Fed up of feeling shit & poor sex life with bf

TMI post Our sex life has been wack for a while now because I can’t seem to get turned on. A lot of it is due to how he treats me and some of it is because I’m insecure in myself. It got to the point I’m not getting wet at all in sex with him. The very odd occasions I start to feel a bit horny he just RUINS it. I’ll be at home excited for him to come back thinking we will have sex tonight, but the moment he comes home he will cause some sort of an argument or be rude to me and I’ll instantly be turned off and feeling like shit. Today I finally have felt horny, (tmi very turned on down there) and decided to exfoliate, fake tan, wash and style my hair, do my makeup in a way he’s been asking me to do it, tried to make myself feel more confident in myself. We’re at home and he’s started swearing and calling me names (over something else silly) and I’m tired of it!! I’m tired of him always ruining the mood for me. Now I look like shit from the tears running down my face and ruining my makeup, and mentally I feel like shit and you bet I will be back to being dry down there. He doesn’t give a crap because it doesn’t affect him. When he has sex his body works fine, he gets his orgasm, we have sex when HE wants to have sex. But I only get horny once every few months now because I never feel confident etc. I had even planned to wear something nice this evening to come on to him but I feel like crap now and honestly how can I be confident and sexy when I’ve just been crying!!

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I consider this as abuse, get rid of him.

I second @Sharny

Sex aside, sounds very very toxic to be calling you names and being fine when you’re crying and feeling upset. You deserve better x

@Sharny @Radka @Sophie it’s hard to explain but the thing that’s effecting me the most isn’t the sex, it’s the constant play on my emotions. The little glimmer of hope when I start to feel horny and a little sexy, the looking forward to him coming home and the hope that we will have a nice time together and connect, and then the instant mood change when he’s rude to me, me getting upset and realising I’m not going to feel connected to him, we aren’t going to make love, I’m going to be left feeling shitty until the next time he wants to have sex when I’m not even feeling turned on

It is complicated if you have babies with him. Have you tried talking it out? Be clear and precise about your feelings. No pointing fingers just I feel and I'd like it to be this way and I'd suggest... Consider sending him msgs before he comes home to let him know you're ready for a good night and after all these if he still continued reconsider the relationship.

🫂

@Miracle yes I have tried many times to tell him. Yesterday I told him I was excited to see him all day and was happy and then he just comes home and starts sweating and being rude to me, I told him it upsets me etc and he said he doesn’t give a shit. Today, I have put it in the past, cooked him a nice meal for when he comes home from work, have done my hair and makeup. He literally just came home and the FIRST thing he said to me was ‘you look wierd’ and then started complaining about something and being rude. Even when he doesn’t mean it in a bad way, he always says something negative about how I look. He NEVER compliments me and I don’t remember him ever calling me pretty since we first started dating. I don’t want to send him messages insinuating anything sexual because for some reason he finds it a turn off when I’m horny or try to initiate first.

@Miracle Last night I was so frustrated I shouted at him that I was horny and wanted to have sex but he ruined the day, he then told me that me talking like that is a turn off and he won’t get hard

There are some people that enjoy treating others like this, they are called narcissistic abusers. He will never appreciate you, it is his high upsetting you, something you can’t change. The best you can do is get out of this. I know it’s difficult to get out of the cycle, please try to find some support groups in your local area. I’m saying all of this from personal experience.

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