One last pregnancy an option? TTC

Hey, I am so sorry to hear. Could your husband be depressed? 🙁 Not trying to defend him or find him excuses, I'm just surprised he isn't affectionate at all and seems uninterested. Have you asked yourself why you want another baby? Are you hoping it brings something more to your family/relationship? And if your husband doesn't help will you be ok with it? I guess your kids might be able to help with the baby but that shouldn't be the solution really. Regarding sex and condom, it's a tough one because we never had issues when I first met my husband, we'd make sure they were easily reachable and we'd get used to putting it on fast and in a sexy way. I'd put it on him or he'd put it on while still remaining close to me. Have you thought about couples therapy? That might also help a lot. I really hope he'll realise he's very lucky to have a beautiful family and loving wife and things will get better 🫶🏼

It's possible, but from the sounds of it you want a baby, not necessarily that you want a baby with him. If you have so many regrets about him why don't you find someone who makes you happy and have a family with him? Even if your husband agreed to another, you have these regrets and say he never really helped, so why would you want to restart that with him?

@Laura that's such a good point. It sounds like he was/is a good person though so OP maybe thought he'd change. 😕 That's why I'm wondering if he is depressed. I think they should talk about it seriously, about her needs and the fact that she's a bit unhappy despite loving him and needs to feel loved.

You know what? It's nice to see a man taking care of his own birth control and not solely relying on a woman to do it! Why are you TTC if he doesn't want a baby anyway? It sounds to me like you want the baby more than him, which is horrible, so I hope he does continue to use condoms tbh!

@Rebecca why is it horrible that she wants another baby more than him? She’s a woman and she’s entitled to have those feelings. That’s not horrible, that’s just facts. Incognito, I think perhaps you’ve come to realise that things between you and your husband are not as you’d wish. I think your love languages conflict with each other. I know it’s scary but if he’s not willing to spice things up so that you can have a better sex life, and he doesn’t want another baby and you do - you might be at an impasse. You may need to leave and find someone who meets your emotional and sexual needs. He obviously doesn’t. It sounds like roommates. No one should endure that. It’ll breed further resentment.

This is tough! First have you spoke to him about this? About your lack of intimacy/your desire to be loved by him ect. It sucks you want another and he doesn't but I can't see a baby making things better between you two but merely a distraction from bigger issues going on. Have you tried therapy?

Hi! We have talked. I've told him over and over about how lack of intimacy makes me feel and things slightly improve and then always go right back or get worse. He's gone to the dr too. He just never went back as planned for the scheduled testosterone testing. We have not tried counseling as its come up previously from a family member and he lost his shit and gave me the silent treatment for weeks. Believe me I know having a baby to try and keep the family together is not right and thats not the reason I want another baby! Call me selfish but I want another baby because this would be the last and we would get to enjoy the things we didnt do or have with the first 2 (financially in a much better spot) In my head I've played out multiple different senerios about what I need to do for myself and kids and I always come back to "stay where I'm at and keep trucking along" 20 years together is a long time to just up and walk away from someone especially when he doesn't have any income and everything is in my name.

Your right it does feel more like a roommate situation! The last time we were intimate was 18 months ago, the longest time yet. It hurts me daily! I know it's not healthy what we have going and I don't know how to make it better! My friends constantly would tell me to leave but now with being over 12+ hours away from either of our familys or friends its hard. The only thing I've got here is him and our kids (moved here 6 years ago for a temporary assignment)

Would you be okay with adopting an older kid? You said he didn't take care of the other kids until they were 2

Oh my gosh, 18 months its been since you've been intimate!!! Thats so long!! I was going to say is he cheating but you mentioned that he absolutely isn't as he's home all the time. Could he possibly be depressed? Would he be interested in getting a job himself?- get him out of the house interacting with people and maybe feel a bit more productive in the sense of making his own money, the kids you have are alot older for him to be able to do that. Perhaps if he did get a job can help contribute financially and feel he's quote on quote providing for his family in another way?

I am open to adopting and have talked we previously did talk about it but then like everything else the conversation stops.

He hasn't been able to work because of my job. If I get told on Thursday I need to travel on Monday he needs to be home to get kids to and from school/sports. We do not have family around or any help so he has not been able to work in 7 years because my job comes first. We also live in a very small rural town so doing a part time gig like grubhub or anything is not possible as we do not have those services here. Our closest big city is 45 minutes in any direction.

@Jennifer I totally agree with this comment! I think the husband needs to get a job or get out more etc... That might help with feeling a little more joyful and affectionate etc..

Incognito do you think your husband could be resenting the fact that your job comes first? If the roles were reversed I think a lot of women would say that the dad needs to help with the kids and that it's very sad that the woman lives in a rural area being a sahm etc... I genuinely think your husband could be depressed and need an activity, a job or something. Does he have any friends around? Also he probably doesn't want another kid and start over because he'll be the one looking after the baby / kid when you go back to work again. And that's just not fair on him. I also think your kids are old enough to take the bus to school and back and your husband can have at least a part time job. Maybe worth discussing with him?