Really Struggling With Birth Experience

I'm 5 months pp and I'm still struggling coming to terms with my birth experience. I had a C-section after 18 hours in labour. My labour was going fairly well until about 3-4 hours after my epidural. I had intense pain in my butt and lower back and my cervix started swelling shut. My surgery went smoothly overall but here's where my biggest issue lies. When they pulled my daughter out of me, they showed her to me and then cleaned her up and wrapped her in a hat and swaddle. I had her on my chest all wrapped up until they finished closing me up. When I was ready to be brought to recovery to be monitored, they sent my daughter with my husband into our post partum Room where he did skin to skin. I was separated from her for an hour.. so it was like 1.5-2 hours before I could actually do skin to skin. I'm pretty devastated with how everything went and then tried for 2 months to breastfeed with no success so that's really upsetting. I'm thankful for a happy and healthy baby, but I'm just so sad with how everything went down. I never dreamed of a wedding, I dreamed of having a baby. How can I help myself here? How do I not feel angry at the whole team for this? Any C-section mamas have a better place to birth for my next baby?

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Hi mama I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way and going through this Your feelings are so valid and you’re basically freshly postpartum so you’re very valid in your feelings I’m just trying to understand- are you frustrated at how long it took after the c section till you held baby or are you you frustrated that you had to even have a c section? I had to have an emergency c section cause baby was too big for my hips and her heart rate was dropping I’ll forever feel so robbed of not holding her after she came out cause I became numb and couldn’t swallow so they had to take baby and my husband out so they can focus on me . I probably missed a bit over an hour but for me all I remember is the moment I got to hold my little girl and all was alright So I’m sorry - if I’m not understanding so I can better comfort you ❤️❤️

@Mirendah thanks for validating ❤️ I feel silly complaining because I have a happy healthy baby. I guess a bit of both but more how long I was separated. I can come to terms with needing the C-section. But baby and I were healthy so my heart aches that I didn't get to do skin to skin with her and then not being able to breastfeed. I feel like I've lost a lot of the magic I had dreamt of

@Mirendah I'm really sorry you had to go through that. I'm so happy that you are positive and find so much joy in your reconnection. There were many moments I cherish, I just can't help but feel robbed a bit cause it feels unnecessary.

It’s ok to feel how you feel! You’re trying your best and that’s all you can do. You will get back to your self in time. Don’t be so hard on yourself yourself ok

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