Help!
My husband is an alcoholic. We have been together for almost 9 years and 2 or 3 months after we started dating he got a DUI. He didn’t really show any other signs of a serious problem so I just labeled it as an unlucky one time occurrence. We got married almost 3 years ago and moved it together ( I lived with my parents until we got married), this is when things started taking a turn for the worst. I realized that he would drink a lot and very often, since then, it is a constant fight we have every single month. I try to help him, I try to make him realize that he does not need alcohol to have fun. He lies to me about drinking. I know he has been drinking and ask him about and he will deny it until I find evidence. Yesterday he disappeared for hours and didn’t come home until 11:30 pm.. he was in a random parking lot drinking and talking to his brother on the phone. He does this quite a bit too. I live in constant fear because of his drinking and the fact that he continues to drink and drive. We have a 19 month old and I am currently 9 weeks pregnant with our second child. I feel like I am drowning. He did start going to therapy back in February but it doesn’t seem to be helping. He does not recognize that he needs to cut all alcohol. He thinks he can continue drinking if he sets limits for himself, which do not work because one beer turns into 3 which then turn into 6 and then into 9. I am tired, I am completely heartbroken. He is a great dad and husband aside from his drinking, but this issue is taking a huge toll on my mental health. I am considering a separation. Am I overreacting?
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Has he gone to rehab?? I think that may help as well if he's willing
I agree separating could possibly help. Him hitting rock bottom and losing everything, could help him realize what he’s doing.
Have you been to al anon? It’s a support group for loved ones of alcoholics or addicts. It can be hard for people who don’t understand your situation to give advice. You’re not overreacting, but I would start there for some targeted support.
No you are not overreacting. But you can't force him to change. if he doesn't see it as a problem then there is nothing you can do. Maybe Try to stop being so controlling/worried about it because that only makes him try to hide it and feel shame around the situation which can encourage drinking and driving more. If he can drink openly at home & then just encourage him to cut back then maybe you might see some progress eventually. alcoholism is an illness that needs treated and it takes time to get over bad habits. I am not encouraging you to be ok with it but just maybe try going about helping in a different way. If it's too much for you which it sounds like it then separating may be what you need to do to help him realize he has to change.