Frustrated and over it.

After 4 months postpartum finally hit and im over everything and everyone around me. Ive been a SAHM since baby was born, and was home during my pregnancy due to HG. Partner went back to 1 month after baby was born. However, its now at a point where my postpartum feels like its at its peak and partner is now also depressed and wants me to go back to work. I feel like ive hit a wall because financially partner is bringing in a decent amount however due to inflation its just not cutting it. If i go back to work i lose all my assistance which adds more to the bills overall so anything i make has to cover what is going to be lost plus childcare. Feeling guilty also because i feel like i should be the one raising my baby not paying someone else to so i can go back to the workforce and us still be struggling as a household. Id love to be able to feel okay and work and raise a happy baby but right now i feel so helpless like nothing is going to make this situation better. Ive talked to friends about this and they fully agree with my viewpoint on this but i also feel like theres definitely bias because theyre friends so thoughts? any ideas how to deal with postpartum as well?

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There’s nothing wrong with someone taking care of your baby so you can go back to work if you want to. You would still be the one raising your baby - if you work full time you would still be taking care of baby 128/168 hours in a week, or 76% of the time! It’s also okay to continue staying home. There’s plenty of resources to help, I know my area has Babymobile to help with formula/food, diapers, and wipes. I would try to get into therapy or get on some medication. Meditation and journaling can help with PP in the mean time. I hope things get better for you soon ❤️

@Kassidi I think im just scared to feel like im not taking enough care of my baby. I didnt have parents so having my own kid i feel like i need to be here front line, yk? I also see how baby responds to partner, meaning like when baby cries she wants me, shes very attached to me. I dont want that bond to get damaged at all. as for getting help, im honestly so scared to tell any of these medical professionals whats going on in my head. ive first hand seen them call CPS using a moms postpartum as a reason to try to take kids, even me when i was 2 DAYS postpartum they sent them here to "check on me".. it terrifies me. So i always tell them im perfectly fine but im honestly losing my head.

If you burn yourself out you’re not going to be a good mom though. A therapist should not be reporting you unless you are a harm to yourself or your baby. PPD is not a risk for that on its own. Find a therapist that specializes in postpartum/parenthood. If CPS already came and you still have your baby, you obviously aren’t a concern to them. Lots of the time they just have to leave the case open as a formality. You will do what’s best for your baby no matter what, whether that’s staying home or going to work. But you have to take care of yourself too. Just because baby prefers you doesn’t mean you can’t get out of the house once a week and take time to yourself. Being inside all the time, especially with a baby, will make you feel like you lost yourself to becoming a mother. And that’s not good for you or baby either

@Kassidi i appreciate that a lot! ill definitely look into that specific type of therapist. And no they closed the case they told me from the get go they werent concerned but then kept it open for 2 months checking on me every few weeks because i have a history of depression was the reason i was given. Its insane to me. I do also try to get out once in awhile but that becomes an issue in the household because it becomes a "im at work all day youre home " thing even though im not just home to be home im busy all the time with one thing or another. i think im just in a bad place mentally and its making me feel how i do rn about all this plus adding stress. even with going back to work, just thinking long term if partner is bringing in almost $4.5k a month and bills arent even fully covered, what do i have to make to cover the remaining bills plus food, health insurance, formula, and childcare. (i dont get wic so we already pay out of pocket for babys stuff, but the snap covers formula)

Following, same boat 🫶🏼

No suggestions unfortunately, but in a very similar situation and I’m sorry for the stress you’re dealing with 💙

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