimes people arnt in the mood and that's okay.

Never let a man guilt you into sex. They try normalizing getting mad or saying it’s “cruel” to withhold, it is not normal. There is a difference between using sex to reprimand your spouse and setting boundaries. You also know what’s a turn on and what’s a turn off for you and if he’s turning you off walk away. You don’t need to up and leave him. But you can express that pressuring you is not sexy and you’d rather have a conversation about how to proceed. Please, communicate with your partner about what will work for both of you. The pull out method as well as tracking my menstrual cycle works for us. There are many natural ways to protect from pregnancy that may work better for your lifestyle.

I agree with you @Alex @Morgan but my concern is that was their even a conversation had. I don’t agree that someone should be guilted or coerced at all. My boyfriend would never even approach me that way. It’s says a lot about their communication

Sex without ENTHUSIASTIC consent is not consent. He was shitty for not considering the ramifications of unprotected sex (especially after having 2 kids) but it seems like there’s more going on here? If you’re not ready for sex at all, that’s completely ok too, you just need to communicate that with him. Everyone in the comments implying that men just want sex, but if you guys are alone after having back to back babies, plus him being gone several months at a time, he might just be missing intimacy, and thinking you have to have sex to be intimate. Just cuddling up together with no distractions and just enjoying being with eachother is intimacy too. You both have to be able to communicate what you need first before you can get anywhere good though

@Keisha I think if there wasn't a conversation beforehand that's even more reason for him to come prepared with condoms.

Good for you for sticking to your guns! Although, have you discussed contraception? As condoms are obviously not the only option!

@Keisha and it being her husband, I'd hope he'd respect her enough not to try and guilt (aka coerce) her into sex without protection

I agree. It’s an unfortunate situation and a conversation needs to be had.

I feel like a serious conversation was needed after LO was born on how y'all would approach birth control. You have everyright to say no and he needs to respect that. But I think you guys need to talk how y'all will approach birth control moving forward.

Good for you 👏🏻 I would do the same damn thing.

Are you at a hotel because you and the kids are on holiday or something? Or are you at the hotel specifically for quality time? It doesn't excuse his behaviour but if you are there without kids I can see why he would have an expectation you'd have sex. But yes you guys should definitely discuss birth control, and no means no. Sounds like you went ahead and did it though, since you told him if he gets you pregnant you'll abort.

Birth control is the responsibility of both of you. It’s interesting that you’re saying HE should have brought condoms - you could equally have brought them if you knew you had alone time together in a hotel and you want to avoid pregnancy. It seems strange to me that you haven’t had a discussion about birth control and family planning. It seems like a discussion needs to be had. I hope you can work something out 😊

No he absolutely should have come prepared, this idea that you were somehow responsible is actually insane, I’m sorry you are getting those type of comments. Side note you should not ever feel pressured into having sex with him, you literally just had a baby. If you’re not ready, touched out, don’t feel like it, hell even if you simply don’t want to that is 100% ok and you should be able to say that without backlash from him of any kind.

We have had the conversation on multiple occasions that I WILL NOT have sex unprotected again until we decide we are ready for our 3rd child. Especially after our second one was a complete mishap when conceived. I am unable to take hormonal birth controls, and I refuse to stick an IUD up inside me, too many horror stories. We have agreed we will use a condom every single time we have sex. I have told him before “if you plan to try and have sex, you need to be the one to bring the condoms”. He’s a grown man who can hold accountability for his own wants and needs. I am still freshly postpartum and have the lowest libido, especially when turned off by my husband not listening to my very BIG concerns of becoming pregnant from unprotected sex. Also, after I said no bc he did not have a condom, he got mad and got in bed without saying anything else and refused to help me get the digital room key access on my phone… so I couldn’t leave or reenter the hotel room on my own.

@Ella no we did not have sex. I was sick with strep, so I was not planning to have sex. That is why I myself did not bring condoms. @Sophie we have had this discussion on multiple occasions. I have told him he is responsible for bringing protection if HE thinks he may want to have sex. My BC is abstinence 🤷‍♀️ sex is naturally for procreation and I JUST had a baby, so I’m exhausted, no libido, and I have strep from my kids. WHY would I even WANT to have sex rn???

I feel like birth control is both of y'all responsibility if you don't wanna get pregnant there's many forms of birth control you can use and get and it wouldn't of hurt you to get condoms yourself as well so don't just blame him for that. Also aborting an innocent child because 2 grown adults are being careless and irresponsible is just beyond stupidity. If you didn't want sex altogether then say that to him you are a married couple this isn't a high school relationship.

For everyone wondering about communication. We do communicate. We’ve had the conversation of expectations, but being a man, he legitimately will not try to comprehend why I do not have any libido or want for sex. I am currently struggling with untreated sleep apnea, strep throat, less than 2-4hrs of sleep nightly, 2 kids with hand foot mouth, handling the entire household primarily alone, taking care of 3 dogs, working the family appointments and schedules out (WE ARE SO BUSY), and STILL trying to make alone time to just spend together. I also only see him for 3-4hrs daily bc he works 10-7am and sleeps 8-4pm. Then he naps again at 8pm after we put the kids down for the night.

I also work part time 2 days when he’s working. I’m so goodamn tired. Sex and a possible accidental pregnancy, even with protection, is the last thing I want

@Sol I HAVE TOLD HIM THIS. Tf??? How is me wanting abstinence irresponsible? HE was irresponsible. He literally said to me “I didn’t bring any condoms bc I didn’t think about it”. Sounds like a him problem that he now doesn’t get to have sex. Plus. I had strep and was sick. The hotel room was bc we were out of town at our military drill.

I think if all of this was expressed in your initial post a lot of these comments wouldn’t have happened. The app is about motherhood I get it but we can go off only what it is that you said. You seem very overwhelmed and I apologize if any of what I said offended you.

If what you said is the case, then it’s pure selfishness on his part. I would again communicate those feelings to him especially if you plan to maintain a healthy relationship.

@Keisha no you’re fine! I appreciate the feedback. It’s hard to remember to put all of the info into the original post! I apologize. I am VERY overwhelmed. After everything, I feel like sex is a constant argument for us. I recently had to ask him to stop touching me so inappropriately all the time bc anytime we would touch, hug, kiss, it was immediately hands down my pants to touch my everything, or up my shirt to grab my boobs, and it disgusted me. It makes me feel like a sex object…. Here and there? Fine. But every time??? Unnecessary.

I agree that you should stick with your decision. IF you voiced that you don’t want another child, and he is aware of your BC decision, and yet still wants to…yes he should bring some.

He is a big baby pouring he didn’t get his way even though it’s no one’s fault but his own

The 6% who said ‘withholding sex is cruel’ is wild omg😭😅 You don’t have to have sex with anyone, tf it’s not cruel. Do what YOU want to do, nobody else

I'm so tired so I might have missed it if they have but has no one commented on the fact that your husband basically stonewalled you because you didn't have sex and ignored the fact that you needed help to leave the room?! I know there's two sides to every story but I'd be a lot more concerned about this than my partner forgetting condoms. Especially as you were poorly! 100% need to having another conversation with this man

I wouldn't risk it, particularly as you've already had one pregnancy was unplanned. You both need to discuss contraception and decide on a more reliable method, whatever that may be. It is the responsibility of both partners to protect against pregnancy, if they don't want to have another child. I think there is a bigger discussion to have around intimacy though. It just needs some communication. It sounds like you're looking for more than he's giving at the moment, as he's focusing on the physical and maybe you need him to be more emotionally intimate.

Thats horrible that he treated you that way bc he forgot condoms. You guys couldn’t have sex bc of him. He understands you can’t be on birth control and knew this was his responsibility bc of your stance on abstinence. Don’t let him or anyone else make you feel bad for standing up for yourself and saying “no”.

@Kaitlyn, she absolutely IS responsible for her sexual and reproductive health. It is HER body, and if she doesn't want another child right now or at all, then it absolutely IS her responsibility to take measures to prevent a pregnancy from occurring. As the person who wears the condom and who supposedly loves OP and who knows how they conceived their second child it IS also HIS responsibility. The fact you don't think a woman has any responsibility is wild.