Coping strategy 2: finding a feeling

I have come to understand you don't start off motivated and then do something, you do something and then find the motivation to feel a little lighter/happier. I found a little lightness after a game of beginners tennis (I'm a little familiar with the game so more a post beginner, this matters for my later point ) I didn't go into the game with any expectation but whacking the ball was therapeutic, playing with a partner brought bonding, moving around to hit the ball brought health to my body that feels like it is decaying on the sofa, missing the ball was a gentle experience of not succeeding that I didn't have to beat myself up about. All this was like scaffolding to facilitate healing even though it was slight in the grand scheme of things that heal. During the game, the grief was there but not as stark. And after the game, my brain felt a little less impaired from the grief. Motivation is autonomy: choose something you like Motivation is competence: choose something you have the necessary skills to do (even if it's a new thing you're learning, you can still learn the basic skills to get on with it and then in time get stronger) Motivation is relatedness: choose something that helps you connect with others and gives you a positive self-image I have no expectation that any hobby will compensate for my loss. But I will be open to what it can offer me. That means going into each tennis game with no expectation it will be better than the last one and if taking part just keeps my body moving and steers me away from curling up on the sofa all day, then that's something I can turn to in the depths of this despair