I NEED HELP AND POTENTIALLY FAST!
I broke up with babies dad a week ago due to him being very controlling and always smoking weed. (I did put a post on the other day saying I wasn’t sure how I’d cope being a single mum but now it’s gotten worse!)
since I broke up with him he has been smoking more and also drinking alcohol. He hasn’t bothered coming to see his little girl for two weeks (I had to move back into my mum‘s and dad‘s house around two months ago as he was kicked out of his parents but he’s back there now but I told him I refuse to go back to his mum’s as it will just happen again soon it’s always does. It’s a vicious circle, which is partly why I broke up with him because I was fed up of being in the circle. And as I say for the past two weeks he hasn’t bothered to come and visit and even when he did there was at least a week or more between when he see his little girl to the point the last time he saw her my little girl looked like she didn’t recognise him.)
Anyway, I’m gonna get to the point now. I thought I’d give it a little bit of a backstory. I found out this morning that he’s been going around saying that my father has grabbed his mum around the neck and pinned her against the wall when my dad hasn’t been anywhere near Baby Dad‘s house in months and when it comes to his mum he’s never been near her he has always hated my baby dads family (same as my mum as they are all narcissists), he’s also said he’s gonna take me to court to try and get 50/50 custody over our little girl but I’m breastfeeding and he has full custody of her now and doesn’t even bother with her. I do have some screenshots of messages where I’ve tried to make plans and he hasn’t bothered and I’m not sure if I have many of him smoking or drinking just recently so I’m really stressed as it is with the breakup let alone having this on top.
What should I do? Should I ring the police now or wait a bit longer to see if anything else happens?
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Ran out of space 😂 if he’s toxic then avoid contact. I know all this as I have been through this myself. I’m very lucky that my partner turned a new leaf and is now the perfect dad and partner. He wasn’t before!!! I do still have issues with him but he knows he needs to think about his actions. I hope this all helps? Xx
@Bex thank you so much! Our little girl is 4 and 1/2 months old so he’s already on the birth certificate so hopefully they can take him off if it goes to court. I’m still shocked about what he’s going around saying about my father!!! He is not the type of guy to go around doing anything to anyone!!
Firstly I would recommend keeping EVERYTHING as evidence. Any messages where he admits to smoking weed / drinking. Any messages where he is being toxic / controlling etc. keep anything from now on too. Keep a diary of when he visits. How long for. How long he leaves it before seeing her next. In my experience it seems he is prioritising his addiction over his daughter. Do not listen to his words. Watch his actions. His actions will tell you how he feels about daughter. Don’t chase him to see her. Distance yourself. Use grey rock method with anyone with narcissistic traits. Don’t put him on birth certificate. If you already have then the court can take him off if need be and they see what he’s like. I would use that evidence if he should ever try for custody but you feel he wouldn’t step up. Equally, all fathers have a right to see their children. If he cleans himself up and he’s there for his daughter I would put your feelings aside and let him be there for her but…