Staying with someone after you found out they cheated on you🤦🏽‍♀️

Here’s my opinion. There’s levels of cheating, everyone says it’s the same. It’s not. Ive been cheated on in different levels by different people with different situations. I’m assuming you have kids with this person. My only ick from this, aside from the cheating, was that he concealed it and didn’t tell you. Why? Because if you had known then, would you have stayed or left? You’ll never know now, he inherently took away your consent of being in the relationship and took it upon himself that your choice didn’t matter. He wanted to have his cake and eat it, but he didn’t want the consequences You know your relationship with him. If you want to stay. Know this. He has to, not negotiable, be transparent with you. You get to ask all the questions you need to ask and he has to answer, don’t use “you hurt me” phrases, use “I was/am hurt by”. It takes away from pointing fingers and making him out his guard up. Anytime you need to talk about it or need reassurance he has to-

Show up. He must deal with this. He wanted his cake, you need what you need to keep this going. Trust is going to need to be rebuilt. Obviously you cannot take control, you cannot be controlling or want to monitor his phone (with him knowing anyway, I did it when I knew he wouldn’t find out oops, don’t do that tho) don’t install things so you can see what he’s doing bc it destroys the trust more. He will feel trapped and likely do it again bc of that. I have more advice but I’ll leave it there at that. I’m so sorry you’re going through this though.

Are we the same person? I’m in the same situation word for word. It’s been hard. He’s been showing me he’s doing better but I still can’t get over it We have a child together. My thing is, try all your options, couples therapy, gathering advice from close friends, family. And give yourself time to heal. He hurt you, he has to be patient as you deal with it. If you have kids with him, do know, your kids deserve a happy mother. Do what’s best for you 🤝🏾🫶🏽

Are you for sure it was just that one time? Either way, if you do decide to stay keep in the back of you mind he could cheat again, he did it once so he could very well do it again. I would recommend if you are going to stay to go to counseling. Make it a nonnegotiable, he need to work on getting your trust back.

@Ashby wow I didn’t even think about the fact that he took away my consent of staying in the relationship! Now that just really got to me because yea we were going though things at that time and I was already saying that I wanted to leave him because of how he was treating me, so yea that may have made him not want to tell me but it’s like at the same time if you’re so worried about losing why do something so dumb!🤦🏽‍♀️ I really appreciate this advice, I really do and I will definitely be taking it and putting it to use! Thank you so much!💕 I haven’t really been worried too much about what he does on his phone, idk I just been in an I don’t care mood and it just doesn’t phase me anymore… I found out this information from his iPad because he never deleted his messages before giving his iPad to our daughter and I wasn’t trying to go through his messages, I was trying to make my daughter an account and when I did it didn’t delete what was already on the iPad… lol so I took my opportunity😂😂😂

@Amaya I’m so sorry that you had to go through this too! It really does suck. Relationships are scary because you never really know what that person is really doing behind your back and it’s like you’re forced to trust them until you have a reason not to! And now we have to try to find a way to rebuild that trust and to try and see if the relationship can still work but yes I will weigh all of my options, give them a try and see how it goes, and honestly if none of them doesn’t work, I’m perfectly ok with it because I can walk away knowing that I was the best woman I could have been to this man and it’s absolutely his loss

The thing that would get to me is the doubts he lied by not telling you he is making it out to be a good thing, im going to be frank ..its not a good thing. No matter what he says he cheated who knows how many times, didn't tell you, I assume married you and you guys had kids..all on a lie of a man. He was not upfront with you he never ever planned to tell you, you found out by accident..the thing would be is how do you know he is telling the truth now, id be wanting complete transparency and id want all of the bad otherwise id be thinking he's lying again. I just want you to try and look it completly as if you dont know the truth because you didn't, for I don't know how long

Girl, when I sat there and argued with a man about it they couldn’t explain why else other than the fact they were selfish and didn’t want to lose me. But where was the energy of not wanting to lose me when the choice to cheat was there? Yk? You were only afraid of losing me after you did what you did bc you’d be caught, not because you felt bad, not because you actually loved me. I must’ve benefited them somehow yk? If they love you they’d fear losing you no matter what. Why only after they cheat? I hope you’re able to navigate through this difficult ass situation, if you need any support I am here and so are the rest of these women. :) 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

@Kat yea not knowing if he has done more than what I’ve seen is the scary part and also the fact that it was so easy for him to that while I was pregnant with his child🤦🏽‍♀️ I spoke to him last night and he said that when he did what he did, in his mind he was done with the relationship because he basically didn’t understand that I was hormonal and going through things with the pregnancy and so I was always upset and scared… so he was basically done, and had gave up, but he said once he did what he did, he sat and realized that he didn’t want to be done and that he didn’t want to lose me and he said he didn’t do anything else after that or I would’ve found out about that too (the boy is not very good at cheating as you can see😂) it’s still going to take me some time to process this information though because I’ve been cheating on before so that’s nothing but never while I was pregnant with someone’s child. I was still learning and figuring things out and unfortunately he couldn’t handle it

@Ashby that’s exactly what he said too when I spoke to him last night😂 he said he was being selfish and didn’t want to lose me so he kept it to himself.. but he also said that he was already done with the relationship because of what we were going through… he couldn’t handle the hormones and the mental changes I was going through… but at the same time I was telling him that I thought something was wrong with me because I wasn’t sure what was going on either, I knew the person I was white I was pregnant wasn’t me and come to find out it had a lot to do with me hormones and my mental health from not getting enough sleep and from being scared and he said that when I was telling him this information that it was clicking he still didn’t understand it and so he was just ready to end the relationship he was already done and ready to give up,which I could feel that he was done because of the way he was treating me but I never thought he would cheat on me before actually ending the relationship

Oh my gosh, if was he done he should of broke up with you, I honestly think he is trying to look like a hero. It's up to you in the end, and if he is telling the truth then why didn't he just admit it. How did he meet the person there were multiple steps to realise he was being an idiot but he went the full way and lied. He must somewhat good at cheating as you didn't find out until now and only found out accidentally.