How to deal with a Toxic mom

So my mom has moved close to us so she can be of help with my pregnancy and with the baby once born. I appreciate her help in some situations including the cooking and just being around. However, she is extremely toxic. She has an extreme victim mindset and has carried entire generational trauma and never lets anything go. Lately I have noticed that she extremely triggers me and stresses me out. I am fed up with how negative she is but at the same time I empathize with her and I don’t know how to lets her be more calm and positive. It’s been really difficult to manage my stress and not let us affect me or the baby inside. I tried to draw boundaries with her but at the end of the day she will still be hanging around and never change.

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There's a good book called boundaries. It is Christian based. But even if you aren't Christian, it has lots of good pointers about boundaries

https://zenhabits.net/toxic/ here's another guide

Sending hugs out to you

My mom has victim mindset, is verbally abusive and has no respect for boundaries. I finally put my foot down and have her blocked on everything. She has been blocked and out of my life for four years now. As much as I needed a mom at some moments during my pregnancy she isn’t allowed to be around me or my child. She has no respect for boundaries and would become and still does verbally abusive. and I personally do not tolerate that behavior. She wouldn’t change or the see the wrong in her actions and now she isn’t allowed in my life and never will be again!

@Trinity hugs to you also. May you find a better older figure to be like a mother to you. In the ways your mother could not be, due to not working through her own issues

My point is, just because she is your mom doesn’t mean she has to be around or be in your life. Yes there are days where I am like I wish my mom was here to help. But at the end of the day, my life is happier and peaceful with out her in my life. I grieved the first year when I cut her off but I know I was making the best decision for myself. You are her child, you shouldn’t have to worry about her emotions or how she reactions. That isn’t your job, its her job to get her emotional trauma together. She needs to step up to her own problems inside of her. You can’t fix that. I would start with setting very strict boundaries and to stick to those boundaries. If she can not respect that, then it might be time to reconsider how much you truly want her around or in your life because she won’t change. Do you really want to keep dealing with a person who can’t respect you or your child? Do you really want to walk around eggshells every time she is near? Some things to considers

@Elizabeth thank you!! I already accepted that she will never be in my life again. That’s why I love groups like these because you have support of million of women. I also have a fabulous grandma and step mom who I can go to for every thing. ❤️

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